Anywhere Life Takes Me

New Blog is Here!

2009-12-17T20:23:00.003-06:00

I'm excited to tell you about this new blog I'll be contributing to! My blogging can now be found at Changing the World.....one minivan at a time

In recent months, my heart has been pulled in new directions, and it just feels right to start a blog that tells that story more clearly and openly. Though I didn't seclude myself in real life, I have been a little detached in my blogging life. I had been feeling for a while that I should start a new blog. But in the meantime of figuring out what that would look like, I was delighted to discover that a friend of mine was in the same place, wrestling with many of the same things I was and stepping out into similar new ways of living. What a joy it's been to see God link our hearts' passions in this way, and I know it will be a really neat experience to blog alongside her.

So, instead of filling you in with the details right now, I'll just invite you over to my new blogging home! I don't plan to continue Anywhere Life Takes Me. I'll probably leave it up for a little while but will eventually close it, so please go ahead and change your links and such to reflect this new change. If you come here to keep up with our family on a more personal level, seeing the kids' pictures, etc., then know that I'll be trying to do a better job of updating my facebook with those kinds of things.

Now, quick! Go visit me at our new blog, and leave a comment! =)

I'm Still Here!!! (but not for long)

2009-12-14T15:42:00.000-06:00

I don't know if you were wondering or not, but I'm going to tell you anyway: I'm alive. Just not blogging. But I will be blogging again soon. From a NEW blog. One I'm so seriously excited about. Really excited. We'll be up and running soon, so stay tuned!

Recent Pumpkin Patch Pics

2009-10-31T16:06:00.005-05:00

We recently enjoyed a morning at a local family farm/pumpkin patch with our playgroup friends. This place is a favorite of ours! It's cute and free. We love that.

Jonah with his buddy Brantley: (Both boys' parents would like for you to ignore the fact that they're in an Aggies barrel. No, we do not approve.)

Sweet niece Maggie and nephew Brady: (Poor Brady...I guess he'll be having to ride in princess and Barbie barrels for a while!)
Me and my Parker Jane on the hayride out to the pumpkin patch:

She pretty much had a hateful attitude towards the pumpkins, so I did not get smiling pictures of her, but sweet ones nonetheless:

She did, however, have a fondness for kicking the pumpkins like a soccer ball:

Jonah had fun though:

Being silly with his friend Solomon:

And it's interesting how Parker looks like she's happy in this next one when I distinctly remember her screaming like crazy during this picture with Jonah and Maggie:

Of course, when Parker decides to smile, Jonah is looking elsewhere:

And by the second take, she was DONE:
Oh well. Maybe next year.

I did have a sweet surprise when my friend Sarah emailed me this picture she took of Parker:

I guess if you want to give this little girlie directions for her to actually follow, you'd better not be her mother. She ignored me that whole morning! Especially when I had a camera out! But I forgive her. She's pretty yummy. And when she is in the mood to give love, it sure is sweet. But the fact that Jonah was old enough to run around with his friends the whole time (and not sit by me on the hayride and not really need me for anything) sure did make this mama a little sad for how fast time is going. I'm so proud of how he is growing up, but, oh, it makes my heart ache too.

Feeling blessed.

A List

2009-10-08T13:18:00.004-05:00

I don't know where to start. So I'll go with a list. Here are some things going on in our life right now:

1. Parker Jane is a MESS. And I take full responsibility. This is how I just found her after leaving her unoccupied for about a minute and a half:

Yep, she unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper. And I probably missed the opportunity to discipline and teach on this one the second I chose to grab the camera. She's mischievous!

2. We've been busy with lots of church stuff. This is pretty much Joel's busy season for work. He's had a lot of weekend events going on the last few weeks, and he will have an event to lead every weekend for the next five. This week, our first meeting with our "new" community group was held. Our old one has divided into two groups to make room for lots of people who aren't in one. Though transitions like these can be a little tough in some ways, we are so excited about leading this group and seeing what God has in store for all of us! We had such a fun time meeting with these families this week! And I've also begun a mom's prayer/Scripture discussion on parenting little ones according to biblical principles. It's mainly for providing relational support to each other on this journey of motherhood. We will meet four times over the next 8 weeks, and today was our first meeting. I can tell spending time with these ladies will be such a refreshing time! As you can see...church life right now is busy, busy. (Good thing we like it!)

3. Joel's birthday was last month, and I just feel a need to show off the birthday cake I made for him. The pictures are less than acceptable. But it's all I've got. I stole this idea from a very fun blog called Whatever. Talk about blog eye candy! That woman is so inspirational for creating beauty in life. She makes me want to learn to sew. Or maybe just color with crayons in one of Jonah's coloring books. She makes you want to do something with color and prettiness. Her pictures are much better. But here's the fun cake:

4. I've started BSF this year, and it's been a good experience. The best part to me: Jonah LOVES it. This is pretty much his preschool this year, and I've been so amazed by his enthusiasm to be there. He did not want to go there the first day, but since then, he's counting down the days til the next time we go to BSF. He's really learning a lot, and I'm starting to see some sweet glimpses of God working in Jonah's heart and showing Himself to him. (Thank you, Lord!) It's been an added support for us this year in training our children. Just praying to not rely on it too heavily but to keep it complementary to what we're doing at home. He's been a sweetie lately.

5. And then this little girl has been changing a ton lately. She's still not really talking much yet. She only has a few words. But she does jibber-jabber a LOT. It's really cute! And my favorite thing about where she is right now is that she loves her baby dolls. Especially this one. She's always carrying it under her arm whatever she's doing, trying to change its diaper and wipe its nose. I'm LOVING it!!! We usually have a baby doll with us wherever we go.

So that's the recap of life these days. I had a couple of other things I left off because now I think they could each be a separate post. Maybe I'll write them before next year.

Nearing the End of Summer

2009-08-29T13:42:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it's almost fall! I think this is the first year I've been ready for it by August! (I can't remember...maybe I said that last year?) Trying to swim with a crazy 15-month old who just wants to go in and out of the pool, NOT be in a float, and just run around the edge of the pool has made the pool lose some of its luster for me in recent weeks. I don't have the energy for that anymore. So we're pretty much done with that. DONE. I'm posting a couple pictures from our Sea World adventure last weekend which, according to Jonah, was not as exciting as riding in the golf cart at Uncle Jim's ranch, where we stayed those few days we were in South Texas. Sea World was definitely fun, but maybe we should stick to the simpler things since our kids still find joy in those? I think for us, I'm just not sure it was necessary right now. But what a relaxing longer-weekend away it was! The refreshment came just at the right time. Mama was needing some.

And then here are a couple of pictures of Jonah at his buddy Brantley's birthday party this morning, which was SO cute. I'm sure Kate will post pictures of it soon, so I'll hold off on showing the cute cake pics I took.

Where I've Been

2009-08-03T15:12:00.007-05:00

I haven't ignored my blog so much since...well...I guess since I was last pregnant. No worries though! That's definitely not the reason this time. =) We've just been enjoying these summer days. I'm one of those people who LOVES the Texas sun, so these hot days are just fine with me. As long as they also involve water. Except for the last two weeks, we've been going to the pool a LOT, and the rest of our time we've just been spending with family and friends and taking some small trips. We like going places, but we'd rather save the big vacations for when the kids are older and traveling with them doesn't make me want to pull my hair out. So far, this summer has included 2-week long swim lessons for Jonah and his first VBS at a local church one week in June, a two-day trip to Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine with my family, two outings to Splash Kingdom, a nearby waterpark, and a trip to Oklahoma to visit family around July 4th weekend with Jonah staying by himself there for a few extra fun-filled days. Then last week, the kids and I traveled to Houston with my aunt and uncle to spend several days with my cousin Lacey. It's been a really fun summer! We still have plans to make a quick Sea World trip later this month. I wanted to do a catch-up post with pictures from various summer events in our family's life, but I've realized that I haven't had my camera with me all that much. Sad. But here are a few...

Parker Jane with Nanny and Ciera in Bartlesville:

"Helping" Aunt Jen spread cream cheese on the ham:With cousins Samantha, McKenna, and Ciera on the 4th:

With fun Uncle Eric:And then at Lacey's, building a fort with sofa cushions, which is Jonah's new favorite pasttime:
Me and my babies at the Houston Zoo, "the better zoo EVER", as Jonah called it:

And this handsome man by his favorite animal (yes, he's still obsessed with animals. And zebras. And Africa. And all the animals in Africa.):And lastly, here is one of me with a couple of my girlfriends from high school, Amber and Erin, at our high school reunion last month. What a fun weekend that was!

Besides all that, I've been staying busy with some good books. I tend to not read very much for a while and then suddenly get in a reading mode, where I zone out to everything else and become a hermit. Yep, that's what I've been doing lately. I must find time to write some book reviews on here. I've enjoyed some good ones, and I am excited to share.

School Plans

2009-07-09T21:52:00.006-05:00

Since Jonah is four now, there's been a lot of thinking about future school plans, so I thought I'd write a bit about our tentative plan for his education. It's on my mind a lot anyway. For now, we're planning to start out homeschooling Jonah, though we don't have any idea how long we'll continue that. It just makes sense for us to do it for at least kindergarten. Maybe longer, but we're just taking it a year at a time. Our desire is for him to be in a school at some point during his elementary years anyway, but we're really not in a place right now for that to happen. All doors to that are closed at this point. And homeschooling seems to be the best fit for a while. I honestly don't think it will be for very long, but I also want to stay completely open to whatever the Lord has for us. I'm learning not to voice strong confidence in what I know God's will to be for our future! The past has shown that He often surprises us with new plans that differ from our own, so I want to be expectant and aware of how He might work in our lives. But for now, it looks like this is best for our family. For a number of reasons.

One of my main motivations for wanting to homeschool Jonah right now is the desire for my kids to have a classical Christian education, and providing that in a school setting is currently not an option - although it may be at some point. The concept of classical education is something I was confronted with in a college class and then had validated to me through the lives of some families I met (like this one). I'm totally sold on its effectiveness. The more I learn and read about it and observe in other families, the more it makes sense to me and the greater my desire for my kids (and me!) to learn this way. The whole idea is that the best education is one that teaches us how to think, rather than just teach us information, and classical education employs the time-tested learning system of the trivium, which you can read more about through the following links:

About Classical Education

Classical Christian Homeschooling

Classical Education of the Founding Fathers

The Lost Tools of Learning

Ten Things to Do with Your Child Before Age Ten (I love this! Not that I plan on doing every single thing they say...)

Definition for Classical Education

I'm excited about this! I struggle a little with starting out not knowing how Jonah's education will be completed, being unsure of where he will eventually go to school. But it's just an area I'll have to trust in God's direction for the present and His capability to finish what he starts. It doesn't look like he will go to a classical school later because there's just not one that's affordable and what we want. But attending the Christian school that our church is associated with is a probable scenario at some point. It's not classical, but the elementary principal has a background in it and definitely pushes their curriculum and structure more towards classical. That's ok with me because I don't think I need to trust in a school and in teachers to provide my children with everything they need educationally; I believe I should still take responsibility as a parent for my child's education regardless of whether they are at home or in a school. The trick would be for me to know how to continue the elements of classical that I feel so strongly about, in our home, while my child goes on to a nonclassical school. How will that work? I'm not entirely sure. But I'm intrigued by the challenge. Another school option would be a university-model school here that we're interested in that would provide a classroom-learning atmosphere as well as more time for teaching my child the things I feel convicted about teaching him. Non-elective courses don't really start there until third grade though. Maybe we'll homeschool for a while, then go there for a while, and then go to the full-time school. We don't know. But these are some of the things that have been occupying my brain lately. I'm trying to learn to live more in the present and not "have my life all figured out" and trust the Lord to lead day-by-day. That couldn't be a bad place to be.

What to Make When Company's Coming, Part 2

2009-06-27T09:06:00.002-05:00

Thought I'd share one more recipe that's so fun for when you have people over. It's a unique meal that's so yummy, and, again, this one is great for assigning parts for guests to bring. You can serve it anytime, but I tend to see it as more of a fall/winter-ish meal.

Javanese Dinner for Eight:

*1 chicken, deboned (or you can bake boneless breasts)
* 2 cans cream of chicken soup
*2-3 cups chicken broth
*curry, to taste (at least 1 1/2 teaspoons)

Cook chicken over range top. Add to the chicken 2 cans of chicken soup, chicken broth, and season with curry. Serve with rice and offer the remaining ingredients for guests to mix in to their chicken & rice (This is where you can ask guests to bring one or more of these.):

* 1 bunch green onions, sliced
* 1 cup shredded coconut
* 1/2 cup sliced almonds
* 1 large can chow mein noodles
* 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
* 1 large can crushed pineapple
*2 large stalks celery, chopped

And it's best when you put ALL of the toppings in it, so make sure your guests feel like wimps if they don't. =) But it's great...the wimps/picky eaters have plenty of options and control with this meal. It takes the pressure off the cook - it's the guests' own fault if they mix in the wrong combination of toppings. Wahahaaaa.

One other thought I have about fixing meals for company is that I frequently go Sandra Lee-style and add a store-bought item or two (dessert or sides) to go along with what I make homemade. I do love cooking for people when they're in my home and it's fun to show love by putting effort into it, but in this season of my life with two little children dirtying the house faster than I can clean it up, getting ready for company means I have to make choices to simplify in order to get it all done in time. Making simplifying choices lessens the stress for me, which in turn plays a big part in the environment I'm helping to create when guests are in our home. So that's important. And I like to think it's less intimidating to some guests you have over. There are also times when it just makes sense to pick up a Papa Murphey's take-and-bake pizza and invite someone over to share. You really don't HAVE to cook to show hospitality! Being sensitive to when there's a need you can meet relationally and listening to the nudges from the Holy Spirit about having someone over is much more important than having culinary skills and a filled pantry. Don't miss an opportunity just because you haven't had time to go to the store, plan a full meal, etc. If you really believe those things aren't what matter most, then don't be afraid to live like it.

Feel free, once more, to share your best recipe for entertaining so all of us can benefit, and I'd love to know any more tips you have or lessons you've learned on practicing hospitality in your home.

Processing

2009-06-24T08:31:00.003-05:00

I have a lot on my mind and weighing on my heart this week in regards to doing ministry. I'm not talking about the kind of ministry that comes with an official title or position. Or that comes through being married to someone who has the title. I'm talking about plain ol' church ministry that we're all called to be a part of. Discipleship. The building up of other Christians. The whole thing of being the Body of Christ. It's a wonderful, beautiful thing, and I love that we each get a part to play and have all been specially gifted for edifying each other and helping each other towards growth. What a special thing. I happen to love it. But I must say, there are times it gets really hard. It's a hard role to play in people's lives. You are putting yourself out there to be an example, and that requires a whole lot - constant confession and repentance when sin comes up in your life, a teachable attitude yourself, accountability, a true spirit of authenticity, and a servant's heart that puts you in a place of seeking how to help others in the first place. That doesn't come easily and naturally; we have to let Jesus give us that kind of heart. It certainly isn't what mine is like on its own. But another part of discipleship that is challenging is the willingness you have to have to speak truth in all situations. To share God's words on a situation. To proclaim His way as better than our own. Which isn't too terribly difficult for some of us....until it is resisted. When people don't want to change and really don't want their thinking challenged, it gets incredibly hard to be obedient in sharing truth. The apostle Paul's words to the Galatians (in Gal. 4:16) resonate with me just a little right now, "Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?"

It's so sad to see it happen. To see people get uncomfortable with the truth and decide to move on from it, slipping further away instead of climbing closer to where God wants us. Anyone who's ever been involved in ministry to people within the church knows that lukewarmness is a big deal. At least in our part of the world. In my experience, it's the biggest obstacle to overcome in ministering to people. To be used to help move people out of that and into real passion and love for God is quite a task. Honestly, lots of people are just wanting to stay right where they are. They want to get involved enough at church that they have good Christian friends, but that's really all they need church involvement for. It's a social organization, nothing more. They really want to be with people who think just like them so that they are never challenged to think differently. Or to live differently.My heart is breaking a little over this right now.

Now, I'm well-acquainted with lukewarmness myself. I've spent many more years in lukewarmness than I have in passion. And even now...almost eight years after I made a new choice to live more passionately for Jesus...I see that He's already made me different than I was, but I still struggle so much. I lack so much enthusiasm, passion, and obsession for Him. I need to grow in this. But I want to grow in this too. It's why I have people in my life to push me towards this kind of growth. It's why my deep friendships are with passionate people. People who challenge me. People who disagree with me and aren't afraid to tell me why but always do so with biblical support. It's why I am in community with other believers, on several different levels. It's why I love the church I'm a member of - that I can find people like that if I want to be around them. I'm just really sad this week that there are so many people avoiding those very relationships because they truly want to stay where they are. There are some who, instead of fleeing temptation as fast as they can, ask for clarification of the "lines" between godly and worldly living only so they can get as close to it as possible and not feel guilt or possibly not to have anyone confront them. Besides all the ways this way of thinking is detrimental to that person's spiritual growth, it also affects others, can infest a group and help others get "stuck" as well, and misrepresents Jesus to those who don't know Him.

So the issue becomes how to minister to these people. Jesus hates lukewarmness, but He loves people. I want to extend mercy, as I know very well I've been given it, and I want to love them so well that they stay within reach and are still in a place to have their hearts penetrated by truth. But what happens so often is that truth divides people. Truth offends. And we can't be afraid to share it when the Holy Spirit asks us to. The tricky part (if I had to do it on my own) would be to balance that mercy-filled patience for people with the call to encourage others' growth which sometimes requires more direct words or teaching. Thank God I don't have to figure that all out on my own! I need Him to just do that through me. And I need not be so surprised when the truth does offend. It's pretty much what the gospel is.

I needed to process this and redirect my mind towards truth, but I'll blog again soon - with more thoughts on recipe and meal ideas for company. Thanks for your responses on that! I'd love to get more recipes!!

What to Make When Company's Coming

2009-06-12T11:21:00.004-05:00

I'm always looking for simple, fun ideas for preparing meals when we invite guests into our home. Joel and I feel strongly about the importance of developing hospitality in our hearts and putting it into practice long before we have an abundance to share from or have a completely-decorated home, perfect table settings, expert culinary skills, etc. I've found that many times people are blessed by that very incompleteness. While I've experienced blessing through many a people serving me out of the amazing skills, gifts, and wealth God has given them, I've also experienced times when those atmospheres of seeming perfection just served to intensify the temptation I was feeling to compare, complain, and struggle through my own issues of discontentment. I have seen where it does bless others - and yourself - when you don't wait to practice hospitality. (You know...wait until you have a nicer home, more money, prettier dishes, feel more confident in your entertaining skills, etc.) We just want to open our home, spend time building relationships, enjoy community, and seek to meet others' needs - whatever those may be. Sometimes people just need to hang out and enjoy a good time and easy discussion. Sometimes there are bigger problems in people's lives that they may be more willing to share with us over dinner in our home, giving us an opportunity to provide support and encouragement for their particular need. Other times we're caught off guard by how much our guests blessed us! So many great things happen when "church" also happens outside the church walls. We don't do this enough. Not as often as we've felt led. But it's an area in which we want to keep growing. So we choose not waiting to do it. And one of the ways we're working on that is in simplifying the endeavor of entertaining people in our home. We have several foolproof meals that we serve when having company over. We do branch out of this, of course, but when we find a meal that just works well for having others over, we aren't afraid to use it again. And again. And again.

Check out Southern Living's website for instructions on creating one of my new favorites, Lean Green Lettuce Tacos. I couldn't get the picture on my blog, for some reason. And I don't have time for that. So you'll have to go there to see it. I love the idea of serving the lettuce leaves in a glass bowl; it makes it so much prettier!

I recently made these lettuce tacos, and it was a hit at our house, so I'm thinking I will make this in the near future when we have someone over. When I do cook a meal for someone, I like to choose things that provide lots of fix-ahead flexibility. This is because my crazy children tend to surprise me with certain needs right at cooking time. So we choose menus that don't limit us to doing all of the cooking in the hour right before guests arrive. That way we're not rushing around desperately trying to get ready at the last minute, dealing with unexpected interruptions or delays. I'm not a good multi-tasker, so this is an important one for me.

We've also gotten creative with what entertaining looks like, and I highly recommend this. Especially when you have a budget to consider. Sometimes it's not about serving a big meal. Sometimes it's just inviting a family over for homemade ice cream and sundaes on a summer night, after we've all eaten dinner at our own homes. We love doing this with our family friends who have kids, and we just throw them in the backyard to play, or we all go outside. Hosting outdoors definitely cuts back on some of housecleaning efforts in preparation! Because Joel and I are currently leaders of a rather large community group at our church, we find that it helps us to usually have two or more couples over at a time. And we feel fine asking people to bring something. They usually ask anyway. But definitely make it a group effort! Maybe it's a bring-your-own meat cookout scenario. We love doing this! Especially with larger groups. Or you can have grill-your-own-pizzas night. My friend Shelly and her husband once invited our family over for this, and it was an idea that I tucked away in my mind to use in our home. (I copy and steal ideas from people all the time.) Ask your guests to bring one or two pizza toppings to share and you provide some more, then prepare the dough (recipes for this are all over allrecipes.com) and everyone can pile up their personal pizzas from the plethora of topping offerings, and you grill them for everyone.

And in the next few days, I'll share some more recipes I love for entertaining. But please, please help me out. Let me know your best simple meal plan for hosting others (simple is essential for this girl) in the comments section. I wish I had more readers and we could do one of those fun linky things, but alas, I'm not that popular. So, do you have a favorite go-to meal you like to serve guests in your home?

God of Variety

2009-06-07T14:39:00.004-05:00

There's a Bible study class we attend on Sunday mornings at our church, and I just can't get it off my mind this afternoon. Our discussion today, like most Sundays, was very rich. Everyone was engaged. We were all learning from each other. And it seemed we were all experiencing conviction. The difference with this particular group than a lot I've been a part of is that next Sunday, there will be people in there who ask you if you put into practice the truth of which you were convicted the previous Sunday. It's hard. And so good. Today, the teacher wrapped up the discussion a few times, yet people kept sharing more. Bible study just wouldn't end. And it was one of those moments you just knew it wasn't supposed to. God was still convicting hearts and enlightening minds to truth. And I liked it. Enough to cry about it. =)

I was overcome with thankfulness for this particular hour I get to spend on Sundays with that unique, sometimes even random, group. And I'm grateful that God doesn't show up just when you're with your like-minded, similar friends. When He shows up through the differences of the people studying Scripture together, it creates such beauty. Unity becomes something much more powerful. And the whole concept of unity immediately seems simpler than it was. When I'm with that group, it's like a whole piece of God's character that I paid little attention to before is suddenly clearer in focus. His heart for mosaic-type worship bears heavier on my own. When you build relationship with those people with whom you may never otherwise interact with, if not for your shared love of Jesus, you receive glimpses of God's character that can overwhelm, inspire, and even startle you. The thing bonding you is HIM. The power that is available for unity is quite a gift. I'm just a little shaken by it today. And it makes me think a lot about what my reasons and motivations are for seeking and being in community with others in my church.

What a blessing it is to be a part of a group that brings passion, authenticity, and variety to the table! These people in this class sure bring ALL of that. And God uses it every single week. I really do think it's important to not limit our relational connectivity within the church to only those in our same age group/life stage. We're always gravitating towards those like us, and while it's good to be in community with those we match up with in terms of season of life (there are lots of benefits there too), it's really refreshing to also connect with people, whether through studying God's Word or through service of some kind, who bring such diversity in perspective through different backgrounds, ages, personalities, and experiences. It makes me a different girl. And today I'm just thinking a lot about how much I love that God loves variety.

A Grand Party Day

2009-05-30T19:53:00.006-05:00

Last weekend, we had family in town and celebrated both Jonah's and Parker's birthdays on the same day. (Photos below!) Jonah's 4th b-day isn't until the week after next, but it made it easier to party earlier with out-of-town family being here for memorial day weekend. My mom has wanted to host one birthday party for each of her grandchildren during their early years, and she always goes to great lengths to make them special and memorable. This year was Jonah's turn to have a "Gigi party" - and it did not disappoint! It was held at a nearby wildlife drive-through park where you drive your car to see all these different animals that come up to your window and you feed them. Jonah had a blast. My mom did such a cute job with the decorations. I'll have to get some pictures of the table from my aunts because I didn't have any good ones. It didn't go exactly as planned, thanks to a downpour the second the party table got set, but those are the kinds of things that make for extra funny memories! It was quite an adventure for the kids. We're so thankful for everything Gigi did to show her love for Jonah. She sure did show it! A couple hours after his party, all of our family returned back to our house for a little party to celebrate Parker Jane's birthday. She was her usual self, trying to be sassy. We discussed this little attitude of hers a lot last weekend - it's like she wants you to think she's mad and doesn't like you so she scrunches up her nose and squints her eyes at you, but her eyes remain expressionless. She doesn't quite follow through. It's hard to buy that she's really being mean, but she sure tries. I can't believe I have such a snobby daughter. Thankfully, she's gotten over herself a little this week and is being friendlier than normal. She's such an interesting mix of sassy and sweet. Now that I'm starting to see that unique personality coming through, I keep thinking it will be very interesting to see how God shapes her little heart over the years. Just so you know, in the photos below of her eating her cake (first sweets she's had), about 10 different people took what seemed like 30 photos each, and she never once cracked a smile for any camera. She's stingy with those smiles! I thought people told me that girls innately know how to pose for a photo??! She was serious about that cake though.

2 Great Parties:
Aren't these amazing-looking cupcakes??!! Tasty, too! Way to go, Mom.

Fun Firsts

2009-05-20T14:11:00.006-05:00

I haven't updated in a while. Not really sure why. We've been having lots of fun around here...

First Real Interest in a Sport:

First Pig Tails:

First Buzzed Head:

First Birthday (In this picture, she was smiling and swaying as we sang "Happy Birthday", like she knew the day was all about her):

First Fish Caught:

First Baby Doll Stroller:

First Trip to a Fire Station:

Who She IS

2009-05-11T08:26:00.003-05:00

Last week, I had the privilege of attending a graduation ceremony for 75 women in my community who were afforded the opportunity for job and life skills training through an excellent organization called The Christian Women's Job Corps. I was so blessed by being in the presence of these incredibly strong women. They were truly inspirational. As the keynote speaker gave her address, she shared something that has been swirling in my mind ever since. At one point in her speech, she listed the verbs that describe the woman in the Proverbs 31 passage. I always recommend that people study Scripture in context, but assuming you are familiar with this passage, I wanted to share those verbs below (mostly in the ESV with a few exceptions coming from the NIV) because their emphasis has provided for me a fresh, different perspective on the women we are called to be. (If you are not familiar, you can study it in context here.) I had never before looked at this chapter from this viewpoint. It's been nice to think through not solely what the Proverbs 31 woman does, but who she is.

She does.
She seeks.
She works.
She brings.
She rises.
She provides.
She considers.
She buys.
She plants.
She dresses.
She perceives.
She holds.
She grasps.
She opens.
She reaches.
She makes.
She delivers.
She laughs.
She speaks.
She watches.
She surpasses.

Remembering

2009-05-04T14:55:00.003-05:00

Periodically, our church does these initiatives called 28-Day Experiments. A small booklet of 28 brief, devotional-like readings is published, and families within the church can read through the booklet in their homes. For 28 days. All together. They're pretty neat. Each one that has been produced takes a different focus. Currently, we are doing a 28-Day Experiment entitled "Catalyst - Becoming Agents of World Change." We're one week into it, and this particular one is excellent. Much of its focus is on our own church's missionaries who are serving in various places, but it contains daily snippets of truth about God's design for our personal involvement in supporting these fellow believers and church members serving elsewhere. But it's far from typical.

I mostly grew up in churches that I thought were mission-oriented. But I'm hearing things now about supporting missions that I've never heard in my life. Things beyond the "Pray, Send, Go" options we've heard about. I'm being taught new truths about cultivating a heart for missions that reflects Jesus' own heart. And to be quite honest, I never really paid much attention to that idea before. Supporting missions seemed like an "extra" in the Christian journey. Periodically there would opportunities to do something along the lines of supporting missions, but when I happened upon them, they always seemed to fall into one of the following categories: praying for missionaries, supporting them financially, or taking an occasional trip to provide physical help. I never really looked at the whole issue in a comprehensive way. I never sought out what Jesus' heart for supporting missions looks like and ALL the ways it could be developed in my own heart. That has been changing throughout the last several years. Despite being a slow learner on this stuff, I am grateful to be in process.

One of last week's readings, written by our global outreach pastor, Steve Rumph, really convicted me, and I'd love to share it here:

"I'm still impacted by a Grace Community missionary's answer to the question I posed to her in 2002, 'What's your greatest concern about heading out into the field?'

Her response was not at all what I expected. I expected something like, language problems, health issues, financial support, or dangers for children.

What Serina Hollowell said with genuine emotion was, 'We are afraid you will forget us!'

The first missionary also mentions how important it is to be remembered as he wrote: 'Timothy has come to us from you...and reported that you always remember us kindly and long to see us, as we long to see you.' (1 Thess 3:6).

Could it be that what comforted the Apostle Paul 2,000 years ago, and Serina Hollowell today, should be of real importance to us?"

I had completely missed this concept in Scripture. Now I remember reading these sentiments from Paul, but it never connected with me how important it is that I remember to remember those who have left here to go where they are. Doing so is another way I can become more like Jesus. It's biblical! How hard is remembering? It should be easy. But I get distracted. I get caught up in my own little world and forget about others' circumstances. Later that same day I read this, my sister-in-law randomly mentioned to me something about almost deleting an email newsletter she received from a girl she knew a long time ago who was serving as a missionary in a country overseas. She was about to trash it without reading it when she suddenly was stopped by the thought that she was put on that newsletter distribution for a reason and was meant to read it. She was telling me this because she was sharing how blessed she was by reading this girl's testimony. In some way, it filled her up that day and pointed her more towards Christ. I got chills from experiencing further conviction from the Lord on this topic. Two nudges from the Lord, on the very same day, through two different sources. Hmm...

As Joel and I attended a missionary support team meeting last night for a couple in our community group who is leaving this week to head back to Africa after a 6-month respite in the States, I was reminded of the timeliness of God's nudges. When He speaks, it's for a reason. And when He instructs, there are always opportunities to obey. I want to remember to remember people and their needs. There's so much I have to learn.

Spring Fun

2009-04-23T21:35:00.005-05:00

We're having so much fun having Shelly and Piper for a visit right now!! Sure miss that friend.

And here are some snapshots from an Easter egg hunt at my aunt Joy's house and then more on Easter day:

Other quick updates - We're still staying busy. It seems we've been having lots of company lately, and I'm loving that. I have a few (very frugal) decorating projects I'm working on right now, so hopefully I'll soon have pictures to post. Our community group has started a new series that Joel and I are so excited about - The Peasant Princess sermon series from Mark Driscoll. It's a series he preached on Song of Solomon, and we're anticipating great discussion on the topic of marriage within our group, as the husbands and wives meet separately each time our group meets to talk deeply about some of the issues of marriage that often go untalked-about in the church. And the biggest thing in our family's life right now is that Parker Jane is taking steps! I have an almost-walking child! I'm sooo not ready to have a preschooler and a TODDLER! Didn't I just have a baby a few weeks ago?? Her walk is the cutest thing ever. For one thing, she's so short that it looks pretty funny to see her move those legs. And if you ever saw her crawl, you'll know she moves very delicately. She has a very dainty walk too! We've got to get some video of this soon. It might be next year....poor second child.

Serving Like Jesus, Part Two

2009-04-13T09:09:00.000-05:00

I started a post a couple weeks ago all about how nice it feels now that the big wedding is over to have a cleared calendar (ha!) and no major time commitments hanging over my head, and then I wasn't able to finish it because my days been so occupied. Funny how that works. I was thinking this morning about that though and realizing how right that probably is. I think God works that way. Sometimes we need to free ourselves and our schedules up enough to be ready for whatever He wants to surprise us with. I really believe He clears our calendars only to fill them back up with what HE wants us to be doing. The disciplines of solitude and stillness are vital to the Christian journey, but in Scripture you always see Jesus' times of solitude followed very closely by opportunities to serve people. His very last one of these times alone with the Lord (and a quite intense one, I might add) took place right before He went to work for us on the cross. It should be the same for us, that those quieter times are always about heart preparation for the action that is to come. We are all led to different actions, of course, but I think God is pretty clear with us about what the life of following Christ really should look like (Matthew 10:38-39, Mark 10:43-45, 1 Peter 2:21, John 21:17, Luke 19:10). I don't think He ever intended it to be all leisure. Our lives are clearly intended for purposes greater than ourselves, so it shouldn't be all that surprising that God wants me busy enough to be impacting lives and modeling Him. But I admit, sometimes I'm surprised by it. Sometimes I just plain forget what He wants from me. Just as I can crowd out His plans by making too many of my own and filling up my schedule too fast and staying busier than I need to be, I also find that I pridefully congratulate myself during those times when I have cleared my schedule - only to be hit with the conviction that I've cleared it for me and my own agenda and relaxation. I've found that any decision or effort or action can easily slip into the form of an idol. What a delicate line there is between unnecessary busyness and just plain idleness. I find that I can slide so easily between the two without even realizing what has happened.

I do think that the balance is found only through daily surrender and readiness. And I want to get there. I want to wake up each day with a real desire to serve wherever I'm needed, regardless of what it is. I want to daily have that attitude that is seeking needs that the Lord desires to meet through me. From what I've seen so far in Scripture and in studying Jesus' example of servanthood, just being willing to have my plans changed isn't enough. That flexibility is a good thing, and I would like to see that more consistently in my life. But I'm starting to understand that it wouldn't be enough. A heart wouldn't look like Jesus' in this area if I wasn't being more proactive in directing my day's activities towards others and their needs. Am I making His plans my own in the first place? Am I actively trying to seek out ways to serve?? I don't think I want to answer that out loud.

So, yes, I have been busy the last few weeks. But a different kind of busy. I don't have long-terms plans or those big events you put on your calendar way in advance and anticipate for a long time before. Nothing wrong with those, I just don't have any of them right now. It's a weird place to be. I don't remember ever being in this place actually. Most of my married life has been filled with a lot of anticipating, planning, and expecting of children to be added to our home, and now that I'm not looking towards that (for the first time ever!), I'm in more of a day-to-day living, not knowing what's next in life, type of place. Things are just happening day by day. And what I'm finding is that when you do live more in the present and you are actively pursuing how you can be used "just today" every day, amazingly, He uses you!! There are a lot of needs around us right now. Lots of really heavy needs. It can get overwhelming, honestly. But it's definitely driven me to spend more time at Jesus' feet, finding refreshment there. Prior to these last several weeks, my time in the Word had become more task-oriented than relationally-driven, and these random serving opportunities around me are certainly pushing me out of that dryness as I'm learning that spiritual activity not motivated out of love is NOT going to produce what is needed for me to be able to do all this stuff and serve like I'm called to! But I've always been a slow learner with these spiritual lessons. Oh, the patience of God.

Another blessing this "new" busyness has brought is that it's caused me to reexamine what God wants for me, in terms of personal ministry. I've been seeking direction on where to serve? Who do I serve? What gifts do I use where? Am I neglecting my gift? Am I using it where it's most needed? When opportunities to minister and serve others are popping up all over, you realize quickly that you can't do it all. You have to decide what are the best things to be doing and stick to them. And only the Lord can show me what those are for me. So I've been in a refining process concerning those things, and I am excited because I feel like God is really speaking to my heart about these questions I have. He's giving me glimpses into what my main focuses of ministry should be right now, both day-to-day and in those situations where some longer-time commitments are necessary, and I'm getting excited about the new things to come! I'm still in conversation with Him about it, so maybe I'll share more about where He's leading at a later time. But I am reminded that it's less about the details of serving than it is about the heart of serving. Sometimes I try too hard to understand spiritual gifts. It can get really confusing trying to figure all of that out - what our gifts really are, natural abilities vs. spiritual gifts, when exactly the gift comes, etc. The Bible isn't especially clear about all of it. But the Bible is clear on the importance of intentionally serving. The goal of following Christ doesn't come without practical guidance and lots of examples from His life. So, to me it seems like God is more interested in me just doing it than in me understanding all of the hows and whys of it. I think as I obey the call to serve, He will reveal more of what I need to know about it. But for some reason, I've spent most of my life trying to know more about it so that I can do it. The problem with that is that I end up not doing it a lot.

So I'm in transition, and I don't know what life is going to look like tomorrow. Or even later today. And it's weird. But it's really good too. I'm ok with it. I've never quite lived like this before. And no doubt my natural tendencies will pull me towards selfish living every single day. I'm just hoping that writing about it now will compel me a little more to put it into action, and I hope I come out looking just a little more like Jesus.

Somebody Likes Eyeshadow!

2009-04-08T16:37:00.003-05:00

Is this a guilty face or what?!?Parker got into my make-up when I stepped out of the room this morning. Apparently, she likes blue.

In case you've been wondering, my hands are FULL!

Oh, Here Are A Few....

2009-03-24T20:31:00.010-05:00

The wedding is over. Whew! It was a fun weekend. But oh my, I just about crashed Saturday night after it was over. Wait, make that early Sunday morning. That party went on forever! I'm waiting to get more photos from my mom and aunt because I was unable to take as many as I wanted, and I will put all of them on facebook when I get them. But for now, here are some highlights of last weekend's wedding festivities:

Parker and her daddy really bonded over the weekend. It was precious to watch!The absolute highlight of my weekend was this moment, dancing with my son:
My brother dancing with Jonah and Maggie:
Our table at the rehearsal dinner held at Villa Montez:

My parents:Blake and Amy:
me and Lace (we both happened to wear navy dresses and pearls) at her bridesmaids luncheon the day before the wedding:And I'll end with this beautiful picture of the beautiful bride:Ben and Lacey had a few days to spend at home between the wedding and the honeymoon, and the newlyweds pulled in their driveway Sunday to find water coming out of their front door. A broken pipe. A mess. The ceiling in the kitchen completely caved in. What a way to start married life, huh? They're in Mexico now, and I bet the beach never felt so good.

This Boy I Love

2009-03-18T09:56:00.004-05:00

playing with cousins Nathan and Maggie:
Well, Jonah is growing into quite the sweet big brother. Life with him right now is really fun! He's fascinated with animals still, but here in the last few weeks, he's not been playing with them imaginatively like he had been doing every day for months and months. He's super interested in learning about them though. As we're nearing his fourth birthday, I'm really seeing pieces of the fun to come! I think I'm going to like age four! He's been really sweet lately. Once he got past the three and a half mark, things have been going a lot smoother. I definitely think his temper is his biggest issue, but, thankfully, we've been seeing it come out less often the last few months. That's not to say it doesn't still come out at times! But less often is great with me. The Lord knows I've needed some glimpses into the fruit of training, and there have been some great glimpses here recently! Earlier this week, as I was buckling his carseat, he reached out and hugged my neck and said, "I love you, Princess Mommy." I almost died. I'm so in love.

I told Joel this week that I'm just now starting to feel like a mother of two. Not that this past year hasn't had its share of parenting craziness. It has. But Parker is just now on the verge of being a real little person in our family! Up until now, her needs have been those basic babycare needs. Now her personality will be blooming, and we'll be gaining insights into what her strengths and weaknesses are and where she'll need the most direction. It's hitting me now that I have TWO hearts to shepherd! Two little people to not just keep alive but really parent. It's going to be so interesting around here in the coming months! But I really am excited about it. And to see how Jonah and Parker's relationship grows through these months of learning to really live and play together and get along. It will surely have its bumps, but I'm ready!

This weekend is the big weekend - my cousin Lacey's wedding. It's busy around these parts. The festivities will not only be physically exhausting on all four of us, but it is very emotional for me too. These weeks leading up to it have been tiring, but they have been a joy as well. I've been so grateful to have a place in this wedding, to love on my cousin and serve her as best I can. It really has been a pleasure. But I think we might be crashing this time next week! My biggest concerns are that I don't cry my head off up on stage during the ceremony and that Jonah goes down the aisle like he's supposed to without causing a disturbance of any kind. He will be with his cousins. And he will have a bell in hand. That's enough to terrify me. This would not be a good week for anybody in our family to get sick either, so I'm really praying against that. Below is a picture of me and Lacey at a wonderful, fun shower for her and Ben last weekend in Athens, and the other picture is of the ugliest, tastiest cupcakes I made for a lingerie shower I hosted for her a couple of weeks ago.

On a different note, our family mission trip to Mexico has been cancelled due to the violence that's threatening and victimizing many along the border. While I trust God's involvement in this and am grateful for my babies to be protected from the danger, it is rather disappointing. It's a hard thing for me to grapple with - when you experience God leading you down a path only to find the road ends sooner than you expected. I know He knows the reason, and that's good enough for me. But I can't say I'm not sad about how things worked out. I'm definitely disappointed here.

Book Review - The Beautiful Fight

2009-03-14T11:41:00.002-05:00

More on serving to come, but I just wanted to take a minute to write about a book I read recently. It's the best book in the Christian nonfiction genre that I've read in a while. Written by my favorite author, Gary Thomas, The Beautiful Fight details many of the components of spiritual transformation, delving into what seems like quite a paradoxical issue: We make choices to grow into holiness, yet the Holy Spirit is the One making us holy.

I started writing posts on various chapters of this book before, but I never posted them because I would read another chapter and think I'd post something on that one instead. Eventually, I finished the book and regretted not having shared something about each chapter as I read it. At this point, how do I summarize a book that is so full of helpful, practical truths about the transformation we're all saved by grace to experience throughout our lives? Thankfully, at the end of the book, there is listed a review of the main point of each chapter, so I thought I would share with you some of that review so you can know a tiny bit of the topic each chapter deals with:

"First, we must gain a new vision for how compelling Christianity can be (chapter 1). We need a larger understanding of what it means to be strong 'oaks of righteousness' (Isaiah 61:3) for the display of God's splendor. Until we are captured by this vision, we won't let go of our old way of life.
Second, we must grow in our understanding of what it means to be experience God and to be empowered by his Holy Spirit (chapter 2)...Instead of just knowing about God, daily experiencing God's power and presence must become an essential element of our faith.
Third, we need to recapture the theological importance of the ascension (chapter 3). The ascension gives us hope that we can become more like Jesus is now and leads us to look at our bodies in a new way (chapter 4).
This sets us on a journey of offering up our eyes to see as God sees (chapter 5), closing our eyes to what is against God, and opening our eyes to God's goodness and power. We also begin cultivating mouths that speak God's words (chapter 6) and embark on a life of active listening (chapter 7). We train our minds to think God's thoughts (chapter 8) and our hearts to feel what he feels (chapter 10). This leads us to offer up our hands and feet to be God's servants and to go to the needy and lost (chapter 9).
With transformed bodies, we start living a life of intentional and conscious availability (chapter 11), motivated by gratitude and a desire to give God his due glory (chapter 12). Lest we grow weary in the Beautiful Fight, we remember the need to pursue perfection (chapter 13). Even though we'll never achieve perfection, the journey toward it keeps us from the snare of complacency.
We'll face many obstacles along the way. The Beautiful Fight is certainly not an easy struggle (chapter 14). But when we submit and surrender to God, we accept the lessons we can learn from our disappointments, illnesses, and failures, trusting that God will use them to conform us to the image of Christ.
On top of all this, we recognize the importance of being an active member of a Christian community (chapter 15). The Beautiful Fight is not a solo pursuit; we need to cultivate healthy, inspiring relationships - in person primarily, but also receiving inspiration through books and study to keep us from becoming too ingrained by our local culture and age.
Finally, we recognize that while God is the force, power, and inspiration behind all of this, we have a responsibility to cooperate with his work and make decisions accordingly (chapter 16). We can put ourselves in places that encourage growth."

Thomas so eloquently answers questions that, I admit, have plagued me for a while. Questions about my role versus God's and questions about the end goal of perfection versus reality on earth and human nature. The chapter on community was extremely good. Being a small group pastor's wife, I've been privy to a lot of great teaching on the subject, but The Beautiful Fight's teaching of the subject was fresh and insightful. The epilogue had me in tears as I was overwhelmed by the comprehensiveness and precision of God's purposes for man on earth. I highly recommend this book. For part of the reading of this book, Joel and I read through it together, discussing various parts. I think it's helpful to read this with someone, to help pull out personal application opportunities. There are study questions at the back that would be suitable for small group settings and one-on-one discipleship relationships. But you can certainly read through it on your own too, just letting Jesus guide you in your understanding of His purposes for us on earth.

(Note: I've reorganized my reading list on the right side of my blog, and I plan to link those books mentioned to posts that I write in review of that book. I'll try to get to the others soon. I hope it will be helpful to some of you who are looking for a little reading inspiration!)

Serving Like Jesus

2009-03-11T15:14:00.003-05:00

Last week, the staff wives of our church met together and each shared with the group what God is teaching us right now. What I shared that night had to do with some things God has been teaching me about servanthood. These truths He's been showing me have really convicted me. You see, I am not by nature a servant. I mean, I get that we are all selfish creatures apart from the Spirit of God in us, but I think some people's personalities and gifts, both natural and of the Spirit, lend themselves towards a more helpful, gracious, nurturing quality. That is not me at all. At all. Service is neither a natural nor a spiritual gift of mine! For most of my life, I've pretty much preferred to be served.

I have lots to work through right now. My thoughts about serving are being transformed, but I want it to go way beyond that. I want these truths fleshed out in my everyday actions. And I'm learning what a process that is. And also learning how gracious God is to me during my weak attempts at demonstrating His heart of service to those around me. I know this for sure: He is patient!

Several weeks ago, I spent some time thinking about what a widowed friend of mine is going through. I thought about what kind of loneliness surely hits someone in a position like that. I'm just speculating here, but I can't help but think that in some ways maybe her loneliness is intensified by the fact that she's spent her widowed life serving others so much and so well. I know she's made sure to stay in community with the Body of Christ and to serve WITH others, and I'm sure that's a big part of how God has provided for her needs and why she is ok right now even during a difficult time. It reminds me of the importance of bringing others alongside us into ministry and joining others in what they're doing to serve because we all need that partnership. It is essential. All over the place, Scripture testifies to the importance of teamwork when it comes to the gospel and discipleship. Isolation in ministry is the quickest path to burnout, in my opinion and experience. Anyway, I was thinking about how apart from those ministry-partner friendships, the real kind of service that God calls us to probably in its nature sets us up for real loneliness. That's because the real kind of service God calls us to isn't the kind where we get something in return. It isn't about serving those who can serve us back. Jesus ministered to those truly in need of healing. He ministered to the sickest of sick, the poorest of poor, the neediest of all. And none of them could do for Him what He had done for them. My friend has poured out her life, investing so many resources and so much time, to many people who are in a season of life where they are probably not able to reciprocate in meeting her needs. It may have compounded her loneliness in a way, but it has surely earned her great reward with the Lord for being a true servant. As I reflected on most of the serving I've done over past years, I confess that the majority of it has been done for those who reciprocate that same kind of service to me when I find myself in some kind of need. Please don't misunderstand me to be saying that loving on believers isn't good. Oh my goodness, that is not what I mean. Investing in our friendships, regularly having couples from our community group over for dinner, hosting and attending baby and wedding showers and the like for friends are all ways that I feel called to love on the people of my church. We should take care of each other and have a mutual interest as fellow Christians in loving each other. We're supposed to love on each other in a way that shows Christian brotherly-love to be the best kind around. Jesus tells us so. Our love for one another in the church should point nonbelievers towards Christ.

It just shouldn't stop there.

If that's all the kind of serving I'm doing, I'm not living like Jesus. Who am I serving that I could never imagine paying me back? Who am I investing in that has needs that huge? As I began to think this through a few weeks ago, I realized that most of the people I've been serving are servants themselves and I could think of very few people I serve who aren't. Something's not right about that.

But it's just like Jesus to start showing me what my heart is lacking right before He brings me opportunities to practice that change. I've been amazed at the needs around me that He's allowed me to see this week. They are huge. Opportunities for serving like Jesus abound, I just need to open my eyes to it more often and abide in Him in such a way that my actions reflect His heart.

Random Things:

2009-03-06T17:41:00.008-06:00

1.) My little girlie is getting quite big.

I tell her every day that she's not allowed to do big girl things, and she attempts them anyway. She's so disobedient like that. I'm feeling her "babyness" lessen every day. I'm not liking it, yet I'm also getting glimpses of the fun to come as she is blooming a little more personality. Not that there's much personality yet. When Jonah was that age, I could list all these qualities of his personality as a baby that ended up ringing true for who he was as a toddler and pre-schooler. There were just these obvious things....his laid-back attitude, his ability to focus intensely on something, his attention to detail, his observant nature, etc. I can't tell you a thing about who this girl is going to be! She's mostly quiet and happy, but she also has this penchant for drama that shines through at random times. When it does, she can be quite expressive. She's not saying any words. (Surprise, surprise. She's at home with me and Jonah all day. Who could get a word in edgewise?) I've been thrilled with her eating. I think our baby food days are numbered. She's loving table food. One day last week, she ate a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for lunch and had steak, potatoes, and corn for dinner. I was so happy! This one's an eater! I tried taking more pictures of her and of Jonah, but my camera has been giving me so many problems, so these are all I've got. (I'll get some of Jonah soon and be sure to update you on his little life as well in another post.) My sweet husband went today and bought me some fancy new batteries with a fancy new charger, and these things are supposed to make my photo-taking life easier.

2.) This has been a hard week. But it's been such a good week too. Every single day has brought reminders of the newness of the Lord's mercies (Lamentations 3:22-23), and I am so thankful for that. I've been able to spend quality time and have quality conversations with my sweet friends this week, and it's just what my heart needed. I didn't know it's what my heart needed until the Lord so graciously gave it and allowed it to be healing.

3.) I bought my first pair of Spanx this week, and I'm kinda sad about it. I knew about gravity and all, I just didn't know these things would happen in my twenties. I also just realized that I'm starting to really like shopping at Steinmart. I'm pretty sure I'm old now.

Heavy

2009-03-02T05:29:00.002-06:00

My heart is heavy right now. I am burdened for someone I care so much about, and I have done all I can do to help this person. I pray that she'll want help. As of now, she's walking down a very destructive path and doesn't see that. It may be that she just doesn't care. But I'm hoping that it's because of how blinding the process of sin is, how it takes us one step further away every time we say yes to it and we aren't usually aware of how many steps away we've taken. So I'm praying for enlightenment, for the Spirit of God to make truth plain and clear and for her heart to really hear it. To have to confront someone is awful. And costly. I very well may have lost a relationship that I am not wanting to lose. But it had to be done. Someone had to speak truth. And I've actually known for years it would be me. I've dreaded it. I thought I had done all I needed to do. A couple months ago, I talked with her and hoped I was done. Rather than the conversation being confrontational that time, it was more of me asking thought-provoking questions. And her giving all the right answers. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, assume that they mean what they say and are in the place they say they are. But too many evidences show that she didn't and she's not. And I just shared with her last night what I see and how concerned I am, and my pleas to be convinced otherwise were mostly met with silence. Truth was responded to in anger and defensiveness, not surprisingly really, despite my best efforts to convey love. I'm scared of the consequences she'll face if she continues down this road of playing games with God. He won't accept that much longer, I'm afraid. Really afraid. Actually, I'm not so sure anymore that this is about "restoring a (sister) caught in sin" (Galatians 6:1). The silence I received on the subject of Jesus causes me to wonder if she is really His, and that question is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I did what I felt God asked me to do. But the enemy is full of accusations towards me, and I'm battling lots of lies. I'm thankful for the sweet (night owl) =) friend who listened to me pour out my feelings after the confrontation last night, received my tearful, trembling "processing" and affirmed and reinforced Truth to me. And I'm praying, praying, praying. Praying for her heart. Praying for all those things I've not really wished for her, like brokenness. Praying that the truth of whatever God allowed me to share with her, though not done perfectly so, will penetrate her soul and will act as the seed that will sprout transformation. His transformation of her heart. I'm so thankful He's in the business of doing that. And I'm thankful that I know Him and have tasted of that myself. All I can do is pray and continue to show love, even with the expectation that my love may not be received anytime soon, or ever. God has given me love for her, so I know that agape will endure. My part will be to keep tapping into that. Every day.

Our Mexico Adventure

2009-02-26T14:33:00.002-06:00

We've decided to go on a family mission trip this summer to Mexico. All four of us. We're really excited. There is a large group of families from our church and several other churches here that go every year for a week to a Mexican border town and do ministry at an orphanage there. Within the group, there is a medical team, a construction team, and two VBS teams. We're not sure exactly what our role will be within those teams, but it is likely that I will be helping to conduct a VBS for children out in the nearby villages and Joel will be doing that as well or helping with construction. Tonight we are attending a meeting about it, the first one with all of the committed team members, so we're sure to learn more. This has been a dream of mine and Joel's to go on a mission trip together and to be able to take our kids with us, and I'm thankful for how God has led us to be a part of this team at this time. Now, it's just a matter of watching God provide for all that is necessary for us to make the trip, and I look forward to seeing how He works in these next few months to get us ready for the trip, which will take place from late June to early July. There will be a lot for us to watch for! A lot of stretching and faith-building opportunities are already underway. I want so much to respond in trust and expectancy rather than in anxiousness, fear, and faithlessness.

I'm especially excited to be able to spend time with children who live in this orphanage. For a while now, I feel that God has been drawing my attention to the plight of those who do not have parents to care for them. Very recently, He's been teaching me, through various avenues, to see and have more of His heart for orphans. And while I would say yes today to the prospect of adopting a child into our family if God asked, I recognize that He's not asking me that today. I hope He does one day, I really do. But for now, for many reasons, I have to assume that isn't the direction we're headed. But there is definitely a tug on my heart for the orphans in the world, both near and far. And it's been a struggle of mine to understand why that desire is burning and growing in me and it seems like, at least at this point, adoption is not meant to be for us. It's definitely an issue that I struggle with regularly. But now that we've decided to go on this Mexico trip, I'm getting glimpses of some of the "why"s and understanding more and more that there are a lot of ways that I can be a part of living out God's heart for the orphaned. Though it often includes adoption, it goes so much further beyond that. I'm seeing that mirroring God's heart for the orphaned is something we're ALL called to, regardless of the varied, individual ways we are asked to flesh that out.

James tells us, "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Caring for the needs of those two groups of people is something that, in a way, authenticates our faith in Christ. I want that to be true of me - that it's obvious that I follow Christ because of my compassion for those in need. I wouldn't say my faith has been marked by that at all. I'd say I've mostly lived a self-centered existence. God has been challenging me to live differently and to get passionate about helping people in need. And I know this opportunity in Mexico will be just that: an opportunity to face and fight through my selfishness, in order to live out God's love for the children we encounter. And for me to embrace the change God wants to do in my heart and accept more of what He desires to create in me. And to have His heart for orphans.

It's a beautiful love. The same Love responsible for my own redemption and adoption into God's family. I want to know and reflect more of it.

"Nesting" Baby Shower

2009-02-25T08:30:00.005-06:00

Recently, some friends and I helped throw a sip-n-see for a friend who just had her first child, a sweet baby boy. We went with a modern bird/nesting theme, and though it was extremely simple, I thought it turned out just darlin. Thought I'd share some photos for you all who enjoy party inspiration:

Kate made these cupcakes...beautiful. (Instructions/helpful hints on those can be found on her blog.)

And below are some pictures of shower guests. I realize the shower isn't about me, but still I can't look at these shower pics and not think about how blessed I am to have such amazing ladies in my life. I can't believe the community of authentic, generous, loving friends I've found myself in here in our town and especially in our church. I have to say it. Because I just can't get over it.

Beautiful mom and baby of honor:
Jennifer loving on the baby:
Natalie:
Kristin and Robyn:
Maureen, me, and Kate:

And for pictures from another friends's shower (Adriane) that I helped host but was unable to attend, see this post from Kate.

New Week

2009-02-23T07:02:00.003-06:00

Last week was strange. Thank you to all those who prayed for little Brady. He's doing much better. We're so thankful he finally started to get well! He was really sick (temp was 104.5 when he went to the doctor last Saturday morning before being sent to the ER) and in such terrible pain for so many days. He's home now, playing and crawling around like usual, with nurses coming out daily to help with the care of his incision from having to have surgery last Monday to remove infection. The sweet guy went through so much. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be a parent of that child. What they went through watching their child in so much pain, not being able to do anything to bring him comfort, and then handing him over to doctors for him to undergo an operation, was awful. I have no firsthand experience of anything like that. This was the "closest" I've come to it. The most I've personally seen a child suffer. And I admit, it rattled me. I was struggling with it, talking to God about it but mainly in protest. It's impossible in the moment to grasp why something like that is happening and even more difficult to accept that you don't know. While I was not experiencing it as a parent and wouldn't dare want to sound like I'm comparing it, I could see clearly that the whole process involved surrender and that surrender doesn't come without struggle. You watch a baby not able to even sleep because of pain, for days straight, and you struggle. That's just the nature of our life as humans. But what really convicted me is that while I was wrestling through some of this, in praying for Brady, I was struck with the thought that God allows this to happen A LOT. Children suffer. Innocent babies live with very harsh circumstances. There are millions of them all over the world. Their pain doesn't let up. Babies who don't get to experience the blessing of good medical care. And it's so easy to get all fired up about it when it's my nephew and my family going through it, because, of course, I love them so much. But how worked up do I get about all of the other suffering in the world? Not enough. Not enough to really look like a follower of Christ. Honestly, not even once a month for me. I rarely even look at the needs of the suffering, poor, sick children in the world, let alone get so passionately compassionate for them that I talk to God about it like I talked to God on behalf of Brady last week. Except for some specific times God has confronted me with the suffering of the world in a way that left me no choice but to take action, I don't wrestle through it in prayer, I don't carry that burden. Most often, I ignore it. And I'm really being convicted about that. There's been a new thing stirring in me. I don't know what. Something. Something that makes me want to do something.

Last week was such a blur. I didn't do many of my regular activities. I was pretty checked out. So today starts a new week, and it's back to all of the normal stuff. It's weird how those abnormal weeks just hit you by surprise. I want to be better prepared for those when they come. I feel behind. And I wish I could stay ahead of the course more often so that surprise weeks like last week don't throw me so far off. But I'm getting back on track this week. And there's lots to do! Oh, and I have lots to say, so there will be more new posts coming soon!

Two Places at Once

2009-02-15T18:08:00.005-06:00

This weekend, Joel and I were blessed to be able to attend Family Life's Weekend to Remember conference again, and I am overwhelmingly grateful. I'm in love with my husband. I have more to say about that and how energizing this conference and weekend getaway was for us. But that post will have to wait. There's a lot going on right now. I was refreshed in so many ways this weekend, and, in some ways, that is still the case. But I also feel completely drained. We cut our trip short a little bit due to a difficult family situation. My nephew Brady has been hospitalized since yesterday morning with a staph infection on his lower abdomen, and he is very sick. This has been hard. He's in a lot of pain. It's heavy. And scary. And difficult. What I'm going through is nothing in comparison to what Brady's mom and dad are experiencing right now as they wait for him to get better, not able to comfort their baby at all. But still, I am exhausted physically and need a fresh supply of energy in order to be helpful with taking care of Nathan and Maggie tonight and tomorrow. I also really need to spend time preparing for my Bible study class this week, and I'm really unsure when that will happen. Frankly, it's not where my head is at all. It's occupied with praying, thinking about Brady, and doing all the things that need to get done in order to meet everyone's needs. I know that when I find that time for study, it will be good. It will be just what I need. I'm yearning for it. But I just don't know how everything is going to fall into place the next few days. And I'm really sick with sadness over what Brady is having to endure right now. I'd love some prayers.

Brokenness

2009-02-11T12:30:00.001-06:00

Our Bible study on Hosea is going great. (By the way, our other class registrant was able to join the class after all, and God's mix of ladies in there is just beautiful.) Yesterday's discussion was on brokenness, specifically the pictures given to us in chapter two of Hosea to illustrate how God will often lead us into a wilderness experience of some kind to get us to realize our need for Him. It can be pretty painful. The things God describes sound pretty harsh (strip her, make her thirsty, build a wall against her, punish her, etc.), and it's easy to first think, "I don't want to be Gomer!" But we've all been Gomer. And as you continue reading the rest of that chapter, you quickly see that God's "breaking" of us is always and entirely done in the context of His perfect LOVE for us. Yes, we have issues. And those lead to bigger and bigger problems. Namely, distance from Him and an inability to fellowship with Him in an intimate way. Ultimately, it's destructive. But He loves us too much to leave us at the mercy of our own efforts and plans in escaping those problems. He has solutions! He has answers! He has the gospel! We just don't always see that until we're in that place of brokenness where it hits us that we've done all we can do and our ways are just not working out for us. We realize what we're doing wrong. And we grieve that. But we also see who He is, and we see that who He is will always be enough. If brokenness has its way fully in our lives, we will get to the place where we agree with God and we go with His way over our own. And it will be GOOD.

The most beautiful part, however, is that He doesn't stop with stopping us. He offers us something more. Something grand. Himself. Verse 14 of Hosea chapter two tells us that He leads us into brokenness so that He can speak tenderly to us. Tenderly. He's full of sweet encouragement for us. (By the way, this past summer, someone shared with me that there's not one example in all of Scripture of God speaking harshly at all to a woman. Anytime He corrected a woman's sin, it was done gently and tenderly. Interesting. I'd never heard that. While I haven't studied that or thought through it exhaustively, I have to say I can't think of one instance in Scripture where that's not true. Amazing.) He has life He wants to give. New life, better life. The things He withholds from us in the midst of brokenness are returned to us as the new, improved gifts of God. An exchange takes place. The idols removed and a love-relationship restored to what it has always been intended to be: an astounding commitment of love that God makes to us. Hosea 2:19 says, "I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy." What beautiful committed love. How often I've held other human beings to that standard all the while missing how the Lord has met that perfectly. He IS the standard of love. Restoration is possible. Restoration happens. But I have a part to play. When I'm broken, I need to be listening to Him. I need to listen for His loving direction and His words of encouragement. He has things to say. Am I listening? And then verse 15 reminds of the second part of really listening to Him: am I responding to what He's telling me? Do my actions and my responses tell Him that I really want to hear from Him? Or do I merely go through the motions of hearing Him and then do whatever it is I want?

The most interesting part of this study time on brokenness has been how it challenges me right now. I so want to initiate the brokenness on my own. Often. Regularly. I want to grow to the place where I am continually purging myself of ME. Emptying out everything in me that is not Him and then letting Him fill me with Him. I want to start out my days in brokenness. I want to keep the brokenness there so that He doesn't have to take me there. Obviously, it's always Him working anyway. But what I mean is that I want to know Him so intimately that I recognize sooner when there is a need for me to be broken for some reason and I let go of my rope a whole lot earlier. And I want that to be a habit.

Our Miracle Baby

2009-02-06T15:02:00.005-06:00

UPDATED***

My child doesn't always act like this. He's unique, but he was in an unusual performing mood for this particular video. Hyper. His mother's laughing pushed him a little further too. I happen to love the line "I stand alone on the Word of God" the first time he sings the B-I-B-L-E song. I bet you couldn't sing that line just like he does! He nails it the second time around though.

*****

Parker has finally really started crawling. It's such a dainty crawl though. Very girly. She's not yet very fast, thankfully. On Monday night, she saw some little pieces to a game that Joel, Jonah and I were playing and she got motivated by them to start moving! She wanted the game pieces so badly. So we finished up our game while keeping her little paws off of everything as best we could, and then we were sitting around watching her go. Jonah wasn't paying any attention to her, and I excitedly said, "Look at your sister! She's crawling now!" He took a quick look at her, seemingly disinterested, turned back to what he was doing and, with no expression whatsoever, said, "Yeah...she's a miracle baby."

What?! Where in the world did he get that??

Albertsons Has Been So Good to Me

2009-02-02T09:22:00.004-06:00

Look at all the stuff I got for $50 on Friday at Albertsons:

My total bill was $50.74, and my savings on that grocery bill was $44.36. I cut it almost in half!

Some of the bargain highlights of this particular shopping excursion:

5 cases (12-pk) of Dr Pepper for $11.88
3 pounds ground beef for $6.07 (3 meals worth for us)
pork tenderloin for $5.99 (meat for another meal)
8 oz bag John Soules fajita chicken (also 2 meals for us)
Gain detergent for $3.99 (on sale for $4.99, used a $.50 off coupon, Albertsons doubles it to $1 off)
Nature Valley granola bars and Fiber 1 bars for $1.50 per box. (also using 2 $.50 off coupons that were each doubled)
For $2.53, I got 2 boxes of Cap'n Crunch cereal, 2 cartons of Quaker oats, and Quaker breakfast oatmeal squares.

Yep, you heard me right on that last one! Want to know how?? There have been a number of Quaker items on sale with this promotion - 5 for 8.88 or 5 for 9.88. If you bought five of these items, they gave you an automatic $3 discount. (These were listed on the back side of the outer ad page for my local store - the ad that runs through tomorrow.) I chose four from the first category and one for the second category (you can always mix and match with these kinds of sales at Albertsons), which meant that I got those five Quaker products I listed for $6.08. This won't make sense if you're not looking at the same ad, but maybe it will be helpful to people in my area. I then used a coupon for $1 off 2 Quaker oats and then I used 2 $.50 off coupons on the cereals, which were automatically doubled by my good friend Albertsons. That brought my total down to $3.08. However, I used another $.55 off coupon for the oatmeal breakfast squares. Ta-da! Bringing my grand total on those five items to $2.53. I used a couple other coupons for sale items...Hunts tomatoes, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray, and took advantage of some great sale prices on a few other items. But WOW, that was one of the best savings I've had yet on groceries! Couldn't wait to share!

Just Thinking About Things

2009-01-27T20:34:00.004-06:00

Just a little while ago I updated my facebook status that I needed help in teaching Jonah to control his temper, and within minutes, I had several encouraging comments and one long and really helpful chat with a more "seasoned" mom. She shared some real creative techniques for training in this area. One of them involves having him run laps to expel some of that angry energy! Can't wait to try that one. Well, yes I can. Obviously, I don't look forward to one of his rage explosions. But still, that will kind of be funny, I think, to see him run back and forth from one fence to the other in the backyard. I can just see it now, and I'm smiling. Anyway, it's on my mind tonight because I just feel so supported in this. When your child has major self-control problems, it's easy to either feel alone in it, or you feel togetherness with others but without solutions. I got me some answers tonight! And I'm liking that.

I also have Bible study on my mind. Today was the first day of a class I'll be leading for the next six weeks on the book of Hosea, and I'm thrilled to pieces about it. I just still get surprised sometimes when God does things totally differently than I expect. I knew my class would be small, only a handful of ladies, and I was excited about the intimacy level possible with that size group. One told me yesterday she couldn't participate because of childcare issues and a sick baby, and another one didn't show up today. The two people I'm "leading" are my sister-in-law and one of my closest girlfriends...two people I love dearly and respect in countless ways. Two people who teach me. I am beyond thrilled to spend time in the Word with these ladies, but I admit I struggled a little bit with the fact that I also wanted to really impact people who maybe weren't pursuing the Lord like these girls do. I get really excited about teaching people who aren't so much students of the Word on their own, and one of my main goals is to always help encourage other women to know Him through Scripture. That's just one of my main passions in ministry to women. I always want to be passionate and influence by way of sharing that passion with someone who might lack it. All of these things, of course, are things I can't do on my own, but that's the kind of vision I have for my personal ministry. So I think I had a twinge of disappointment that there wasn't also one person in the class that is a little more "needy" per se. Which may sound prideful. I hope not. I just had gotten excited about that possibility...I thought it's what God had in mind for how He planned on using me these next couple months. Just switching gears in my expectations now.

BUT. I am VERY excited about what God DOES have in mind for this class. It will be such a breeze to lead this class, not having to worry about personality dynamics and how that will affect participation (which is usually a teacher's main concern with these types of classes)! And oh so FUN. What's better than hanging out with your friends, talking about God and His Word?! It's a sweet blessing. I'll enjoy it. And I enjoy Hosea a lot. I'll learn a lot from these girls too.

But it just got me thinking about how skewed my perspective of true discipleship can get. It always works best when the multiplication concept is factored in. Why do I feel like I need to be the one always having the direct impact on struggling believers? Now that is pride, for sure. What happened to the notion that a true disciple makes disciples who make disciples?? I just was reminded of that today. How important it is that all three of us are led by the Lord into deeper love for Him so that we can help lead others through that experience as God wills those people into our paths! I just can lose sight so quickly sometimes.

So my brain has been running today. I've already started writing different posts in my head. Some of them are kind of bratty though. Like the one titled "My Least Favorite Church Excuse." I wonder if I should complete that one.

Time for me to shut off my brain and "veg" for the rest of the evening. I've been trying to implement a new discipline of getting up early 4 weekday mornings a week, and it's been helpful. I've gotten more stuff done, but boy am I tired when evening comes. I'm already cozied up in bed, ready to get caught up on The Hills (I know, I know! Judge all you want...) while my husband lays beside me reading more significant, helpful things such as The Ragamuffin Gospel and Raising Kids for True Greatness. With him doing double reading tonight, I should be able to zone out to Lauren, Heidi, and Audrina, don't ya think?

Mercy!

2009-01-23T10:54:00.003-06:00

I told you before about the goals I'm striving to meet for the year, one month at a time, that is. Well, this month my focus has been on MERCY. It's something that has not come naturally to me all my life, and I recognize the need to be intentional about looking at others through Christ's eyes and not from my own self-centered perspective. You can't have His perspective on yourself and not want to show mercy to others! So that's one of the main heart work agendas God has going on in me right now. As I've thought about this, I've realized a few things:

1.) It's SO much easier to show mercy to people who show me mercy. The ones who don't...well, they're the more difficult ones to love in a merciful way. I know it's obvious, but I sure have seen where that's been true in my heart lately. I've shown major favoritism in my administering of mercy, and it's no doubt a result of my selfishness. Simple. Dealing with that favoritism will require a major shift in my expectations of people and my desires. Relationships cannot be about me receiving. I must look to be a blessing. And not be concerned with what I get in return. His glory should be my only goal.

2.) With these relationships in which it's more difficult to offer mercy, I must discipline myself to take intentional action towards doing it. I need a list. Simple action plans for going the extra mile in showing merciful love. And when I don't know what those actions should be, I need to be on my knees. God will always show me ways to love someone, if I'm willing to do it.

3.) In order to take action towards showing mercy, I need accountability. I'm blessed to have a friend who will ask me if I did the thing I said I needed to do. I'm not so sure I'd learn mercy otherwise. No. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't at all.

So, the best thing I know to do, along with these other things, is to remind myself of the grace I've been given. Grace that has offered me a new life. A new heart. A new mindset. Everything amazing about life (Ephesians 1:3-14). And it's all completely undeserved. Why would I not want everyone else to experience that grace gift too?!

My Girl

2009-01-20T13:16:00.004-06:00

I sure wish I looked this cute when sick:

This little cupcake has a bad ear infection (which, for her, always brings symptoms of vomit and diarrhea, unfortunately) and a cold that the doctor says very well could be RSV but isn't bad enough to warrant any kind of treatment, if it is. Ah, Brady and Parker Jane sharing already....

But I'm telling you, she always feels better with a bow on her head.

The Madness Has Begun!

2009-01-19T15:14:00.003-06:00

Yep, it's been busy. Just like I said it would be for the next couple of months. My brother's family moved in last week, and we've been over at their new house quite a bit the last few days. Between my dad's emergency room visit for a finger injury and my nephew Brady getting RSV, it's been a crazy few days in our family! Jonah is having a blast with his cousins! And I'm loving having more family in town. I'm a family girl, for sure. No question about it. This is fun! I squeezed in a little road trip Saturday to meet some college friends for lunch, and I was reminded just how healing laughter is. It's nice to have people in my life that I know when I spend time with them, I will leave feeling lighter than when I went. I will have laughed, been a little silly even, and not been burdened by a single thing for that period in time. I'm thankful for that. Feeling lighter feels so good. I was so physically exhausted before making that trip, but that time with them energized me greatly. So did the three+ cups of coffee I drank that morning. When I'm well-caffeinated, I get pretty fun, if I might say so myself. I have to keep up with my fun friends somehow.

Life has been full. And good. Our church is going through a series on prayer, and it's been really good for me. And challenging. You know how we all have our strengths and gifts when it comes to the spiritual life? Well, mine is not prayer. Never has come very easily or naturally for me. I've known for a long time that I need to address some of the issues I have with prayer, and God certainly thinks now is the right time. Our community group is going through study questions from the sermons on prayer, and Lisa, my mentor, approached me about looking at some of the apostle Paul's prayers during our time together the next several months. She didn't know yet about the sermon series on prayer. And I had that thought a while ago about studying Paul's prayers but hadn't acted on it yet. What timing. At this point, most of what I have learned has to do with examining my motives during and about prayer. I've been challenged to answer whether or not my prayers are centered on God receiving more glory? Are my prayers, and every part of my life, about making Him more famous? That's really what "Hallowed be thy name" is all about. I confess I typically skip over the reasons and just make my requests, and I'm learning that's been a big part of my misunderstandings about my prayers and how God answers. These are actually really big breakthroughs for me, and I'm excited about what God has in store as He's teaching me to pray. There's a reason for the timing of these lessons, I'm sure. Can't wait to know what it is.

Other than all of that, I've been busy with these two kids. Jonah's been requiring a lot more one-on-one attention, and I've been trying to have more focused play time with him lately. I love spending time with him, but I don't just love playing pretend animals all day. I'm learning to do it more often though, meeting him where he is and giving the kind of time and attention that is quality by his definition. It's been good. Except that my house isn't clean at all. You don't want to walk barefoot in my house right now. But something's had to go. Parker Jane got her first tooth this week on her 8 monthday (I can't believe she's less than four months away from being a year old!!), and I'm starting to try to give her more table food. I'm so over the baby food. It would be really convenient if she would just eat real food. Right now, she's learning what to do with it and doesn't keep the solid food in really well yet, but she'll get it soon. Her dexterity amazes me. She can easily pick up small finger foods and get them into her mouth. She just struggles to keep it in. Other things occupying my mind are several showers I'm helping to throw for friends over the next 6 weeks, Bible study starting next week, and figuring out how to get organized and manage my time well. Joel has accepted an assistant coaching position at a local school for their baseball team, and that will obviously require extra time on top of his other work responsibilities at church. He wasn't looking for this at all, but when approached about it, was really excited about the opportunity. And I'm excited for him. But it's going to make these next few busy months even trickier. We're having to really get scheduled and intentional with our time together. So, that's what my days are like right now. Oh, and 24 is back on. And oh. my. goodness. It is GOOD. Hour three may have been my favorite hour of all the seasons yet. Are you 24 fans loving this season like I am??

You, Too, Can Save Lots of Money on Groceries!

2009-01-13T08:21:00.004-06:00

Several people have asked me what I've been doing to cut our grocery bill so much over the last 8 months, so it's time I finally organize and verbalize my "system." Hope this is helpful to some of you!

First of all, let me start off by saying that the main reason that I'm saving money is because I'm being intentional about saving money. I've followed a lot of money-saving systems, plans, and advice in this area before, and it got me nowhere. It was because my heart was somewhere else. I wasn't trying to do it because I felt this conviction from the Lord to be careful about my spending, save a lot more so that I can give a lot more, and that waste was a sin. I tried several times before, and it just didn't work. I wasn't disciplined enough. And I wasn't surrendered enough. I'm just saying this now, not to convince you to have the same convictions, but to tell you that if it's not a wholehearted, focused effort driving your changes in spending, then the following things I share will be a waste of time. If you're a spender and you don't deal with that issue at its root in your heart, you will always find ways to keep spending. You will probably have a hard time with these things, because it's not the strategies that will be your biggest help, it's the perspective-shift on waste/careless spending/laziness vs. financial responsibility/wisdom that will change things for you and your family. That was my experience, at least. I've had a lifestyle change that has led me to have an overall desire to save as much money as I can on my grocery bill and to not spend money on stupid things. I can write some other time about all of my issues with careless spending and why I've been striving to change that. But that's not the point of this particularly post. Anyway, to sum up this paragraph, you have to be seriously goal-oriented in this area in order to have real money-saving success. You need to somehow start looking at your shopping experiences as opportunities to prove how wise you are with your money. Your main question should be, "How can I best meet my family's needs (and other needs I'm called to help meet) while spending the least amount of money?"

Now. With that being said, the following are my main nuggets of advice for optimizing your money-saving potential with grocery shopping. There are plenty more that I haven't taken advantage of yet or may not know about, but here's what I do know:

1.) If you want to save money, you HAVE to shop at Wal-mart. I know. Few of us really like that store. But if you shop Brookshires (one of our local grocery stores here) instead because it's prettier and you don't enjoy going to Wal-mart, don't tell me you want to save money. I won't believe you. Why is Walmart such a money-saving jewel? Top reason: Price comparisons. For those who do not know, Walmart's policy is to match competitor's prices on everything in the store. So, here's what you do: every week on Tuesdays, you will receive your local grocery stores' weekly ads in your mailbox. You will "shop" each of those store's sales but you will get to take advantage of all the different stores' sale prices and just make one trip to Walmart to purchase everything there. If there are things in the Albertsons or Brookshires ad that are a great price and cheaper than what Walmart's price is, then you purchase those items at Walmart and show them the ad from the other stores. The cashier will charge you the other store's price instead of theirs. Easy. Simple. Doable. For some reason, everyone who starts this thinks that they might be the only person who does this. I was all nervous the first time, thinking how is this going to work? The kind people at Walmart have been doing this for years. You're not the first. They ALL know their store's policy, and I promise you, you won't be weird for asking them to do price comps for you. It's their pleasure. (Side note: Walmart is able to do this because they save a ton in advertising money because they don't send out weekly ads like the other stores. They don't do weekly sales. They have roll-backs that usually last for a month I think and they will periodically send out a circular advertising those.) So, each week when you are preparing your grocery list, your first step is to search the weekly ads for sales. (FYI...I've switched to a weekly budget for groceries, which I've found works so much better for me, and I get cash out for groceries every Sunday. So I do my weekly shopping trip every Sunday or Monday. That gives me at least five days, from the time I get my ads until I go shopping, to prepare my list and get it super precise. Just a tip I want to share. Having that many days to prepare saves me a lot! The more prep you do BEFORE going to the store is what will bring you the most savings.

2.) If you want to save money, you will plan your meals around what's on sale. For example, if chicken breasts are on sale somewhere, then well, we're going to eat more chicken meals that week. Let your weekly ads drive your meal-planning rather than let your meal-planning dictate your shopping list. I'm not suggesting this should be absolute. Sometimes I have in mind some other meals I'd like to make, so I watch weekly ads for sales for a few weeks, picking up different items for those recipes as they go on sale. Obviously, sometimes I make them even when most of the items aren't on sale, but I am adamant, in those circumstances, that I do NOT go over-budget for the week. So, with the meals I choose to make before seeing the ads, I weigh the costs of our other needed items that week to make sure it will work. I NEVER just buy what I want anymore without planning a way to make it work within the budget. Remember, if you think of it as a competition with yourself to get the most savings possible, then you're always thinking about ways to save and you'll do great with this. Oh, one thing I discovered really recently that I think will help add to savings is a website called Super Cook. It will give you recipes for those random ingredients and food items you have in your house, making what you have stretch as far as possible before having to go to the store. I'm loving this website!

3.) If you want to save money, you will want to take advantage of great coupon savings too. Couponing is an area that I've tried in the past with little savings success. I think I know why now. Let me first give you some examples of why people say they don't like to use coupons. And know that I've said them all before. "It always seems like the store brand is cheaper than the name-brand item with the discount." Not always. Especially not when the name-brand item is advertised in a weekly ad as being on sale. To sum up my main form of saving money: it's a combination of using weekly sales and coupons in whatever ways will bring me the most savings that week. What really gets me excited is when I can do both at the same time, on the same item. And you'd be surprised how often that works out! Then a name-brand item ends up being cheaper than the store-brand. "When I use coupons, it seems I end up buying more things than I really need, just because I have a coupon." Well, you just need to get smarter, then. =) Seriously, that's something you can help. Use common sense and discipline. Learn to tell yourself no when you need to. Here's one thing that will probably help. I once read in an Ellie Kay book that people who sort their coupons by discount save more money than those who sort them by expiration date. And that has made a HUGE difference for me this time around in using coupons! I clip a lot of coupons, more than a lot of people will want or need to. Since I have a more extensive coupon collection, it requires a more advanced organizational system. It would take me FOREVER to look through my coupons each week to find what I need, so I use an excel spreadsheet instead. This will only save you time if you save as many coupons as I do. Most people should not do it this way! It will be too complicated. But as for what I do, I log them in my spreadsheet, color code them by type or category of the item (ex. bread, frozen, snacks, etc), and mark them off when I use them. I include the price, not the expiration date, on the spreadsheet, and I sort it where the highest discounts are at the top of the page. This way, when I'm making my list using my ads for the week and I want to see if I have a coupon for an item I need, then I can see it quickly on my spreadsheet and I get to the better coupons first. I never look through my coupons first to help determine what goes on my shopping list. And I never use a coupon just to use it. About once a month, I go through my coupons and throw out the expired ones. And here's where my mindset is different than it used to be: I get excited to throw away expired coupons I didn't use! It means I refrained from buying something I obviously didn't need! That's SUCCESS. The only reason to be sad about throwing away an expired coupon would be if I know I bought that item anyway and didn't use the coupon. That would mean I had been lazy in my preparation and planning. And guess what, that just doesn't happen anymore! Only a few times in the last 8 months I've been doing this have I forgotten to plan and had to run to the store last-minute and just buy whatever I had to. Sometimes crazy life circumstances will necessitate that. But those times have to be VERY rare for you to save money. (Side note: Stopping those quick last-minute runs to the store for an item or two I forgot has been my main money saver. I was really bad about that. My lack of planning meant I would just run to the closest store to be quick since I was only getting one or a few things, and it just so happens that those were to the more expensive grocery stores here. Planning is crucial.)
**A few of my favorite coupon sources:
1.) I get a Dallas Morning News every Sunday to cut out coupons.
2.)www.printablecoupons.blogspot.com (My favorite one! The second page of the grocery category on that website is where I've found some of my best coupon savings.)
3.)Check out the bargain links on the right side of my blog for more coupon websites. A friend of mine from college, Lori, is The Bargain Shopper Lady, and she has been one of my main motivators. She'll help you out in a lot of ways...Check out her site, if you aren't familiar with it!
4.) Always do a google search for coupons for a particular item on your list before going to the store. There are a LOT of coupons out there. Just use the internet to your advantage.

4.) If you want to save money, you cannot be brand-specific. There are a few items I will always be a brand-snob about. You will find certain brands of things that just work best for your family. But you have to be willing to try different things. I found that I just always bought the same brands of things out of habit. It's just what I did. I always used a certain kind of detergent, and it certainly wasn't the most expensive kind, but I didn't take advantage of sales and coupons for other brands because I just didn't think about it. I was happy with what I was using. Now, I've tried almost all the common detergents, and I've found that I really like them all the same, so I'll use whatever kind is on sale and I see no difference in quality of function. Just had to get out of the rut. Be willing to get out of your shopping ruts! This also meant, for us, that Jonah's snack foods and lunch extras did not NEED as much variety as I was giving him. I don't owe him twenty different types of things to choose from that week. If applesauce and pretzels are what's on sale that week, that is what we get. Not everything else I can imagine he might like. I'm convinced it's a good life lesson for him to learn too. =)

5.) If you want to save money, you will want to be a part of CVS' Extracare Rewards program. (Walgreens has a great system for savings too, but I can't share the specifics of it because I haven't participated in theirs yet. I'm a CVS girl all the way.) You can find out details of how the program works and how you can use their program to get the best savings possible at a blog called I Heart CVS, and it really is inspirational! I look weekly at the CVS ad for great deals on toiletries, makeup, medicines, baby care, and household items, and I've had some amazing deals there, getting a lot of things for FREE, and it has helped my grocery budget in a big way as well since I take household products out of my grocery budget. I've always gotten great deals on diapers there as well. I always use Parent's Choice diapers from walmart, but I get Huggies or Pampers for baby gifts a lot, and I find great deals on those at CVS most of the time, using the ECB program. I have a friend who has used this system to get loads of really nice beauty products for really cheap and for free, and she's put together beauty baskets for the women in her family for Christmas gifts. And this isn't just in regards to CVS, but with bargain shopping in general, there are things you should never have to pay full price for because there are such good deals on them so regularly. A few that come to mind...cereal, toothpaste, feminine products, toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning products, and more. To save money, you must be willing to wait for the good deals that come around regularly. To keep from getting stuck in a bind without something you need, you must plan ahead.

Closing thoughts: This gets EASIER over time! It really does. What seems overwhelming and complicated before you start seems so easy within just a few weeks. If you approach grocery shopping with the goal to save and you do your part, you'll see results quickly. It's just not hard to do; there is SO much savings out there to be found all the time! It doesn't take long for bargain-shopping to become your new mindset. Really, I was the LAST person in the world likely to be good at this. It's soooo not my nature. I'm way less detail-oriented than this. But things have changed for me, and I'm seeing my friends' lives change too! Recently, a friend was sharing her disappointment in not having money to spend on clothes and how pregnancy body changes were necessitating some shopping. I told her I could save her enough that week in her grocery bill for her to buy a new outfit. I already knew what she was spending weekly on groceries and her family needs weren't all that different from mine, so it would be easy. She met with me, we came up with a list and a plan, and she spent $25 less on her first try. The next week, she called me and had saved $30. And the next week brought even more savings. By week three, she was hooked. And she keeps growing in her savings. She had been going about $50 over her budget every week prior to this. Now she saves $200 a month just doing these few "tricks." And I can tell she's going to save even more. These stories are so fun for me to know about! Mine is very similar, and I am so thankful for the freedom that has come from this. I just want to keep getting better and better at saving money! I have some new goals in it for this year. And if anyone would like some more personalized help in getting started with this, I could be available for consultation for a small fee. Or for a baby-sitting exchange. Or for some really cute little gift. =)

(By the way, I didn't even share the major savings I've started having at Albertsons. If you have one conveniently located near you, you'll want to take advantage of shopping their three-day sales and other amazing promotions they do regularly. Since this has gotten so long already and lots of you probably don't have one near you, I won't write the details on here. But if you want to know more, please let me know!! Albertsons is regularly-priced so high, but there are some great ways to save money at that store.)

No Longer Pink

2009-01-08T21:18:00.005-06:00

Here are before and after photos of some work I had done on my "formal" living room sofa. I found this sofa at the end of last summer at a garage sale, and it was a while before I could have it reupholstered. But it's finally done (Merry Christmas to me), and I'm SO happy with the results!

Before, in all its rose-colored glory:

And now that it's been recovered with this fabric I love from Hobby Lobby...The After:

Like any project or item I buy for my house, this was incredibly inexpensive. If you're in the area, I have a furniture upholstery place to recommend! They are so reasonably priced...way less than anyone else in town, and oh my, was that lady fast! I just dropped it off last Friday and was impressed that she said it would be ready in two weeks. I thought that was amazing. Actual turnaround time: 6 days. And I'm more than pleased with her work. It's called Kelley Furniture Upholstery, and she's in the phone book. I Heart Ms. Kelley!

Now that some basic furniture is in place, I'm excited to accessorize that room, find just the right things for the walls, and pull the look together. It will continue to be a slow process, as all of my decorating projects seem to be, but I'm enjoying the process nonetheless and feel really blessed to have this sofa.

The Announcement I've Been Waiting a Loooong Time to Make:

2009-01-05T06:22:00.003-06:00

My brother and his sweet family are moving back to Texas!!! Whoooohoooo! They'll be in our same town, and they'll be here next week. We are really excited around here!

Joel heads back to work today after a two-week vacation, and I'm feeling spoiled. It was such a good time having him home. I'm preparing myself for a harder day today...first day with Daddy not home and Jonah will most assuredly be attention-hungry with all that he's gotten used to over the holidays. Not only that, but Parker is sick, so giving that attention is going to be even trickier. We had to leave church early yesterday morning because she was throwing up in her nursery class, and she did again last night and ran fever most of the day. It was awful! We've taken her to the doctor last week and the week before because of ear infections that have hung on, and I'm sad that something else is going on in her little body this week. We haven't slept much the last several weeks, but oh well. We have no choice but to press on! And caffeinate well.
I realized the other day that the next several months may be the busiest I've had in years. My brother moving here will be the highlight of January and will also keep us pretty occupied when they get here with helping unpack, keeping kids while they're unpacking, and just plain enjoying their company. Then before the end of February, I will have hosted three showers for people. As a maid of honor in my cousin's wedding, I will be attending other showers with her and doing a number of things wedding-related, such as, for example, meeting her in Lufkin this weekend
to help address invitations. At the end of this month, I'll be starting to lead a Bible study with women at church for about 6 weeks, and this one is going to require lots of preparation still. There's a possibility of going to another Weekend to Remember conference in February which I hope to know about very soon. And then add in the regular activities and responsibilities...our small group, friends, all of the people in our lives having babies right now (there are so many!!), church events, etc. It's going to be interesting around here! I just am listing all of this to hopefully help me get in gear and get motivated to get really organized and stay disciplined with my time. It's all doable, I just can't have one lazy hour. Really, if I get behind at all, I think I will be extremely overwhelmed. Gotta practice discipline. But I think these are going to be a good few months! God has some grand things planned, I am sure of that. Has the new year brought about crazy-busyness for anyone else?? If so, join my club. I don't think it's overcommitment this time...I really believe I'm supposed to do all these things. I'm just not that energetic super mom that can get everything done so well. This will be a major time of having to seriously practice reliance on the Lord for a lot of things at once. I think it's no coincidence that the sermon series starting this month at church is about prayer and my mentor Lisa wants to start discussing prayer when we meet the next few months. I've known God long enough to know that He's getting ready to beat me over the head with this issue! And I welcome it! I like that this is how He works...it's so exciting to see Him so personally involved in my life and growth that He will orchestrate various things at once to teach me the same lesson.It's one of the sweet ways He expresses love to me in a personal way.

New Focus

2009-01-02T11:41:00.003-06:00

I feel kinda sucked in to talking about New Year goals. It feels like it's what we're supposed to do on here, right? But I'm ok with caving to the pressure. I kinda wanted to talk about it anyway...

Last year, a close friend told me about her plan to prayerfully choose one word to describe the thing she most needed to focus on in 2008. I followed her lead. And the word I felt had been pressing on my heart for quite some time was "selfless," particularly pertaining to my marriage relationship. Well, I did not get very far into 2008 before being really challenged in this area! 2008 was the hardest year yet, but it was absolutely the BEST year. I can't even express how astounded I am by the things God did in my heart this past year in the area of learning to selflessly love. I've tried to say it a few times. Words haven't come. But I hope that one day they will! I was thinking about that new year's practice and wondering if I should do it again this year. It's not like I've mastered the selfless thing yet. If we get right down to it, I've really only taken baby steps. Do I add something else? Then I remembered that I'll always need to be adding things. I'll never really check anything off. So far in my relationship with Christ, I've seen that the more I grow, the more I realize I need to grow. The list of things to work on just becomes longer. And sometimes harder. When you see more of Him, you see more of yourself. The reality of your own heart comes under the light of His perfection and holiness, and you get a glimpse of His perspective on your sin. So...why act like it's strange to see more and more of the things I need to change in my life? It's what His sweet grace is for. And why would we need the Holy Spirit's power in our lives if it was just all a cakewalk from here to heaven? Of course I didn't master selfless. And I won't master any other virtues this year. It's going to be a battle. I get that. I also get that His loving, supportive GRACE is more than enough for the fight. Or climb. Or whatever you want to call it. I think spiritual growth is the only climb that brings you further down than where you started. And I'm learning to want that more and more. It's still a battle though. And now I feel confident to say that it always will be. Don't mistake me for saying I've lowered standards for myself. The only ones I want to adhere to are Christ's, and I am in this. I'm wanting growth. I just have accepted that it's an ongoing process. I know...y'all are thinking, "You're just now accepting that? That's Jesus-following 101. Basic." I've known it. But still struggled with not liking that it's true. Sometimes you just want to be the exception. I want it to be a little easier for me than the rest of the world. Ugh. Pride.

So, for my new focus for 2009, I'm picking a different word for each month. A word that inspires me to press on to live according to the convictions He's already given me in different areas. I only picked 10 so far because, well, God seems to like surprises. This way I'll go ahead and leave some room in my expectations for whatever He might have planned this year that I am clueless about. I'm going to list them here, but the details and context are just between me and Him. The application of some of them are obvious. But most are a focus word that will remind me of something He's placed on my heart and I will know exactly what context or relationship(s) they apply to.

Mercy
Content
Beauty
Others
Think
Words
Hungry
Frugal
Teach
Healthy

Now, who knows what focuses the new year will actually bring! But these words remind me of things that I know it's time to deal with and grow up in. I know fresh starts are available any day of the year, but there's something so fun about having a time of year that lends itself to a little more reflection about what changes need to occur. Maybe it's because others are doing it too at the beginning of the year that we have greater hope for our own changes. Now that I think about it, the community aspect of it might be what causes us to be better at believing it's all possible. Oh good. Now I don't feel guilty for "buying into the hype" of New Years resolutions that I kinda did when I first started this post. I'm glad I caved.

Merry Christmas from Jonah (and the rest of us)!

2008-12-23T21:04:00.003-06:00

Moms are Amazing.

2008-12-19T06:47:00.004-06:00

I know there are people who talk about Mommy Wars, competition among moms, etc., but that hasn't been my experience at all since becoming a mother. The women I've been blessed to be in company with (either physically or through the internet) are incredible women who love to help each other out on this beautiful, strange journey of motherhood. I see moms who jump to other moms' rescue when they see they are struggling, providing emotional support when needed, as well as providing perspective, empathy, escape, practical advice, prayer, or whatever is needed in that moment. Mom friends are so great. Everyone should have them.

So many of y'all have been so sweet to me this week with comments, email, and phone calls. I am appreciative. I have such a hard time admitting when things get so rough, but God knew I needed encouragement to press on (and to learn some new things) so I have no doubt that he sent you to be that for me. And it has helped! Tremendously! I feel reenergized! So thank you for your kindness.

One particular conversation I had this week was with my friend Kelli, and it was one of those where we were both talking to each other but really God was talking to both of us. It was an incredible moment. Those are the moments when I am overwhelmed with thanks for "heart friends" which I believe are one of the most precious gifts from God. During this phone conversation, I just came face to face with a couple things in my heart that need to be dealt with before I will ever see any kind of progress with how to handle this struggle of rage that Jonah has. I realized it is very hard for me to show mercy. I'm talking about letting a consequence go every once in a while. It's hard for me. See, consistency in disciplining my child hasn't been my problem. What has, however, been a problem is my tendency to overparent. And I think that's been fueling the battles of the will that I seem to be in with my son. Rather, I need to be showing him that we are on the same team! It's not about me versus him. It's all of us fighting a sin nature. And what I say to him and how much I say to him in response to his sin will contribute either to him feeling isolated from me in his sin or it will bring us into easier, more comfortable communication about it. I've been reading in Proverbs and taking note of truths that I believe can really help my response to this particular parenting struggle, and one recurring theme I've been seeing is how wise it is to use less words. I think I try too explain too much about it to Jonah. I overexplain it. I overemphasize it. He needs to be taught truth. Just maybe in smaller doses than what I've been doing. It's just been a little much for him. I can see that now. And as far as the whole mercy thing goes, I've watched some parents of older children put mercy into practice well. I know parents who will, from time to time, tell their children, "What you did was wrong, but you are getting mercy this time instead of a consequence from me." The truth is that God is intentional with his mercy. I believe He withholds what we deserve periodically so as to motivate us to do better. And probably for a whole lot of other reasons too. But mercy is there to correct us, for sure. I've seen this in play in my own life a bazillion times. And most times, I was incredibly slow to learn. I can't believe God kept showing me mercy. (One of those examples has been on my heart for a while to share through this blog, but it will have to be on a different post.) But the point is, God kept showing me mercy. The reason I think I've struggled in implementing the "mercy tactic" in my response to the times Jonah shows his difficult behavior is that I don't see him learning from it. It hasn't yet motivated him to do better. I haven't seen it work yet in his life. And if that doesn't sound like a control freak mommy, then I don't know what does!

Why can't I leave those results up to the Lord? I often tell Jonah that God's Word tells us that our sins will find us out, so that even if mommy or daddy doesn't see something you did wrong, God does and no sin will go without consequence. BUT... my actions give no room for that to happen. I don't leave any room for letting God deal with it. Even if it takes a long time for mercy to teach him and draw him towards the Lord, that's God's job to work out. I just need to be obedient to the times He puts it on my heart to just let it go and choose mercy instead of administering a consequence. And then I need to trust Him with the rest.

Those are a couple of my new revelations this week. Isn't it just like God to reveal stuff about the ugliness in our own hearts before revealing insight into the heart issues in our children?? It's never what I have planned. But it's so good. And needed. I want to open up my heart to His mercy and be enthralled by it more and more so that it's my heart's first inclination to show it to others, especially to my children. I want to grow to where administering the consequence gets to be the harder of the two, where I have to step way out of my nature of mercy to be obedient in disciplining my child. Wouldn't that be nice. These are the things I'm pondering and praying towards this week. Only God can undo some of this overparenting, and I expect Him to do it. I want Him to create in me an attitude and response to Jonah's sins that is not so overbearing that all it does is push Jonah towards the desire to get away with things and be sneaky. Instead, I want to create an environment in my home that facilitates open communication and easier confession.

I marvel at what God does through the friendships of moms. Celebrate it! Have you been blessed by those kinds of mutually-encouraging girlfriendships? Feel free to share what characteristic of those friendships (mom or not), has impacted and blessed you the most!

Oh, and speaking of friends, you can go to Ame's blog to see pictures from last week's cookie exchange.

One of Those Days...

2008-12-15T14:27:00.003-06:00

I have to admit, I'm pretty down today. These are the days I don't like to blog about. I resist it as much as possible because I don't want to be all negative. And much of the time, blogging is a tool I use to intentionally turn my focus to the positive. But that's not where I am today. And I know realness is good. So....this afternoon, my son had one of his loss-of-self-control episodes that may have been the worst one yet. His main character issue has to do with anger and losing control. He has an extremely strong will. I think most people don't believe that because the truth is that he doesn't exert it most of the time. But when he does choose to let it out, it's horrendous. Tantrum isn't the right word. It's way too soft. I can't explain to you the intensity of his screaming fits. This one today has made my head pound. It's rare for me to get a headache, but I have a bad one right now. Parker had just awoken at my mom's house and we had to leave right then to pick her up, so when this episode of Jonah's began, there was no way around having to leave the house. But in order to get him calm enough to get in the car to leave, I had to physically restrain him. And it was difficult. When he loses control, it's amazing how strong he can get. He's calm now and he's spending a considerable amount of time alone in his room this afternoon, but not a sign yet of real repentance. Not the teeniest bit of even regret.

And here's the deal: I know parenting is a process. I realize that with some children, seeing prayers answered will take longer than others and actually getting to repentance can take time. I get that my identity isn't found in whether we see evidences of our prayers and discipline sooner or later. I understand that he's three and I can't expect him to be a spiritual giant. I realize I'm not a failure as a mommy because we've been dealing with this for a long time now and haven't really seen improvement. (We definitely go through a few months at a time when it just doesn't happen as often, but then we seem to cycle back through it, and the episodes are just as bad.) I don't feel that life is all messed up now that we are back in a season of this again. And I don't plan on changing my tactics, which happen to be: staying consistent and staying on my knees. I know this is all part of it. This is my job. It's a full-time one. This is what God created me to do right now. And I am so grateful that shepherding this little boy's heart - even though it is an angry one today - is how I get to spend my days. I really am.

But am I discouraged too sometimes? Yes. Do I struggle with comparing myself to others whose children don't appear to have this struggle and am I then tempted to harbor thoughts about my identity that are not based in truth? Yes. Am I tired of doing the same things over and over in trying to reach my child's heart, thinking they are right, but then not seeing any results in his behavior? Yes. Tired would be a good word for it. Parenting can just be burdensome sometimes. And I'm feeling burdened by it right now. It's making me sad today. But it's also stripping me of pride and self-reliance and throwing me right into the position of brokenness, realizing again my need for the Lord's help every second. One thing I know at this point in my walk is to welcome that brokenness. And I do. I'm praying my heart out for this little boy and how we are to lead him. And his sister. Yeah, I'm really scared of what she'll bring into the mix one day. =)

I'm still clinging to this beautiful piece of truth that God so encouraged me with during the time I was pregnant with Jonah:

Isaiah 40:11 -
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."

Life As We Know It....

2008-12-10T11:13:00.003-06:00

is about to change!

Parker Jane is up on all fours, rocking. I am soooo not ready for this. I don't feel prepared to fight battles over Christmas decorations, so she better not start moving around before the season ends. And she's pretty fiesty, y'all. Oh, she's sweet. But I think she knows what she wants all the time, and once she can move to get it, well, she'll move to get it and little will stop her. Changing her diaper has become a struggle thanks to this new fiestiness. I think she'll be the kid that is into everything. Jonah wasn't that kid. So this will be...different. But oh goodness, she is pretty cute these days. She's been changing too much lately though. Her first year is flying by, and I don't think I'm ok with it. I will be leaving the baby stage kicking and screaming, just so you know.

Has this Christmas season felt a little weird and different to y'all? Fewer houses have outside lights here this year. I have received five Christmas cards total. Usually, at this point in December my fridge is covered with Christmas cards and faces of people I love. What is up this year? I think it's the economy. And I really hate hearing people say "It's the economy" about everything right now. But either people are saving money this year on cards and postage, or the number of people who like me enough to send me a card dropped this year by about 98%. I hope it's the economy.

Tomorrow night is the annual girly Christmas party that Ame and I host for our girlfriends and new friends we want to get to know better. It's a cookie exchange this year, and I have yet to decide on what cookie I will bake. But I am so excited for tomorrow to come! It's such a fun time! For us, the hostesses. And for the cool, hip people who are coming. Probably not so much for all of the people who have declined the invitation. They must not know that THIS is the party of the year! Not one to miss! Highly anticipated! Better than all the rest! Someone needs to tell them.

Jonah has been playing all morning with his zoo animals (his all-time favorite thing to do), but now the stable and manger and animals from his nativity scene are making it into his animal fun. Every once in a while, baby Jesus makes an appearance. To feed the animals or something. It's all very interesting to watch. He's drawn to the nativity story more this year than anything else, and I'm grateful for that. But I know it's all because of his interest in the animals that were present at Jesus' birth. But maybe that's how God starts drawing in a three year old. I'm ok with it. (Some people might have a problem with it though...I mean, right at this very second, there is an elephant, moose, kangaroo, and zebra inside the stable.) We're celebrating this interest of his though, and tonight we are going to a drive-through live reenactment of events in Bethlehem the night Jesus was born. A local church offers this to the public, it's open tonight through Saturday, and it's great! We've been the last two years, but this year will be so much more exciting for Jonah. They have live animals. Like camels and donkeys. And they're right by your car. HEAVEN for Jonah.

I love the holidays. Even if they are a little bit weirder this year.

Thoughts About Things

2008-12-03T21:41:00.003-06:00

Remember last year when I told y'all about the Bethlehem Star presentation that you just have to see? I struggled to find the words then to describe how magnificent it was. Never found them. But I watched it tonight on dvd with my community group, and it blessed me so much all over again. I'm standing by my strong recommendation of this. You can find out more and order it here. It has great Christmas gift possibilities too.

Also, I got my bow tutorial today!! My sweet aunt Joy dropped by after work to show me the ropes. (I actually first wrote "teach me the ropes" and read and re-read it until I figured out why that sounded weird. I finally got it.) My packages have pretty bows on them this year! And I even made a few of them myself! Score.

Oh hey, there's a reason why my Folgers Gourmet Vanilla Biscotti coffee tasted like soap. Turns out it expired months ago. And I just bought it a few weeks ago. Oops. Still not going to try that brand ever again. I'm looking for just the right coffee. Any suggestions? Remember: I'm cheap.

Several weeks ago, I read the best thing I've ever read about worship. Some of you are what I call "worship experts", so this won't seem so insightful. But I struggle with worship sometimes; it doesn't come so naturally for me. Reading this quote has completely changed the way I am thinking when I enter into corporate worship on Sunday mornings. It's actually a quote and then a quote within a quote. Gary Thomas, in his book The Beautiful Fight, writes this:

"Thankfully, we are doubly blessed in that God empowers us to worship him. The risen Christ who lives in us glorifies and worships the Father through us. Here's the marvelous way that Gerrit Scott Dawson describes it:

This means that in the midst of every sanctuary, Jesus is leading our praise. In the tiniest church in the remotest region to the grandest cathedral in the heart of the city, Jesus is worshiping his Father, bringing his brothers and sisters with him into the presence of God. For the Son of God who became man is still fully human, still in the flesh, still incarnate. As a man he worships God. He has blazed the way before us. He has pioneered the path in his own flesh. And he collects us up, gathers us in his arms, and presents us in praise to God the Father as those whom he has cleansed and redeemed and sanctified. All of that is going on in the midst of our sanctuary when we are there, sitting some mornings like bumps on a log, sleepy, distracted, bored, confused, and waiting for lunch. We may call the people to worship with the astounding news that Jesus is here with outstretched arms declaring to us the name of God."

Wow. Try to go into worship with the mindset that Jesus is actually the One worshiping God in that moment, offering your life as testimony to God's goodness. Try to do it and NOT get your life changed in some way! I dare you.

Good-bye, Fall

2008-11-30T20:46:00.013-06:00

I guess I better post some autumn pics since it's pretty much over now. I started decorating our house today for Christmas, and we start our Advent activities with Jonah tomorrow. Crazy how this fall has flown by! Get ready for a LOT of pictures...

Here were my little punkins at Halloween and also at a morning playdate spent at the local pumpkin patch:

Jonah with his buddy Brantley, riding in the barrel train:

This is about as creative as his mama gets. Glue. No carving for me, thank you very much:

Getting ready to go Trick-or-Treating at a few of our neighbors' houses: (Jonah was FUNNY that night. Every time someone would give him a piece of candy, he'd hand them a piece of his. It was so sweet. But really hard to explain to him the point of trick-or-treating.)

Parker Jane made it Trick or Treating about as far as the end of our driveway, then fell asleep. My mom carried her. I love that sleeping penguin:
At the beginning of November, we went to Lufkin for a day to celebrate my Aunt Jan's 60th birthday. It was such a great time for me with family, and Jonah always has a blast with his second cousins there:

Me and Lace:
a couple pics of me and my handsome man:

My precious party girl:
I almost forgot the pictures from the engagement party we hosted for my cousin Lacey and her fiance Ben. It was at the end of October:

I stole my mom's cute Anthropologie apron for the night. I don't think she appreciates its cuteness quite like I do. She should give it to me.

The couple of honor:

Joel is in the process of building an arbor (or pergola, if you prefer) over the patio in our backyard, and we decided to use what he's done so far to string up lights in the backyard to make this fiesta more festive. Wish I had a picture of what it looked like at night.

Here's my favorite cheap party decor tip in the next pic. I save the cans from Parker's formula to recover with scrapbook paper from Hobby Lobby. Not ingenious or anything. But works for me!This Thanksgiving week was spent with my brother's family coming in town for several days, which was SO FUN, and then my extended family on my mom's side spent Thanksgiving with us at my mom's house. Our family holiday gathering are never short on fun.

ALL of the grandkids in the family. First time all 9 have been together:
My parents, brother's family, and us at the end of a long (but fun!) day: (Kids were way past picture-taking at that point. The grown-ups were too actually.)
Jonah being an animal, of course:Then Friday, Joel and I and the kids traveled to his uncle's ranch in Lockhart, Texas. Oh. My. Goodness. This had to have been one of the most relaxing 24 hour-periods of my year. This is where we stayed:
And this is where I had my coffee Saturday morning. It was GORGEOUS:

Staying with Jim and Joan was so fun. They are King and Queen of Hospitality. I took notes. There's so much to learn from how comfortable they made their guests feel in their home. I loved it!

Enough of October and November. Bring on December!

Wise-Girl Wannabe

2008-11-27T21:18:00.004-06:00

I was reading something in Proverbs a couple of weeks ago that grabbed my attention. I was reading its instruction about wisdom in the first few chapters, and one particular verse intrigued me: the Lord "stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity," - Proverbs 2:7. The verses surrounding this one are filled with encouragements to gain wisdom so that basically you can know how to live uprightly. But this seemed to be saying God has in store a special portion of wisdom for those who are already living uprightly. See the circle? Get wisdom so you can be upright. Then...be upright, so you can get wisdom.

Hmm...

Wisdom is such an interesting thing. Kind of mysterious. We have to go searching for it in order to find it. We know it because God tells us it's out there waiting for all who really are hungry for it (all throughout these chapters), but all the while we're searching we don't really know what it is we're going to find exactly. But the more we listen to its voice, the more we'll hear it. (That will take training, for sure!) How great that it's an ongoing process like that though. I realize that I've misunderstood before what wisdom really looks like. Too often I start pursuing it when I find myself in a particularly confusing or difficult circumstance. I look for it as a support for a specific need when really, these Scriptures are saying, it's meant to be something we grow into. Through a process. And it should be an ongoing process. Something I'm adding to my character every day. Wisdom is not just about a one-time or periodic need based on me needing to know something I can't know on my own; rather, it's a lifestyle. Or at least it should be. This convicts me because I can't really say that wisdom is building upon itself in my heart on a regular basis. On the contrary, I tend to ignore it and fail to search for it unless I'm super hard pressed about something. And if Proverbs tells me anything, it's that God is offering me an open invitation to His beautiful wisdom. Every day. But the choice is mine to pursue it and accept it.

Oh, The Random Thoughts That Have Been in My Head Today

2008-11-20T15:14:00.003-06:00

1. Folgers Gourmet Vanilla Biscotti coffee tastes a little bit like soap.

2. I've truly never cared to know how to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving. And after my husband cooked a turkey and ham yesterday for our community group's joint Thanksgiving feast with a couple other community groups and it turned out sooooo yummy, it's pretty much a done deal: I will never, ever learn how. Why would I need to? That man is good.

3. When my brother's family visited last June, I tried to convince them that my nephew Brady's special non-milk, non-soy formula had the scent of potatoes. I'd kiss his sweet little potato-smelling head as much as I could. Joel went earlier this week to get formula for Parker and they were out of the kind we normally buy. So he got the Parent's Choice Gentlease formula, and guess what! My baby also smells like potatoes this week!!! Must have a common ingredient that causes that smell. Smelling my potato-head girl just makes me want to see my potato-head nephew all the more. Only her potato smell is more like potato chips. Yes, this is my head. I actually smell potatoes on Brady and now Parker. And no. No one else does.

4. I'm ready for Blake, Amy, Nathan, Maggie and Brady to be here!!! Tuesday!

5. Hobby Lobby has quite a diverse clientele, I noticed today. That's all.

6. I can't believe I paid $1.07 for a box of my haircolor at CVS today. It was on sale and I used a -$2 Coupon from L'oreal, a -$2 coupon from CVS, and $2 in CVS Extracare Bucks. That place is so very special to me.

7. Jack is Back! And I'm really looking forward to my two hours with him this Sunday evening. It's been way too long.

8. I really want a tutorial on how to make pretty bows for packages. Help me please, someone!

Busy! But GOOD Busy!

2008-11-18T07:40:00.004-06:00

Yep, that describes life right now. Doesn't it for almost everybody? It's that time of year. But this kind of busy has been different for me. We've made a point over the last few months to stay home a whole lot more. During the day, I keep the kids in as much as possible. We do enough playdates to not lose our minds, but we're not overscheduling our days like we used to. And it's been really nice. Sometimes a little lonely for a sanguine like me, BUT the good has far outweighed what is sometimes difficult. I feel so good about where we are in life, and I'm so grateful that God has given me this opportunity to love, train, and invest in my children's hearts all day each day. So. I'm trying to make the most of it. I know I blogged a few months ago about how my heart had really been turned more towards my home, and now I can say it just keeps getting more and more that way. It's been a perfect example to me of how we can influence our emotions to follow the choices we make. I chose to make home life a priority, and now several months later, I can't imagine it any other way. I love it! I loved being a stay-at-home mom before, but I realized I was finding a lot of satisfaction from my connection with friends during the day and the Lord showed me that some of that had become plain ol idolatry. So I've had to reshift a lot of my thinking about how I plan our days. They must now revolve around what God says is good for the family that day, and I'm still tempted to make it about what's fun for me a lot of the time. But this is a good place to be. I'm really liking it a lot more, the more I make these my habits.

But what's been great about not overscheduling our days or overcommitting to regular activities is that it frees us up to be available for whatever opportunities God brings our way for ministry that we have never planned for. And He keeps bringing them for sure! I've been available for unplanned, divine conversations and opportunities to help out friends. And it's been such a good practical lesson for me to "say no" to a lot of good things because I've been freed up to do a whole lot more! Taking a "break" from some ministry things hasn't really been a break at all...and isn't that the way Jesus does things? In the gospels, we see His "breaks" of practicing solitude and stillness always interrupted by needs and needy people coming to Him. And I love that He does that. Because even though I want to spend much more time at home with my kids, more intentionally investing in their hearts, I want them to see their mom serving! I want to do it so much more than I do. And I really wish there wasn't this battle against selfishness that I have to go through each time one of those opportunities comes up. I have sooooo far to go on this. I really want my heart transformed in this area. I want to really see interruptions or unplanned opportunities to invest and serve as what they really are: divine intervention that serves a purpose so much bigger than myself but that I am blessed to be allowed in to participate. And God is definitely taking me seriously! He's bringing me opportunities to learn this and battle my selfishness. I have a feeling there will be a lot more of these opportunities, as I am a slow learner!

So that's the kind of busy I've been. And our evenings and weekends have been pretty full lately too. It started the first week of November and probably will continue that way until after the new year. Speaking of, I can't believe how close 2009 is! Crazy.

Life with the kiddos right now is fun. Parker turned 6 months old on Sunday, and this mama is so sad we are closer to her one year birthday than her actual birth day. She's a precious baby! Really, so happy. Last week was a little rough with teething. She was up a lot at night every night for almost a week. It sent my body into a little shock since she'd been sleeping through the night for quite a while. And she was fussier than usual. But we've been back to normal the last few nights, and that's been great. No teeth have come through yet, but two on the bottom look almost there. She is trying to sit up on her own, but she isn't quite there yet. That's actually my favorite first-year milestone. The time between being able to sit up and crawl is the easiest, I think! It was a really short time with Jonah, and some moms have babies crawling before they even sit up. But I look forward to her being able to sit up and play more with things. She is still laughing a lot at her brother. They have something sweet going on.

And Jonah has seemed like such a little man lately. A few weeks ago, we went through a bad period of resistance at bedtime. He started to protest it for a short time last night, but thankfully it resolved quickly. But that's his main issue right now. He's been pretty helpful and sweet most of the time. I love having conversations with him. I wish I could record them all. He is SO imaginative. But I love listening to his imaginative talk so much right now because it's still so innocent, little boy-ish. It's always about animals. I know the superhero life is just right around the corner, and that will be a fun stage too I'm sure, but for now I'm so glad he cares nothing about Batman or Spiderman. He just "plays" giraffe and zebra and lion and so on. He recently went camping with his dad (and Ame's husband and son) and it was his first time to sleep in a tent...he loved it! It was such a big deal to him.

We did some Christmas shopping yesterday...I'm getting a little bit closer. I really like to have most of that done before December gets here, so I can really have time to enjoy the holiday time with my family and not be running around like a crazy person trying to get things done. I've been that person a lot of Christmases! But I really hope I can get more of it out of the way by the end of the month because I want to be able to do all of those fun advent activities with Jonah that we did last year. Last year was kind of halfhearted because I was feeling so bad from being pregnant. So this year I want to do a lot more!

This once a week blogging is a little crazy because so much more has been happening than that frequency reflects. I really want to do better with keeping up with it. I have things to say, people! I need help to do a better job with this. Any of you have permission to make me blog more. And ridicule me until I do. Because I know I've been saying I need to do better with this for quite a while now.

Happy Pre-Christmas Season, everyone! It's almost here....

It Only Took One Person Asking...

2008-11-10T16:30:00.004-06:00

Chandra asked me my thoughts on the election, so I thought I'd share just a few. I've kept most of them to myself this time around, which is quite an event in my life! I guess I haven't thought a whole ton about it since last Tuesday. The outcome I could see a long time coming, so there wasn't surprise. I did feel some immediate disappointment, the normal amount one would feel when their chosen candidate doesn't win. Losing isn't fun. But I guess it just hasn't been a huge deal to me. I'm not advocating an apathetic attitude when it comes to our nation's political system, government, and all current events/news items; I enjoy involvement! Debate. Passion. Action. Those are all good, and I like them very much. I guess I just didn't feel this dramatic let-down last week like I think a lot of people felt...the ones who voted the same way I did, of course. Partly because of the nonsurprise factor. But also because I've changed so much over the last few years in my thinking about how God works in and through His people. I believe life change happens in the heart. People coming to Christ happens through a personal experience. I still want for the laws of my land to reflect God's; His ways are good for everyone. But I know that His power to change lives, heal, and draw people to Himself does not hinge upon every Truth of His being acknowledged by our government. He is always in the business of doing those things. And because of the infrequency of teaching from Jesus about governmental authority coupled with the abundance of scriptural examples of Him empowering individual people to impact people, I come to no other conclusion than God really wants to use us to change the world. All of us individual Christ-followers. And He wants to do it as we walk through life, administering His grace to all those with whom He wishes to connect us. I'm hoping that maybe this election will ignite (or reignite) a spark among believers to get involved in changing the world themselves instead of waiting on laws to make it happen. Don't get me wrong. I'd like the laws too to reflect what my God says is right and wrong. I just don't think it's the main way hearts come to know Him. And sometimes we get all fired up about electing our candidate (and for good reasons!) and yet we forget this other part of God's way...the part that is all about personal investing in lives.

You see, Saturday night, I had the pleasure of attending the annual fundraising dinner of a ministry that is very important to me. This organization is all about helping unwed pregnant mothers, usually but not always teenagers, by providing a supportive living environment as well as personal counseling and medical help. They love Jesus at this place, and through their efforts, so many women unsure about their pregnancy are able to have ultrasounds to see their living baby inside of them and are shown who Christ is and wants to be in their lives. These women are choosing to give their baby life. And I love it. Their ministry is so much more multi-faceted than I have time to write about here, but I love every part of it. I am passionate about being involved in what organizations like that are doing to help bring life to those children who aren't allowed the choice to live. And I just wonder about the Christians/pro-lifers who get worked up (in protest) about the electing of a candidate who is pro-choice and has vowed to reinstate federal funding for abortions. Oh, I'm one of them! I want those unborn babies protected as well as the mothers who will suffer and find out later it's not an "easy" and "quick" solution. My heart breaks for them. But I still find myself wondering about all of those voters....Are they giving their money and resources to ministries such as the one I mentioned? Are they putting their personal investments where their mouth is? I wonder what might happen in our country if all of us who "rant and rave" about a pro-choice candidate actually supported these organizations that are the ones really out there ministering to the wounded mothers-to-be needing guidance...providing them hope and introducing them to their Savior? How might our world change? How might the kingdom of Christ be expanded on this earth? I just wonder...

Joel and I had a quick conversation last Wednesday about how so many fellow Christians that voted Republican were "playing their Jesus card" on the day after the election. I mean, how many times did you hear someone say last week post-election that God is in control, sovereign, still on His throne, etc.? That's all true. And I appreciate them saying it. How many times did you hear it said pre-election? I am concerned for those who just spent months and months in fear and anxiety about this outcome and then when this particular outcome happened, then they spoke of trusting Him. I think that probably says something about us as a people. Isn't it just so our nature to resist trust until we have to? I've seen that in my own life in a lot of different areas. I dreaded and dreaded an outcome, drowning in fear, not wanting to accept a certain possibility only to find that the possibility I dreaded came true. And then I dealt with it, according to God's truth and grace. And I was ok with it. Except that I had wasted a great amount of time and most of my thought life on this issue by being afraid and resistant to what God might want to do. Time I couldn't get back. God is merciful to us in that place, still allowing us to choose trust and be blessed by doing so, even if it is a little late. But I hope that we can all rest in God's sovereignty every day of the year. Not just the day after a presidential election. I need to be reminded of that.

Happy Election Day Eve

2008-11-03T19:07:00.005-06:00

GO VOTE!!!!

Wondering where? Go here to find out your voting location!

***UPDATED TO ADD: You get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks if you vote today. =)

That Kid Cracks Me Up

2008-10-31T07:31:00.002-05:00

One morning last week, I had a most unusual conversation with my son. It was early, and I hadn't been out of bed for long. My hair had not yet been brushed; it was still pulled back in a ponytail from the night before and had a few random fallen pieces hanging down. I was standing in the kitchen doing something at the counter, and Jonah was in the family room. I felt him looking at me, he called out, "Mom!"and I turned to him.

Me: "Yes, Jonah?"
J: "Look at your hair."
Me (thinking to myself): "Nice. This should be humbling."
J: You look kinda like a fish."
Me: (stare blankly at him)
J (studying me closely, appearing deep in thought): "No. No. You look like an anteater."

WOW. Never been told that before. He sure has a way....

I was feeling especially good about myself after that comment, as I'm sure any woman would.

But he made it up to me later that morning with another conversation while we were working on a puzzle. He suddenly stopped and asked me if he was going to grow up and be a daddy. I told him he probably would but that he'd need to have a wife first and that he would marry a woman, like daddy married mommy. He said, "I want to marry you too. Like daddy." (I'm thinking, "AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!") I explained to him that daddy already picked mommy, and he immediately asked if he could marry Gigi (my mom). I told him Papa T already had her, and before I could explain that you can't marry a family member, he asked, "Aunt Joy?" Argh. "No, Jonah. You have to marry a friend from a different family so you can make a new family together." He asked if he would marry one of his little friends he has now. "It's possible." He then looked like he was thinking very hard, and I figured he was thinking of which friend he might marry...and then he said, "Can you hand me that puzzle piece?" He was done with that talk. He found out everything he needed to know about marriage in those 30 seconds. What is really funny to me, though, is that I was telling his Aunt Amy this later that day, and my niece Maggie had asked her the very same questions THAT MORNING! Isn't that ironic? She asked if she could marry Papa T (my dad). So funny how three-year old minds work! To them, what's so weird about marrying a parent or grandparent?

I'm just glad Jonah doesn't hold the anteater look against me.

More of Parker

2008-10-26T08:18:00.005-05:00

I finally got new batteries for my camera, so hopefully I'll be taking more pictures again! At the bottom of this post are a few pics of Parker from last week. I figured I should do a little update on the little lady.

She is SWEET SWEET SWEET! After a rough start to life (first 6 weeks), she really decided she enjoys life on earth. And we're enjoying her enjoying it. She has a very pleasant temperament almost all of the time, is very smiley, and LOVES interaction with people. She's all about attention! She lights up every time you look at her and say something. She just eats it up when people talk to her. Especially in that silly voice people tend to use when talking to babies. She is easy!

Because of loving people interaction and attention, Parker is loving her brother, and he is being so sweet to her! It's getting so fun watching their bond form. She laughs SO HARD at him, and it's this precious chuckle. She ONLY has laughed at him. We cannot make her laugh no matter what we try. But she'll so crack up at him. It's always when he's doing something completely silly or weird. He's a pretty funny kid when he's not trying to be, and she's picked up on that.

She is on formula completely, eats rice cereal, and has also added green beans, peas, carrots, and sweet potatoes to her list of foods tried. She definitely prefers the orange veggies to the greens. Next up: squash. I wanted to wait a lot longer to start solids, but her pediatrician suggested we do it earlier in order to help with her reflux. She's still on prevacid twice a day...I tried to decrease her dosage, and it didn't go very well. Now I know I should leave those kinds of decisions to people with medical degrees. But we know now to stay on the meds. And as long as she's on them, she's great!

She's changing so fast...it makes me really sad. But I love this age. It's such a fun time, and I'm eating it up while I can. I know she won't stay a baby for long.

I have more to blog about in the next few days...a visit to the pumpkin patch, an engagement party I threw for my cousin last night, our church's Halloween block party today, and some funny Jonah conversations. We've had a full week. It's been good.

5 Months Old

2008-10-25T06:08:00.004-05:00

This is a little video Joel made real quickly a few nights ago. He and Parker Pie were enjoying some fun daddy-daughter time. She's missing her bow and her skirt, but whatever. She's usually pretty smiley, but she's Miss Serious in this one. And it sooo reminds me of her brother. I never think that! She looks nothing like him...She's ALL me! Our baby pictures look identical, just like Joel's and Jonah's do. But she is trying to be like Jonah here:

Continuing on a Worthy Soapbox...

2008-10-22T14:21:00.004-05:00

(At least I think it's worthy)

I wanted to share this post from one of my FAVORITE blogs, 4 Reluctant Entertainers! In the next few months, there will be lots of parties and holiday get-togethers, so I feel like the general public could use some reminders on the importance of RSVPing. Too bad the general public doesn't read my blog.

Now. Sermon over. Promise.

However...speaking of 4 Reluctant Entertainers, you need to check out the author's 10 Commandments of Hospitality!!! Scroll down a ways, and you'll find them on the right sidebar. Such good stuff! Not just for "Marthas" - trust me! It's good teachin' for any of us who want to develop the virtue of hospitality in our lives and bear fruit in this way! As Christ followers, we don't get "out" of hospitality just because we may not be as gifted as some in this area, aren't "a natural," or don't have big, pretty houses and loads of extra cash. We may just have to learn to get more creative. And change our focus and our expectations of ourselves. I find her 10 Commandments very encouraging, and rather than add more, they seem to take the pressure off in a lot of ways. This is something I'm really interested in learning more about and growing in this area. Do you have any good resources for this kind of thing?? Oh, do please share.

Oh my Goodness! I Caved! Here are 200 things You Never Cared to Know About Me

2008-10-16T07:06:00.012-05:00

You'll probably need coffee for this. And to read in installments. In honor of my 200th post, the following is a list of 200 things about me that I know you won't really care about. In no particular order:

1. I've embraced my originality. I don't really feel anymore like I have to be like everyone else.

2. Which is good. Because I'm not like anyone else.

3. My husband and I have been married for five years.

4. A couple years before we dated, I would run into him in random places a few times a year. One of those was at a fitness class I was taking at my university. Joel worked out there still, even though he had already graduated, and one time my professor called me out in front of my entire class for "flirting too much with the guy in the red shirt instead of working out faster." How embarrassing. None of us would have thought I'd end up marrying the guy in the red shirt.

5. And I was not flirting with him. Just talking. If anything, he was flirting with me.

6. I love to sing. Just not in front of anyone else.

7. I had my first child on my 24th birthday.

8. A lot of people felt like they needed to apologize to me for that.

9. I, on the other hand, was quite happy to have sweet Jonah for a birthday present. I have no problem sharing my birthday with him.

10. So far, it has worked out to my advantage, with the gift-receiving and all.

11. I started baby-sitting at a very young age - not even out of elementary school yet. I was sooo drawn to babies and children.

12. I still haven't figured out exactly what I want to be when I grow up. Thankfully, for now that's ok because my "career" (whatever that might be) is on hold for me to stay home with my children. And I love it so much.

13. My dream job is to be a published author.

14. My other dream job is to teach philosophy classes at a college level.

15. And another dream job is to run my own version of a "barn sale" where I thrift-shop for fun antiques and home decor and put some modern twists on it to sell.

16. And yet another dream job would be have something to do with the party-planning or wedding industry. I just don't know what.

17. I don't know that I have any of the skills necessary to do any of the above jobs. (Hence the confusion about what I want to be when I grow up.)

18. Several years ago, however, I did start writing a Bible study. Being pregnant and having babies has put that project on hold, but I'm just starting to write again since Parker Jane's birth.

19. Finding big chunks of concentrated time for writing is hard to come by with little ones, so it's a slow process. But when I finish the study, I might throw a party.

20. If my husband let me, I'd have more kids.

21. I really wish my husband would let me.

22. I'm starting to think it may always be an issue for me...to continually surrender those desires and accept that we may actually be intended to only be a four-person family. I am praying though that God will take away that desire for more and that if our family really is complete, I would feel "done" sometime soon.

23. I feel incredibly blessed to have the two children that I have.

24. Losing a child through miscarriage may be the hardest thing I've ever been through. It surprised me how deep the pain was.

25. I'm glad I can say "was" in that last sentence. Not that it's not there at all, but so much healing occurred last year and I'm so grateful to God for getting me there before I got pregnant again. I might have otherwise missed the completeness of that healing.

26. One large aspect of that healing was learning to forgive those who responded differently than I expected or would have liked.

27. I'm an evenly-divided sanguine/choleric.

28. I've learned to adapt some characteristics of the other temperaments, like planning and scheduling. I have to discipline myself in these areas or else I wouldn't survive. I can't keep track of details in my head.

29. Until recently I thought I knew my love language (see this website if you don't know what I'm talking about). Now I have no idea what mine is. I like them all.

30. Holidays with my family are one of my very favorite things.

31. In our house, Santa brings a certain number of presents for each child based on their age. This year, Jonah will get three presents from Santa. This will not continue forever. It will cap off at five years of age. Santa is good at making special deals with parents. Did you know he'll do whatever you ask him to do?

32. When my husband and I got married, we lived in Dallas. The two places we said we'd never live were either of our hometowns, and by shortly after our third anniversary, we had lived in both.

33. I really have a heart for young women who are new to town, may be struggling with that, and are hungry for some connection.

34. I talk about my brother's kids a lot.

35. I realize it could be annoying to some. But I really don't care. I love those kids!

36. Laundry is my favorite household chore.

37. I really hate all of the other ones.

38. I'd like to learn to sew, but my fear of not being good at it is definitely keeping me from trying.

39. That, and I don't see the purchase of a sewing machine in my near future.

40. I "nannied" for a few families before becoming a mom myself. I learned A LOT.

41. My first nonchildcare-related job was with the Dallas County Republican Party.

42. Which is funny because I'm not sure what my political views are anymore.

43. But it was a fun job! I somehow convinced important people to give me important work even though I really didn't know what I was doing. I thought I'd do something like it for a living, but I eventually nixed that particular career path because it wasn't going anywhere if I wasn't going to move to Austin or D.C. at the time. Joel E. was in the picture at the time, and I knew I didn't want to end our relationship!

44. I'm really glad I didn't end our relationship.

45. Marriage has been hard. People who tell you otherwise are lying. Or really blind.

46. Working through its toughness is/has been my biggest thrill.

47. I really want to own a cute apron.

48. I think I might like cooking more if I had one.

49. I like cooking sometimes. Especially at the start of a season. Currently, I'm all excited about "fall" food...soups, chili, crock pot recipes, etc.

50. I'm currently planning, hosting, or helping to host 5 parties between now and February. And I really enjoy it!

51. I hate running.

52. I happen to find great pleasure in March Madness.

53. I am a fan of the church. (As in...the local church)

54. I hate anti-intellectualism in the church. (As in...the universal church).

55. If I didn't completely believe that the Bible is true and that Jesus is who He says He is, then I'd totally think Christians were crazy. So I get why some people do.

56. But I believe that it's all true, so the only thing that makes sense to me is to try to live like I believe it's true. And like Jesus is worth it all.

57. I really like when people live according to their beliefs, so there's a huge respect I have for people who do that, even if they believe differently than me. I still want to be friends with those people.

58. In the school I attended, there was a spelling bee for grades 5 through 8. All four years, I was my class' representative in the school or district (when we got fancier) spelling bee.

59. I never won.

60. But I still care a great deal about spelling and grammar.

61. It took me a long time to let go of "the rules" and take up the "almost anything goes" blog style of writing. But I'm ok with it now.

62. I don't judge bad spellers out there. We all make mistakes. My spelling and grammar is far from perfect. But it does irk me when people act like it's not important to try to better learn their native language.

63. My biggest pet peeve is when people don't RSVP to a party. There is no excuse. It's rude and selfish. And I have a hard time staying off my soapbox about this one. You should always RSVP!!! What's with not doing it? Especially you Southern girls....didn't y'all's mamas teach you better?

64. I'm a little too preachy sometimes. (Can you tell?)

65. Somehow, I still have some friends. I like them. My relationships with them are one of the most important things to me. LOVE my girlfriend time.

66. I went on a summer long mission trip to England when I was 16, and it was one of the best experiences of my life.

67. I hope my kids go on a Teen Missions trip too.

68. One of my closest friendships today came from that trip...A girl from Maine and a girl from Texas just destined to be best friends. It's sooo the movie Beaches. Well, except of course, we're both still alive.

69. I'm a caffeine girl all the way. Love coffee. Love sweet tea. And my newest caffeinated love is diet coke, especially diet cherry coke.

70. Up until about three months ago, I hated diet drinks. With a passion. So weird how that has changed.

71. My Christmas ornaments are one of the material possessions I own that mean the most to me. I like to buy ornaments that represent various experiences and seasons in the life of our family. So there are a lot of sweet stories on my tree.

72. My family and friends make fun of my description of my main Christmas tree. What is its theme, you ask? Why, it's a combination of elegant and whimsical, with touches of sentimentality all throughout.

73. I have no idea why anyone would make fun of that!

74. I really would like for my kids to be funny. I think I find great satisfaction in others finding my son humorous. I sure get a kick out of him, but I love when others notice his quirky funniness too.

75. I feel the best about myself when I've made my husband laugh hard. Out loud. It's hard to do!

76. I'm already starting to think about how good the turkey and ham will taste on Thanksgiving.

77. As a little girl, I was obsessed with weddings. I collected brides magazines, for crying out loud. That's what I collected.

76. I was always obsessed with watching beauty pageants. Whenever Miss America or Miss Texas would be on, I'd have sleepovers with one of my little girl friends, Heather, and we would make our own judges' sheet and try to predict who would win.

77. Sometimes we would act out the pageant with our Barbie Cards. Yes, Barbie Cards. Kinda like Baseball Cards. But not. It seems like Heather, Lacey, Caroline, and I were the only people EVER in the world to collect Barbie cards...but we did. And we loved them dearly.

78. I still have my old Barbie cards.

79. Since I have a little girl now, I think I might use them for decoration in her room one day when she's a little older...maybe decoupage a trunk with them or something? I don't know.

80. I'm really tired of people commenting in stores and random places (either behind my back or to my face) about my baby's feet needing socks. I am her mother. I know when her feet are cold. I can handle it.

81. I might start responding by telling them that I don't appreciate their outfits or hairstyles or something else for which they didn't ask my opinion.

82. I think porch swings are so romantic.

83. Jack Bauer is my favorite TV character ever.

84. If I could pick anyone to be related to (that I am unrelated to), it would be Regis Philbin. Don't you wish he was your uncle or something?

85. I was obsessed with his show when I was yet a child.

86. Which means I was also obsessed with his co-host. I read Kathie Lee's autobiography when I was in the sixth grade!

87. I was weird.

88. I am quite accident-prone. I once sprained an ankle playing hacky-sac. And it was a BAD sprain.

89. I've had several concussions. One happened during a cheerleading stunt gone wrong.

90. Another concussion happened when I got hit in the head with a softball while warming up for an intramural softball game in college.

91. Others happened during childhood...playing wildly on my swingset, walking across my monkey bars and falling, stuff like that.

92. Actually, my family and I think it's possible that I have a dislocated shoulder right now.

93. And I have no idea how it happened. I think it was during my sleep. Who dislocates their shoulder while sleeping?!! Possibly me.

94. Hobby Lobby is my very favorite store.

95. I am very obsessed with coupons and bargain-hunting.

96. Since implementing some new bargain strategies five months ago, I have decreased my spending on groceries by about 35%. You'd be obsessed too.

97. I really want to cut my grocery spending in half, so I'm remaining focused on this saving money thing!

98. When I get the grocery ads in the mail every Tuesday afternoon, I feel a little high.

99. I love cheesecake.

100. And I really love wedding cake.

101. My favorite snow cone flavor is Wedding Cake.

102. I took some cake decorating classes a few years ago.

103. But I was never really good at it.

104. However, I do own lots of cake decorating supplies that sit at the top of one of my cabinets!

105. My roommate in college, Amber, and I actually went wedding-crashing before Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn made it sound cool.

106. We deeply regretted it!

107. But we have good stories.

108. I know firsthand the freedom that comes from forgiving someone who has hurt us badly. Just forgiving and releasing my right to inflict justice in any way took me to a place of peace that I never thought possible.

109. I also know what it feels like to not be forgiven by someone else. And it stinks. For them.

110. I never had a dog growing up.

111. I started this list so many days ago that I don't remember what I typed in the beginning. There could be repeats.

112. I really wish I like running.

113. One of my favorite conversation topics with my cousin when we were growing up was what we were going to name our babies one day.

114. For a large part of my childhood, I thought it would be really cool to name my son Samuel...get this, just because the Hannah in the Bible had a son named Samuel. A pretty cool chica I was.

115. I also liked the names Beverly, Babara, and Claudia for a long time.

116. I helped Lacey with her baby names list, and we came up with all rhyming names. I mean, shouldn't a Lacey have kids named Stacy, Traci, Casey, and Macy? My brilliance is to thank for that.

117. Needless to say, my tastes in baby names changed drastically when I became an adult.

118. I wasn't sure about the name Jonah, but when we found out we were having a boy, my husband called everyone to tell them and referred to the baby as Jonah. So did everyone else, and I felt stuck.

119. I ended up really liking the name Jonah and can't imagine my son being anybody else but Jonah.

120. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is my favorite book.

121. Other countries I have visited are England, Switzerland, and South Korea.

122. The country I most want to visit is Italy.

123. I don't have a desire to learn another language.

124. It would be cool to know another language, just not learn it.

125. I think I might start out homeschooling Jonah.

126. I'll just take it year by year, and we'll decide each year if it's what's best for him that particular year only.

127. But I really don't know for sure that I will home-school at all.

128. My favorite color is purple.

129. My favorite color to wear is black.

130. My favorite color to use in decorating my home is brown.

131. But I like a lot of red in my house too.

132. I always hated Halloween until having kids and seeing them in their sweet costumes.

133. I have not worn a Halloween costume since my senior year of high school.

134. I went to our Halloween dance as an old lady.

135. I disguised myself so well, my friends didn't recognize me. It took a long time for people to figure out who I was.

136. I won a prize for best costume that year.

137. And then I retired from wearing Halloween costumes. I went out on top.

138. And I don't think I would ever attend a grown-up Halloween party that required wearing costumes. Ever.

139. The most special gift I ever received was the pearls that belonged to my grandmother, Nana.

140. I was given them at my high school graduation by my parents. She died the week before, and she had given them to my mom right before she died to give to me. I treasure them.

141. Losing Nana was very hard. She had been the center of our family, and her absence drastically changed our family dynamics, experiences, and relationships.

142. Watching my mom grieve the loss of her mom taught me invaluable lessons on grieving within God's grace.

143. I have the best big brother in the world.

144. For my high school graduation present from him, he took me to New York City for a fun weekend.

145. I've seen one Broadway show, Annie Get Your Gun.

146. But I'd like to see a whole lot more.

147. My husband and I have a goal to see a baseball game in every MLB ballpark.

147. But it's kinda one of those goals we have in theory, because we've never actually made choices to accomplish that goal.

148. We've only been to two.

149. I hope we actually go to more of them.

150. I have a sweet tooth.

151. But I've been cutting back on sweets the last few months. Nothing drastic. Just small changes.

152. It feels good to make these small changes.

153. I also am trying not to snack out of boredom, only for nourishment.

154. This has been hard to change. When the kids are napping, I love to sit down with something to put in my mouth.

155. I like vegetables when they're made sweet by cooking.

156. I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year.

157. I decided to send Easter cards instead.

158. I hope people don't take me off their list when they don't get a card in December because they think I took them off of my list.

159. I love going to the lake in the summertime.

160. I want someone in our family to buy a boat so we can go to the lake in the summertime.

161. I'd kinda like a very very very part-time side job right now.

162. I don't know what that would be.

163. I'm keeping my eyes open for just the right thing though.

164. I send a lot of text messages these days.

165. It kinda makes me feel like a teenager.

166. My hair is grey at the roots.

167. And this began in my early 20s! How ridiculous.

168. I color my hair dark brown, but I'm really bad about keeping it up.

169. I prefer it when it's highlighted blond, but I just can't afford the upkeep. Maybe one day I'll be blondish again.

170. I think the hairdresser relationship is the most precarious of all.

171. I just heard someone say "His arm is broke" and it took everything I had not to say "BROKEN!!His arm is brokEN!!!!"

172. I love breakfast food most of all. I could eat breakfast for every meal.

173. McDonalds food is really growing on me.

174. I'm a great starter...not so great a finisher.

175. This is evidenced by my unfinished scrapbook of Jonah's first year. I never added his birthday party pictures to it at the end.

176. But I like to scrapbook. Really, I do.

177. I also start a bunch of home improvement or decorative projects and then take forever to complete them.

178. I am going to vote for John McCain for president, and it's NOT because I feel like he's just the lesser of two evils.

179. I actually decided early on in the race to vote for him in the primary election.

180. I have my reasons, and I'd be happy to share them with you in person.

181. I do my Christmas shopping year round. I usually am done with it before Thanksgiving.
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182. This year will be an exception. I think I've only bought one Christmas gift so far.

183. I like to throw a Christmas party of some kind every year.

184. The only year I didn't was the winter I was pregnant with Jonah.

185. That was due to all of the throwing up.

186. There was A LOT of it that fall and winter.

187. I am an old house kind of girl.

188. If I was to live in a new house, I hope it would be one that looks like an old house somehow.

189. I like to go to Dallas as often as I can to visit girlfriends.

190. And I do most of my shopping there because my town doesn't have a lot of good options.

191. There is never a time when I'm not up for playing a game of spades.

192. I only like about 3 card games.

193. But I really love those three!

194. I love board games a lot too.

195. I come from a game-playing family. My husband did not. This has caused some issues.

196. I also like doing large jigsaw puzzles. Most people are surprised by that.

197. If you're still reading, I know you must have a headache.

198. I'm so sorry. But you did it to yourself really.

199. My hand is hurting from typing.

200. I wonder if we have things in common, and I hope you'll leave me a comment telling me what those things are!

Working On Rearranging My Blogroll....

2008-10-11T15:12:00.004-05:00

...so pay no attention to the messed up lists on the right. I'm going to put everyone's blog link in a different type of list, and I don't know how long it will take. If your name disappears for a while, it's not because I'm not your friend anymore. I still like you. Similarly, if your name appears twice in my lists, it's not because I love you twice as much as everyone else. I'll have it normal just as soon as I can.

UPDATED: Oh no! I have to add to this post now because my very next one will be my 200th post! And I can't let my 200th post be me asking what I am supposed to do for my 200th post! I know some of you people do special things on blog anniversaries, and I missed my 100th, so I thought I would do a special next post. But I have no idea what one does for a 200th post. Will someone who knows things about blogging please tell me what to do?! I'd much appreciate it.

Life Right Now

2008-10-02T13:33:00.011-05:00

It's not that unusual for me to be an inconsistent blogger and I'm not apologizing for it, but I'll explain where I've been the last couple of weeks. Joel was in Africa all last week, and I'm too easily-frightened to announce to the (unknown) internet world when I'm home alone like that. But it was quite a week for me. I learned SO much, and I'm still processing it all this week. Joel went along with our missions pastor at our church to Mombasa, Kenya and taught at a pastors conference where over a hundred pastors from all over Kenya came to learn and get training. It was an incredible time for him...he's still processing through it all and sharing little bits of it here and there, but I think the highlights for him were gaining a first-hand perspective on what life and culture is like in another part of the world like that and seeing their needs, experiencing in a big way real dependence on the Holy Spirit to give him words to say as he taught, and having a significant conversation, in which he shared his faith, with another traveler in the airport who doesn't know Christ. This was his first mission trip to take, and he really loved the experience. It was all good. I knew it would be.

Then why did I dread it so much?!

I'll tell you why. I'm a selfish person who gets easily distracted from choosing to have God's perspective on things. I don't like feeling left out. And I don't like releasing "control" of the care of those I love. Like I have any control whatsoever. What a joke.

So while I said I was happy for him being able to go to Africa and experience this, I only half-meant it. I pretty much had been dreading the week he'd be gone ever since I knew about the trip last spring. I pushed it out of my mind because the truth is, I was really struggling with it all...him being able to go and me not being able to go. And I knew that at some point I'd have to face it and deal with this struggle head-on. And we all know how fun that can be. I needed to really express my emotions to the Lord, seek His perspective, and let go of this resentment inside of me. I just waited and waited to do it until I had to. Never a good plan, by the way. A lot of life gets wasted when you wait to do what God wants. A LOT.

So a few days before he left, I talked for the first time about how I was feeling to my friend Holly. She's one of those friends who speaks truth into your life, and in doing it, she's extremely bold and humble at the same time. I love it! As I was whining about the fact that I wasn't getting to join Joel on his first mission trip...an adventure that we began talking a few years ago about doing together...and how left out I felt, she directly said to me, "God has this week for Joel. But He has this week for you too. He has good things planned for you this week that you can only receive as you are at home by yourself and not in Africa. This week is for you too." Such simple truth. And I so needed to hear it. Badly. I realized in an instant that I had started to believe something about God's character that just isn't true. I didn't consciously think I was doing this, but I was living like God had overlooked me. Like He was making me suffer. Like He wasn't sovereign. Or like I just didn't appreciate His sovereign choices. Instead of living like He loved me and ordained specific plans just for me. Beautiful plans. And like He wanted to draw me to Him. And keep my attention for awhile. And teach me things. And I'm so glad I chose that day to seek His perspective on the week. I'm so thankful He redirected my thoughts. I made a decision that I was going to live the week abundantly and every day seek out what He had for me.

And it was an amazing week. A focused week. I need to have more of those. The reading for the week from that book I mentioned, Devotional Classics, was from John Baillie's Book of Prayers, and it was a segment called "Morning Prayers." He wrote different prayers to be prayed at the start of every day for a week, and it was such a good practice for me. Because I reserve my Bible study for later in the day when my kids are sleeping, it is easy to go through half the day or more before ever really focusing my mind on practicing the presence of God and inviting the Holy Spirit in. So having something to do each morning, even short and simple, to help my perspective get there, was very helpful and it's something I need to commit to every week even when John Baillie isn't leading me there! So that is probably one of the reasons why it was such a good week in spite of being so hard. And in having a week where I slowed down, spent more time alone, and made myself deal with my sad feelings, I spent more time at the feet of Jesus than I had in a while. And the Lord sure is sweet to us when we are in that place. He overwhelmed me with His love and totally convinced me that I was never supposed to go to Africa this time and there is a reason why Joel had to go himself. I don't understand all of it, but I'll share what I do know:

You see, I have long had a passion for missions, but it's been put on the shelf for a few years. I'm not talking about missions in general but specific foreign-related opportunities. I've traveled and then I decided I didn't need to do that for a while. I wanted to live that purposefully-missions-oriented right where I am before I go somewhere else to be that way. So I took a "break" for a few years, but in the last couple of years, my desire to go somewhere and make missions a bigger priority in my life has grown tremendously. And I just haven't quite known what to do with that. I mean, we're here. Our life is here. Our work and ministry is here. What God has for us is here. So how do I go there? I don't. So what do I do with that desire that is believed to be God-given? I wait.

It hasn't been a hard wait. I rather like life here, so I haven't felt like it's been empty or anything is missing or wrong. I've just had this underlying feeling that one day there would be a new dimension to our lives, one that includes more of an interest and investment in what's there instead of just here. Whatever that might look like. I have ideas as to what I want that to look like, but I have no reason to believe it's what God has in store for me or my family. So I try not to think about that much. I just definitely feel a big draw towards a lot of things God is doing in other places and I certainly am "itching" to go on some trips!

So, here I am...trying to conclude this post. Been trying for days. But I'm still thinking through a lot of this, so this is all I've got so far. I'm learning a lot about prayer through this experience, learning to trust God to accomplish the desires that He's placed in my heart. And there's been a huge element of learning the freedom that comes with recognizing that GOD is the one who ignites my husband's passion for this...NOT ME....that I don't have to be in Africa with him for him to hear from the Lord on this. Big lesson for me! And I've been reminded that the Lord is big enough to work out all of this without me even knowing a bit of it beforehand. So...my week not being in Africa turned out pretty beautifully. Even for me too.

A Chair Makeover

2008-09-25T16:13:00.003-05:00

Here's a chair I bought at a friend's moving sale, before I gave it some love:

To make it more "me', I just had to stain that light wood a darker color! And I recovered the seat:

And it was cheap! Chair was $7 and the fabric was left over from that yard I got for $2.99 for the window mistreatment project. So with very little money and time spent, there's room for one more rear end to sit in my family room!

Reading and Loving It

2008-09-17T17:11:00.004-05:00

Well, I've finished some books recently and started a new one. Hopefully I'll get some reviews up here soon. But I'm kind of behind again in life, so we'll see. But let me tell you about the one I just started that I LOVE: Devotional Classics. I highly recommend it. Highly. Click on the link I have under my reading section to order it from Amazon. Lisa, a lady that is mentoring me, is going through this book with me, and I'm loving what I've read so far. It's a compilation of excerpts from different authors who have written various Christian devotional classics. SO AMAZING. Each excerpt is short, includes a brief passage of Scripture at the end of that excerpt for you to study more in depth on your own if you want, and it gives reflection and/or small group questions. Do you read "old" books? I say you should! Cultivating that as a practice has been a relatively new thing in my own life but one that is probably the most significant and rewarding for my spiritual life/practicing the disciplines of the faith, with the exception of learning how to actually study Scripture itself. Since I have this bad habit of starting about 50,000 books at a time and it taking 20 years to finish each one, I am usually in over my head with reading, trying to multi-task in my learning. I'm not a good multi-tasker by the way. But for the last couple of years, I've made it a priority to always be reading at least one old book. I've found this year that I usually have more old books going than new. It's so refreshing to realize that the things that seem to "work" today in the Christian life are not new. These authors can help us! They've been through a lot, and I'm always amazed when reading them to see how little culture really has changed. It seems to surprise me every time. But I realize that human nature hasn't changed over time. So how could culture, when it's comprised of individual human beings living together, making up societies? (Same for all classics, not just "Christian" ones, but for now I'm just addressing the Christian classics since that's what this book is about!) With our community group at church, I just re-read one of my favorite books, The Jesus of Suburbia, but as I continue to read more of the old books, I realize that while some of the ideas in the Jesus of Suburbia book seem at first to be radical and new, they're not. The Jesus portrayed in that book is the same Jesus so many brilliant authors knew and loved and wrote about. Why wait for some big-name Christian author to write a New York Times Bestseller before we learn how to grow? Help in spiritual growth is already there. And it's been there a long time. It's so easy to relate to what these authors of the great devotional classics are saying and teaching. It is SO relevant. I just really love old books, if you can't tell. I like a lot of new ones too. But I noticed the other day that even my favorite "new" author (meaning still alive and more recently published), Gary Thomas, is such a student of these old books and seems to quote the old guys so much that even his books don't really say anything new! I have a thing for the old. I'm a nerd, what can I say. But I really will try to influence my friends to join in this passion. So be ready! I wanted to share something I read from one of the excerpts, but that will come later, because now I don't have time and I really wanted to first share some things from the introduction that talks about what I've been trying to express; Richard Foster just does it better!

"We today suffer from the unexamined notion that the more recent something is, the better, the more true it must be. This book is our attempt to counter this present-day myopia. It brings together fifty-two carefully chosen selections from the great devotional classics....The word classic has gotten bad press in our day. If a book is a "classic" we immediately think it must be obscure, hard to read, and most certainly out of touch with modern concerns. As Mark Twain aptly notes, it is the kind of book that "everyone wants to have read but no one wants to read." In reality, however, for a writing to be a classic means simply that many people over a sustained period of time have drawn strength from its insights and witness to its value...It is a genuine asset to be soaked in the devotional classics. Pure modernity makes us parochial. But these writings have vintage. They are weaned from the fads of the marketplace. They give us perspective and balance. C.S. Lewis notes, 'A new book is still on trial, and the amateur is not in a position to judge it...The only safety is to have a standard of plain, central Christianity, which puts the controversies of the moment in their proper perspective. Such a standard can only be acquired from old books. It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between.' ...A word of instruction needs to be given about reading these devotional classics. These writers make no attempt to grab you quick and hold you tight. They have no intention of tickling your ears and titillating your fantasies. They promise no easy steps to instant holiness, no guaranteed plan for personal prosperity, no surefire technique for peace of mind. Since these men and women wrote before the modern notion of speed-reading, they did not know to fill each paragraph with trite cliches and meaningless jargon. As a result, each phrase is pregnant with meaning and it is best to read at a measured pace, pausing often to reread, rethink, reexperience the words until we not only understand their meaning but are shaped by the truth of them."

Yeah!!!

And when these kinds of books get hard to work through and reading them requires a little bit of support or verbal processing, that's what good friends at a coffee shop are for!

What about you? What are some of your favorite "oldies"?

Updates and Lots of Pictures

2008-09-12T09:13:00.008-05:00

Well, it's been a busy week around here. We've graduated to only semi-hermit mode. I'm starting to feel like I can take my kid back in public. Just not for long at a time. =) No, Jonah has been doing great. I'm so thankful. But I want so much to remember the lessons learned the last couple of months about desperation for the Lord's guidance and constant dependence in prayer. I don't want to forget to pray urgently for my child even when the need doesn't feel quite as urgent.

Parker has been changing tons the last two weeks. She's eating cereal now and is rolling over and is so much more alert and trying to be active. I've had some sudden milk supply issues this week which will surely shorten how long I can nurse her. It makes me sad! She's the same age as Jonah was when I started having problems producing enough milk for him. I am ok with it, I just didn't want the end to come so suddenly. I finally realized yesterday morning that this process of stopping provides the explanation for my emotional weirdness this week. There have been times I've wanted to cry for NO reason at all. I haven't lost it yet, but I feel on the verge. I'm so hormonal! Ugh. Maybe my family should stop taking ME in public for a while!

Below are kid pics and some from a friend's wedding last weekend. The bride, Amber, was one of my best friends in high school (from 7th grade actually) and we were roommates in college. She was one gorgeous bride and her wedding was absolutely beautiful and FUN. I was able to see high school friends I hadn't seen in a really long time and also some of my best college girlfriends. There were five of us at DBU that were close, and we hadn't all been together in 4 years. Way too long! I love when friendships are strong enough to just pick back up and be very comfortable after a long period of distance. I enjoy these girls just as much as I did back in our college days even though we are all in different stages in life, locations, etc. But as of this summer, we're all back in Texas at least. So these reunions should happen more often! We laughed so much that night. Good times.

First time eating cereal, not so sure about it then:

Got him trained! It really helps that Jonah can give her a bottle when we're in the car too! But this was his first time to really feed her by himself, and he was happy:
Enjoying but not yet jumping in her johnny-jump up:
Yes, EVERY game day my kids look like this:
My daughter likes to read! What could be better to this mom?! =) This is how she looked when I came back into her room yesterday after putting Jonah down for a nap, like she was really into this little book:
And now for the wedding fun.

Left to right, Angela, me, Leighann, and Lizzy:
The sweet couple:

In college, everyone thought Leighann and I were sisters because supposedly there's some resemblance. We've never really seen it, but we heard that anytime we went anywhere together! Some crazy people even thought we were twins. So we took this picture to see if we "still look alike":

The five of us were the cheerleaders from our class for three consecutive weird years:

And we'd all be sad if this girl didn't catch the bouquet! Erin was one stunning bridesmaid:
And because I love you, I'll leave you with these:

Oh yeah. Betcha wish your husband had moves like these!

Should a Woman be Vice-President of the United States?

2008-09-05T06:58:00.006-05:00

Hmm...interested? A few days ago, I came across something interesting that Voddie Baucham wrote on his blog. Go here to read it. Now, I quite like Voddie Baucham. I respect so much of his teaching and immediately took a listening ear to what he had to say about the idea of having a woman in the office of vice president because I believe him to be someone who strives to be biblical in everything. In fact, his 18-year old daughter who is a brilliantly prolific writer articulately explained the viewpoint that they seem to share, and you can go here to read what she had to say about this on her blog. I really want you to read their points, but in short, I'll tell you that they are saying that God wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin (not exactly their words) because she's a female and females should not be in positions of authority over men. Hmm. They also repeatedly reiterate that the role of a woman should only be in her home, taking care of her children and supporting her husband while he works. Actually, Voddie gives room for work outside the home as long as your family affairs come first. And as long as you're not the boss of someone male, I guess? Interesting, huh. Now, for every single one of the points Voddie makes in this matter, he uses Scripture to "back up" what he is saying. You can't read what we says and not take it a little seriously when it appears through his writing that the Bible is supporting his argument. This all got me thinking about some things. You know when things don't sound quite right but you're not sure why? It means you need to study! So I'm wrestling through this subject (because it's quite important!) and I'm just going to pose some questions about this:

1.) It is very obvious that if what the Bachams are saying is taken to its most logical conclusion, then women are completely and utterly limited to using their giftedness in their home alone. Nowhere else. If a woman can't be in "authority" over a man, then what about the female college professor who teaches male students who are technically adults? What about the female surgeon who has male attending doctors and nurses and staff with her during an operation? I mean, we all realize the implications of what they are saying, right? To say our culture would be different is quite an understatement. It would be more drastic than I think we can imagine. No woman could have a job that might involve being the boss of a male. And if that is true, then what do we do with the skills and giftedness that many are given for specific occupational tasks? How do you explain that? Self-made or what?

2.) The main passages they use to teach that a woman should have no authority whatsoever over a man are the following passages that address a wife's submission to her husband: Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:3-5, and 1 Peter 3:1-7. And so I ask: Is there a distinction between government or employment-related authority and spiritual authority? Are these passages solely addressing the spiritual authority, in terms of leadership and accountability, of a husband to a wife? Is it true just because a woman is in an elected government position about her husband that she must not be submitting to him? Who can tell? Since I am not in a position like VP over my husband, does that mean I don't struggle with submitting to him? Is it not an issue and battle of the heart and the result of that battle may remain unseen to others besides God? How does taking a particular job automatically make you unsubmissive?

3.) I appreciate that Baucham did say he doesn't believe it is always wrong for women to be engaged in affairs outside of the home (Thank you!) and he does acknowledge that the problem is when mothers neglect their domestic duties to do so. If you know me, you'd know that I much prefer to raise my own children rather than to sacrifice that time and share too much of its responsibility with others. However, here's where it gets scary: When MAN draws a line between what is too much focus outside the home and what is not and that line doesn't line up with any line we've seen God himself draw for us...shouldn't we be a little more frightened to do so and say it's what God says is right for everyone?? And what exactly does it mean in Titus 2:5 when we are urged to be "workers of the home"? The Greek word for it is "oikouros" which means the keeper or watch of the house, the caring of the house. I don't think that definition alone would convince me that those roles can't be fulfilled while having other responsibilities outside of home or with some domestic support from others. To me, it sort of implies a level of management of home that may or may not involve full responsibility of every single domestic task or affair. I trust where I believe God has led me to draw the line, but because of a lack of specificity in the Bible, I'm hesitant to say I can draw that line for everyone. But don't get me really started on this one. I could get too fired up for any good. Time for #4.

4.) What do you do with other examples in Scripture where women not only worked outside of the home but were in positions of authority over men? Positions that Scripture says God ordained. Check out the story of Deborah in Judges 4 and 5 and tell me if you don't feel that God thinks a woman can handle a high position in government. She was a prophetess (married, by the way) who became a judge over a portion of Israel, and the previous chapters inform us that "God raised up" these judges to do their jobs. So we know Deborah didn't rebel against God in her fulfillment of this job. He blessed her in it. I have heard that there are more biblical examples like this, but Deborah is as far as my study on this has taken me this week. Her story is fascinating, by the way. How God used her and my goodness how He used another woman Jael (scary!) to defeat this enemy is rather inspiring to a gal like me. I'd love to hear what other examples anybody has to share!

5.) Another thing....has anyone ever complained about potentially damaging effects on children whose father is the leader of the free world?? Surely there are a number of negatives resulting from their lack of quantity, quality time with their children as well. But with a man, haven't we just assumed that's part of the job and God will take care of their families? My heart also breaks for children whose parents's work limits so much of their availability for time with them. But if it's possible for God to lead someone to a high-powered, multifaceted, complex job like that of the president or vice-president, is it naive to trust that God will then take care of their children and perhaps cover them with a certain portion of protective grace? I'm not saying that's what He's doing. But isn't it possible? What can we see from Scripture that definitively tells us it's not a possibility? I know of foreign missionaries whose kids sacrifice tremendously and individuals who have had to literally forsake their families in the way that Matthew 10:37-39 instructs to do "work of God." But don't many in the church give them a pass because of the worthiness of their call? And isn't it evident that such a stance conveys a compartmentalized view of spirituality that says certain "churchy" work is worth those kinds of demands and sacrifices on families but other nonchurch-related work isn't? Is that not an example of an ungodly, dichotomized perspective which says it's ok to separate life into categories of what is possible for Christ to redeem and make holy and what isn't? Isn't it in reality adding on to Christ's instructions....like saying He tells us, "Forsake them in order to follow me as a pastor, missionary to Africa, or some other related occupation" instead of what Scripture actually says He says, "Forsake them...to follow me"? Follow wherever He goes. Christ likes going a lot of places. I think the White House could be one. =) Seriously...please don't misunderstand me to be saying I think God is leading a particular candidate to this position. I'm not about to say who He'd vote for! And to explain why would take quite a lengthy new post itself. But what I am saying is that, in theory, God could have in mind for someone to be VP who does have a family that would be forced to sacrifice tremendously and He may be ok with asking someone to be in that position, just as He has asked and still asks many others to be in difficult circumstances for His sake.

I can't conclusively say I know what is right in this whole issue. I just know that I have enough questions to know that I can't agree with interpretations of Scripture that say Sarah Palin should not be VP because she's a wife and mom. Or woman. So, there they are. And I'd love to hear any answers you may have for my questions! Share your thoughts!

I Think I'm Back

2008-09-04T13:50:00.003-05:00

Hopefully I'm back to blogging more regularly. I've missed you! I'm working on catching up on everybody's blogs. Like I mentioned previously, my focus has had to be on my home for the last 5 or 6 weeks. And it's been a hard time. But it's been really good. I feel like I've been re-energized in my roles as wife and mom, and it's taken some pretty tough days to get me there, to make me desperate enough to where I passionately sought out the Lord for help in every aspect of those roles. And when we're weak, He always comes through for us! And it's been fun to have my heart turned more towards my home. I mean, I loved it before. I thought I did. I've always loved being a mother and consider myself quite blessed to have a job that centers on loving these precious children of mine. It's just different now. Over the course of the last month or so, I've come to realize that I had made idols out of some of these blessings that come from being a stay-at-home mommy. I don't know how to explain it well, especially as I'm still processing through this and working on dealing with it, but I've had a fun time so far in my parenting life. I had never experienced the valley of loneliness as I know so many stay-at-home moms have. Until recently. I haven't ever felt particularly disconnected from people who aren't children or struggling with a lack of meaningful relationships and fun experiences. I've been blessed with amazing "mommy friends" and I can't remember the last time I had a week that didn't have a fun playdate on the calendar. Until this summer. I never thought I could be one of those moms who just stayed home all the time. But God is showing me exactly what I am capable of, through His power, and He is, strangely enough, changing my desires to even want it more. Crazy! I'm liking it. I have spent a lot more time within the walls of this house, doing the hard work of homemaking and parenting...the kind that requires constant, tedious training of my child. At first, the sanguine in me resisted that kind of solitude. But I've tasted of its blessings, and I am completely and utterly sold on the idea that I can best parent my child if we stay home considerably more. I had no idea how much I had idolized some of these fun experiences of getting together with my girlfriends during the day and/or just being on the go with my kids all day until I really was forced to miss out on a lot of those things. I always knew constant entertainment (for them or me) was never the goal. But I still pursued it too much, and I never even realized that until just recently, since I've been in my hermit state of existence. But here's the good thing: it's not like I have to stay holed up in my house forever! Even when the difficult stages of parenting little ones (when you just know you can't leave the house because your child is acting so crazy) lingers on for longer than you'd like, it's still just a season. It does end eventually. And I want so much not to look back and feel like I missed out on the opportunities of these few short years I have my babies all to myself. I've been so desperate and struggling with parenting issues, yet I'm never felt so empowered, encouraged, and inspired! This is a GOOD job! And even in these seasons, God sends the breaks when we need them...not just the times we can get away for our own refreshment but also opoprtunities to invest in others's lives. I'm finding that being at home considerably more these last few weeks hasn't eliminated opportunities for ministry to others outside of my family; it just looks a little different right now. A lot more of that is happening in my home, and I'm really enjoying that! And being home better prepares me for those times and keeps me ready for those unexpected times when needs just show up at my door. That's been happening! And it's been fun! Anyway, this probably isn't all that interesting to anyone, but it's where I've been lately and blogging about it helps me process and gain more insight into this change that God is doing in me to draw my heart towards my home roles more. Oh, and by the way, we have had a reprieve from some of these behavior issues of Jonah's...there hasn't been a tantrum in a week and a half! That's been nice.

Our trip to Bartlesville was great. The ride there was rough. Parker cried a majority of the 6 hour trip. I hope my mom doesn't read this! She is really unhappy at the thought of a grandchild of hers strapped in a car seat for that long ever, and the crying part just kills her. But it was loud in our car! Thankfully, the trip home went much better, with her sleeping the first three and a half hours. That helped. There was only one big screaming fit, and it was on the last 35 minutes of the trip, so we knew we could make it! Our visit with family was good...we were able to see all of Joel's siblings, and Joel's mom had planned some fun activities for us which is so nice for a busy three-year old. We went to a local wildlife preserve and to Kiddie Park, our favorite old-fashioned little kids' amusement pak. I think for most moms, traveling with a baby can be quite tiring. I just expected it to be a little hard. WORTH IT, because visiting family always is. But I thought it would be pretty exhausting. And I was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed and rested I felt coming home. Both kids slept pretty well while we were there, which never seems to happen when traveling. It was a nice little getaway for a few days.

I have more pictures and updates on both kids to post soon, and I have a post I've started in my head about Sarah Palin that should be somewhat interesting. Until then, I'm going to start getting caught up on y'all's blogs!

Day in Dallas

2008-08-24T19:50:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was so much fun! It was a quick trip with a full schedule. I'll post some pics from my friend Amber's wedding shower and then my friend Megan's wedding reception at the end of this post. It was fun seeing everyone and having a chance to hang out with just my mom and daughter too for a day.

Jonah has been sick today; he's run a high fever since about 2am last night. Looks like we'll be in again tomorrow, trying to get him well for our trip to Oklahoma later in the week and trying to keep him and Parker as separated as can be. He's been sweet, but he is not feeling good at all. I'm feeling really sorry for him. He's been fairly lethargic today, but I do enjoy the cuddles. When he's really sick, it's the only time he loves being held!

Speaking of Oklahoma, we will be headed to Bartlesville on Thursday, and I'm really excited. Except for the traveling part. Parker in the car for 6 hours doesn't sound fun at all. She doesn't get all that excited about being in the car. So it will be interesting, I'm sure. But it will be good to be back in Bville! It's been a while. I'm going to have some time on Friday morning to get away and I think I'll spend it having a cup of coffee at Jude's. Anyone there care to join me??! Would love to see some of you girls!

me and Angela...an "old" college friend that is just always so fun to hang out with:
DBU girls - Angela, me, bride-to-be Amber, and Lizzy:
Erin..aka The Baby Whisperer...and Parker:

me and Parker with new-bride Meg:

Simplifying

2008-08-22T13:56:00.003-05:00

That's the season I'm in...simplifying my life in such a way that my attention is really only given to a few things right now. The last month has been really different for me. I've stayed home a lot more and have had way fewer things going on outside my home. It hasn't really been by choice all the time, but as I mentioned recently, Jonah is going through a challenging time right now...it seems that the reality of a new sister finally hit him three months after she arrived and he's been trying all sorts of new things for attention. And it's fine. We're all learning. But there have been some really hard days. I've just realized several things through this, and one is that we need to be home more, addressing issues and training his little heart, so most playdates have been put on hold for a while. I found that I just couldn't give him the quality time he needs and meet Parker's needs if we have very much else going on. If we tried to do much else, one kid would be suffering. It's just a season we're in. And what's funny is that in the past, I've had mom friends that have been in such a season and I just felt so sorry for them! I didn't know how anyone could handle being "shut in" so much! That's just the sanguine in me. Not to mention that I am such a "go-er." But I've really started to love it! Sure, I'd love a little more adult interaction and girl time, but that will come again, I'm sure. For now, this is so important. We've gotten some structure back to our lives, which has helped a ton. And Parker has turned out to be fairly predictable in her routine (though I recognize that that could change in just a second), and I am just enjoying my kids so much. There have been unenjoyable times, of course...I think dealing with angry tantrums all day is very draining! And it can get so discouraging when you have a day where you give up every pleasure for yourself and you devote yourself entirely to meeting the needs of your kids, and then at the end of the day, you really don't see a glimpse of its fruit. That's hard. But even on those exhausting days, my heart is enthralled with the goodness of this responsibilty of motherhood, and I love the "job" so much. And the Lord is so sweet to give endurance when I need it, support from my husband (these challenges with Jonah have really forced us to work together as a team like never before, and that's been a blessing for our relationship!), and continual lessons on dependence. And especially sweet is that the tantrums are defintely lessening in frequency, so maybe we're nearing the other side. (The other side being that they're the exception instead of the norm.) Until this past month, I've never really felt desperate in parenting, and He's shown me before that desperate is good! So it's been a good time. Sometimes brokenness just looks like simplifying in my life. So that's what I am doing and will be doing for a while hopefully. And I really am liking it. And surprised I am liking it so much. The pace isn't slower, I am still doing things nonstop from before dawn until almost midnight most days. But it's the most important things that are getting done.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I will have some friend time! Mom, Parker, and I are headed to a dear friend's wedding reception in Dallas, and I'm also going to another friend's wedding shower there. I'll be seeing several good friends that I don't get to see very often, so I'm excited! Hopefully we'll have time to squeeze in a few shopping stops too! I hope I remember to take pictures; I've been really bad about that lately.

And Now For the Simplest Window Mistreatments Ever...

2008-08-18T20:24:00.004-05:00

Taking a cue from The Nester, I've decided to "mistreat" the itty bitty window on the door in my family room that goes into the garage and to join in her blog party today. It's not the most magnificent window dressing ever. Some gathering and layering would have been cute. But this is all I need! I just needed to add color and texture, and my garage isn't the prettiest view so I did want that covered up. So here ya have it! My first ever window mistreatment. See! I didn't even iron it before I showed you! I guess I'm learning a thing or two about "imperfect beauty" from that Nester. I decided to do this on Friday, and 15 minutes, $6, and one hot glue gun burn/blister later, here is what I pulled off:

Not bad for NO sewing, don't ya think? For a girl with no skills, this mistreatment concept is right up my alley!

See the before?

And once again, the after:

Bookcase, Before and After

2008-08-17T20:44:00.007-05:00

Just wanted to show you a recent painting project that I think makes a big impact in our family room. We're not going to paint the walls but they're quite a bit lighter than I prefer. So I wanted to add some warmth to the room in another way. Sweet Shelly helped me paint (well, so did our husbands actually) because I am so inept with a paintbrush. Really, some people get all the skills. Others of us have none. I totally stole the idea for this new look from Shelly's house. But I don't feel bad because I'm pretty sure that the first time I went to her house soon after we met, I told her in no uncertain terms that there were about fifty-three things in her lovely home that I wanted to copy exactly. She could have ended the friendship there. But she didn't. So I'm assuming she feels complimented or something. Of course, she is moving to another state this month. I don't know what that means. But anyway, Shelly, I really appreciate the inspiration as well as the manual labor!

Here is the way-too-white built-in bookcase that I never really tried very hard to make pretty, before we worked the magic :

And Ta-da! Except for the few empty areas that will soon be filled with more books that I'm going to steal back from Joel's office, here is the finished product. After:

Oh yeah, I already changed up a few things since taking that picture, but you get the idea of how much of a difference the black paint makes. And here is another view of it from the family room, looking into the kitchen (I like the black and white contrast; it adds a little drama.):

Pay no attention to the two missing lampshades on the chandelier. They're broken but no worries. They've already been put on the honey-do list, and I have full confidence in his abilities.

Just Some Pics

2008-08-13T21:48:00.004-05:00

Here are some pictures that I like from the last few weeks...

My three favorite people in the world:

Spending time with a couple of girlfriends from high school, Amber and Erin:

Jonah with Erin's daughter Isabel (Can you tell they love each other?):

Jonah on a day when he insisted on wearing socks (He tried on every pair he owns with different shoes. In his boxer briefs.):

Lastly, one of the few mother/daughter pics I have actually taken with Parker:

Rainy Day

2008-08-08T11:24:00.003-05:00

Isn't this little boy just so cute?

Rain has canceled our plans to go to the pool this morning with Alissa and Luke, and that was a bummer. But we've been rocking on our front porch, listening to the rain while Jonah plays in it, splashing in puddles. The line of the song "You are my Sunshine" that says "You make me happy when skies are grey" has been playing in my head this morning. That cheesy smile of his in this picture just cracks me up.

And let me tell you, we've needed some sunshine in our home! This little boy has been quite challenging the last couple of weeks, so we're in a big season of having to train and retrain on some things. It's hard work! Also, I've been working the last couple of days on getting Parker on a regular sleeping and eating schedule, and that's been going pretty well. It's time for us to have more structure to our day or I'm not able to give Jonah the attention he needs, so we're really trying to figure out this week how that all needs to work. There have been a number of anger tantrums the last week and a half, and we have lots to work on! There have been some draining days, but God has given much encouragement through His Word and through daily empowerment. The power to parent is always there, I just hate that it takes me getting so desperate before I turn to Him, lean into Him, and tap into that power. I wish I started every day with brokenness and dependence! I'm working on that this week too! I find it very interesting how dramatically our family dynamics have changed in the last week or so. Parker is so easy now! Her brother is quite challenging! I love them both so much and even when I find myself in a season of hard work discipline-wise, I am extremely grateful for the little moments of sunshine that make their way in...moments of laughter, funny things being said, and just pure enjoyment of life with my kids. And to me, this picture captures the essence of that enjoyment!

Encouragements

2008-08-02T19:37:00.003-05:00

I told you I was going to give an update on previous posts where I had shared my conviction about the need to be building relationships with nonbelievers and do what I can to influence more people to come to Christ. It's an area where I've been greatly encouraged by the Lord, and I wanted to share a couple of those encouragements.

First, I've seen where these relationships are not just tasks to be checked off the "Christian to-do list" but rather an outflow of a heart devoted to Christ's cause on this earth. It's a matter of God wanting to create an openness in my heart towards these opportunities and essentially making it a part of my character to want what He wants and to live according to His same priorities. I get that that's the goal. But I realize more and more how little my priorities actually match up with His, and I'm learning that He doesn't wait until we reach perfection to include us in His work. He takes what we give Him, and He mercifully walks us through the baby steps of this life of following Him. I'd think He'd tire of the baby steps, but He is ever so patient. And as I've said before, this relationship-with-nonbelievers thing is not something I've yet grown up to where God desires. Still taking baby steps. But oh my goodness. I have seen that even in our baby steps of growth, He responds. He leads. He acts. He always does His part of the things He has promised. And in this one little area, I've already seen where He has been faithful to bring about relationships, opportunities, and the power to impact the heart of a person who does not yet know Him. What a privilege to be a part! I have one such person in my life now, and you can all say a big "YAY!" about that, and I say thanks to so many of you who have played a part in that journey with your wise words and ongoing conversation about this. So YAY! A relationship is there. And openness is there on the part of the nonbelieving friend. And several things have happened that absolutely confirm to me that the Holy Spirit is definitely at work in this person's life! I'm praying. I'm just thankful for God's precious reminder to me that He asks something from us in regard to this one area because He is already at work and will always finish what He's started!

The other thing about all this that has encouraged me greatly is that I've seen how much of a team effort it can be. In this one particular relationship, a friend of mine met this person and started her own relationship with her. My friend began the investing. And then through introducing us, she included some others of us in this process. And we've all played a different part. My friend is doing an amazing job investing in this relationship and the Holy Spirit has given her beautiful words to share about Christ, and her genuine love has so validated her words. I've played a small part. To share in that love, to ask intentional questions to get her thinking about Christ and to come alongside with words that speak of who Christ is. To pray. To encourage others are witnessing as well. And I just am so refreshed by the fact that God often uses a community of people to reach one lost person. I know that should have been more obvious to me, but I guess one of the ways Satan discouraged me in this area is by making me feel like I had to play all the parts in helping someone come to Christ. Sounds so silly! But I guess he's had success with that since pride is ever an issue in my life. And I finally have felt the freedom of playing whatever role God has for me. Sometimes I will be the initiator and someone else will play the coming-alongside role and other roles, and other times, like this one, I'll be in the supportive role. And the roles may change even within the same relationship! Whatever God has planned. But I think I had to take this pressure off myself to play all the roles and just follow God's specific leading for particular situations. That is encouraging, my friends! I love seeing God at work in these things, and I still can't get over the fact that He uses us in them.

What are some of the encouragements God has given you in the area of living "on mission" for the gospel?

Stop Me Next Time I Start to Say Something Like....

2008-08-01T09:15:00.004-05:00

"This is my new plan."

I remember writing that in the last post. And I should know by now that God likes to remind me that even when He gives me plans and they are good ones, He still reserves the right to change them. Whenever He wants. And change them He did, this week. I've been sick ever since Monday afternoon, have had to cancel every fun thing that was planned, and haven't gotten one thing done other than meeting the basic survival needs of my children. And even that just barely got done! My "plan" to get organized has failed miserably. This has not been fun. Why oh why do I let my plans turn into idols? Why do I even need to have a system in place when it's obvious that right now God wants me living in the moment, trusting in His grace for that day alone. Not that He doesn't want me to get organized or to plan. I just am convicted that I fail to seek His leadership on the whens and hows of my daily responsibilities and I try to plan out life days in advance without waking up each day with the question, "Lord, what do you have for me today?" and begging Him for the power to accomplish it all. No wonder I'm burdened by so many undone tasks! I'm forgetting to live one day at a time. And nothing like some physical sickness to remind me that one-day-at-a-time-living is all I can do!

Catching Up

2008-07-28T08:04:00.003-05:00

Thought I'd catch you up on a few things that have been going on around here. I have some pictures to post but I can't figure out how to do it. I have a new camera. And I have issues with doing things right the first time when I have something new. So I'm not even going to try to figure it out until my husband is home to show me how. So I'll post those later. Is it true for everyone else that extra busy times come in seasons? Things have been nice and slow and then all of a sudden, we have three weeks in a row of jam-packed schedules and a bunch of stuff to do all at once. (As of now, August looks really calm and open.) This week is the third in that three-week period for us. And I really like it! I do. I struggle to find the balance. But it's been a good few weeks. Full of rich experiences with people. And another benefit of being gone so much is that when I clean my house, we're not home to mess it up quite as fast! But you still don't want to walk barefoot in my house right now. It's not that clean.

I've had a hard time getting caught up in life. Those who are around me much know this. I felt like there have been numerous projects that have gone undone and they just seem to hang over my head all the time. I've felt so behind for so long. And the black cloud of non-productivity in these things has really affected my efficiency in doing all of the normal, daily mother/wife duties. A couple of weeks ago, Joel and I were talking about it. He was such a great listener and then he told me he thought I should just get a baby-sitter for a day and work on all this stuff. Oh. My. Goodness. That made my day. We never spend money on baby-sitters. But he was wise enough to know that's what this overwhelmed mama needed! I decided to get a sitter to come for two half-days last week, and I ran all those errands that I've been putting off because I didn't want to drag my kids along, and then I locked myself in a room for hours just to work on different things. My parents also watched the kids for part of one day. So, I got a lot of sitter time last week, and I don't really love being away from them so much within that time frame, but it was very helpful and did allow me to spend more focused, energized time on/with them when we were all back together again. It felt so good to finally cross some things off the list of to-do items, so I am very thankful for that time. So that was last week...being as productive as possible and getting as much done as possible to get caught up.

I'll just talk about this getting caught up thing some more...I had realized it had been since the first week of February that I've felt mostly caught up. I've come to the conclusion that I am in desperate need of some organization in my home and life. Disorganization contributes to a whole lot of other things that make me less than what I ought to be as a wife, mother, and friend. It is essential that I get organized and that I do it fast! I've decided I need to be one of those people who goes nonstop all day long to check off the list ( the "list" is not just about duties and activities, by the way, but also about relationships and intentional relational investing, especially with my children) and just stay very active all day long, then just crash into bed at night. I know people like that. And it seems to be working for them. I want to be like them. The disciplines of stillness and solitude are Scriptural, and that kind of refueling is essential. But the kind of "rest" I'm talking about not taking during the day is the kind that's just about me relaxing, being lazy, etc. There will be opportunities to relaxing alone time, and I'll talk them! I just think right now I'm in a season (an overwhelmed one!) where I need to spend most of my days on these tasks, working hard to get them achieved, and taking less time just to play. No more "veg" time when kids are napping. I've got to be working!

So that is my new plan. I'm staying busy. And working to get these projects done. And guess what, I'm resting great at night!!

Parker is too! She's ten weeks old now, and it's flying. She's been sleeping great at night! I'm loving it. Many of you know that night sleep with Jonah just didn't happen. So this has been a pleasant surprise! During the day, she eats a lot more often than I really enjoy, but I'm scared to mess with anything and stretch her feedings out since nights are so great. Last week was her two week appointment and she weighed 11 and a half pounds! Not quite as chubby as Jonah was at this age but she's still got some cute rolls. She's been sweet and much happier than she was her first month of life! Yesterday she was a stink bug though. Lots of crying. Very little sleeping. Hopefully she's over it today. Speaking of today, a playgroup we're a part of is meeting at our house in about an hour for a splash day in the backyard. So this isn't going to be near as much of a catch-up post as I had planned. It will have to come in installments!

Some coming posts (besides the pictures) will be an update on the posts here, here, and here about building relationships with nonbelievers and an update on some of the house projects I've been doing. And many thanks to those of you who gave accountability on that when I asked for it!)

I'll just tell you one last thing. I got myself a mentor. I'm so excited. There's a woman I've been wanting to ask to meet with me regularly in a mentor-type relationship, and I finally did yesterday. I'm so dumb, I actually asked her, "Will you meet with me and tell me things I need to know?" I'm thrilled to death that she said yes! Her name is Lisa, and I'm pretty sure you'll hear a lot about my Lisa time in future posts. I don't know when we're starting exactly, but I can hardly wait!

The Great Big Maternity Sale

2008-07-19T17:12:00.020-05:00

Ok, this is going to be uninteresting and irrelevant for most of you, and I wanted to post it where you have to click on the title to see the remainder of the post. But apparently, I'm not smart enough to figure that out. So if you're not interested in The Great Big Maternity Sale, I'm sorry to put you through this. I have a number of great maternity items that I'm planning on selling in the consignment sale here in town at the beginning of September. However, some friends have asked about buying from me, and I thought it might be better to try to first sell to friends. So. If you're pregnant, might be in the near future, or you know someone who is or might be soon, then look through the pictures of what I am selling and let me know if you're interested in purchasing anything. I always like to get rid of stuff quickly, so these are amazingly good prices. And the clothes are all in excellent shape. I've made mention of the few that have some wear, so you'll know. But of course, you can come by my house (those who live here, obviously) and check it out for yourself. Since I needed a little bit of cold-weather and warm-weather clothes, I have some of both but mostly versatile pieces that can be worn either season. For example, I have lots of short-sleeved and sleeveless shirts that were great solo in the springtime but in the winter, I was able to layer them under sweaters and jackets. If you're interested in anything, call me and let me know when you'd like to come by this week and take a look! We'll be around most of the week and I'll have this stuff out for your easy viewing pleasure!
Happy shopping...

Ok, first of all. PANTS. Maternity pants look so weird in pictures when not on a body. They look really funny! But these actually are all pretty flattering pants. I like my pants long, so these are all long in length.

Taupe wide-leg, low-rise dress pants, Liz Lange Maternity, size 6, $10:

These are my VERY FAVORITE! Low-rise, wide-leg Old Navy khaki pants, size small, $12:

Navy-ish casual pants with a slight flare leg, Old Navy size small. (Slight fading but still really cute, I happen to think!) The waist band can be rolled down for a low-rise fit or kept up for more support, $7:

Low-rise bootcut jeans (a little stretch in them), Old Navy size small/long, $10:

Medium-rise (also stretchy) Liz Lange Maternity jeans, size 2, $10:

Wide-leg dressy black pants, Motherhood Maternity, size small, $10:

And now, for SKIRTS.

Low-rise jean skirt that hits just above knee. Babystyle, size small, $10:

Low-rise grey (sweats) skirt, Babystyle size small, $8:

Low-rise, straight black skirt, Planet Motherhood size small, $5:

Here's a DRESS.

Green summery dress, Motherhood Maternity size small, $12:

3/4-sleeve or long-sleeve SHIRTS are next.

V-neck, side-ruched fitted shirts (grey or fuchsia), Old Navy size small, $8:

White stretchy shirt, Liz Lange Maternity size small, $6:

Beige top that ties in back, New with tags. Oh Baby!By Motherhood size small, $9:

Black scoop-neck top with bell-sleeves (LOVED wearing this one), Liz Lange Maternity size small, $8:

Fuchsia turtleneck tunic (was a dress but I had it shortened into a long top to wear over jeans), Old Navy size small, $7:

Black V-neck fitted sweater (a little wear on the ribbed part, you know, when the sweater gets little fuzzies), Babystyle size small, $5:

Purple striped, fitted shirt, Liz Lange Maternity size small, $6:

And now for the short-sleeved and sleeveless SHIRTS.

Multi-print top, Babystyle size small, $10:

Striped, fitted shirt, Old Navy size small, $7:

Aqua-blue babydoll top, Babystyle size small, $8:

Pink, semi-sheer (needs cami underneath) fitted top (has a small hole but I kept wearing it because the hole is on the underside of the pregnant belly so not really visible!). Babystyle size small, $4:

Olive and tan top, Dolan size small, $10:

Pink paisley top, Motherhood Maternity size medium, $8:

Mint green v-neck tee, Old Navy size small, $7:

Brown tee, new with tags, Motherhood Maternity size small, $6:

Other TANK TOPS. Some great alone, others for layering or make good workout tanks.

Long, fitted ribbed tank (in grey or grey/yellow striped), Babystyle size small, $7:

Baby blue tank top, Motherhood Maternity size small, $4:

Ribbed tank top (in pink or hunter green), size medium, $4:

And then some ESSENTIALS.

White, spaghetti-strap cami (This is a must-have to wear under LOTS of things), Liz Lange Maternity size medium, $7:

Black Bella Band (wore this during first trimester all the way through and for several weeks after giving birth! It was the miracle worker!), one size fits all $12:

And lastly, a SWIMSUIT.

Black tankini, Motherhood Maternity size small, $10:

The Great Thing About It Is....

2008-07-19T07:38:00.007-05:00

This title reflects the phrase I hear ALL the time now around my house, in reference to "The iPhone." Joel has been enjoying a new phone and all the perks this particular one has, and he regularly tries to impress me with its goods. And I've been feigning annoyance. I know he likes it when I act like it bothers me to hear about the iphone. It just reminds him that he has one. And that he's happy he has one. But seriously, we don't have to talk about the iphone all the time, right? Like, maybe limit it to 20 references a day. That would be nice. Oh, it's pretty funny because Jonah was asking Joel something the other day, and instead of saying, "Are you talking on your phone?" (which is what he would have said two weeks ago about the old phone), Jonah said, "Are you talking on the iphone?" He said "THE iPHONE"!!! That probably won't be funny to anyone but me and Joel, but it cracked us up. This phone is so amazing, I guess, that it needs a "the" in front of it and needs to be called by its proper name to set it aside from all of the other lesser cell phones. Whatever. It's great, but it isn't saving the world yet. I'm a little uninterested in "the iphone" because I could care less what kind of technological anything I own. But Joel is slowly but surely teaching our son to care about which tech things are the newest and coolest. Blah.

BUT, the great thing about it is...that it can capture my little girl's smiles, like this one:

We had a great day yesterday...the four of us went to Dallas to do a couple of fun activities we've been wanting to do with Jonah. We went to Grapevine Mills first to have lunch at Rainforest Cafe. Jonah recently went there with my parents and it is his newest love, so we went back. Several friends met us there for lunch, which was so nice. My friend Megan and her new husband Nick were there (such cute newlyweds), and my friend Lizzy (from college) and her husband and adorable little girl met us there. Her little girl Autumn is super cute. It was fun seeing them, although it's so loud in that restaurant that it was hard to carry on conversation with everybody. Whenever I spend time with close friends from out-of-town, I always leave feeling like it just wasn't enough time. But we had so much fun, just the four of us. We went to the Dallas World Aquarium, which is just one of the coolest places ever. I mean, seeing a real live manatee up close is just quite an experience. We had a great time. Parker slept through most of it. By the way, she was an angel the entire day. She got a little fussy at lunchtime, but thankfully, there were extra arms to hold her! (Thanks Meg and Liz!) It's been a rare occurence lately to have both kids have good days on the same day, but we were blessed with Jonah having an appreciative attitude and Parker being sweet and smiley (or asleep) for the day. I wish I could remember to take more pictures. I meant to get some with our friends and a ton more of the kids. Unfortunately, most of my aquarium pictures didn't turn out because of all the glass and reflections. We finished the day with dinner at Chipotle, left downtown shortly after 5:00pm, but thanks to that wonderful HOV lane, we were home by 7. It couldn't have gone better.

But speaking of Chipotle, do you prefer the burrito or the bowl? I say once you go bowl, you never go back. Joel just made the switch to bowl, and I am pleased with his decision. If you need me to give you a list of all the pros of eating your Chipotle burrito in a bowl instead of a tortilla, I will. I'd be quite delighted to!

Lessons in Silence

2008-07-08T12:04:00.003-05:00

I love to use this blog as a vehicle for sharing what Christ is doing in my life and what He is teaching me and how He is helping me to grow. I believe everyday events such as my children's developmental milestones and our daily activities can be an expression of God's glory and there is just as much purpose in sharing those kinds of things on the blog as there is in talking about the specific "Christian-related" things. (I use those quotes to denote my disbelief that there are realms of life that are unrelated to Christ. I don't believe that at all. He is of all and in all and through all, and the redemption offered to us via the cross is available and adequate to restore all of creation, not just souls.) While I believe that, I do enjoy talking about things specifically related to personal spirituality. I haven't done that in a while. And it's bothered me. I haven't felt like there's been much to share. Oh, I know God is at work. It's just that He's working in an entirely different way than He ever has before in my life. Or at least that I can remember. It's different. And I haven't been able to articulate one single thought to summarize what has been going on in my life spiritually the last couple of months. And I don't like that one bit. I'm not used to it, actually. Anyone who possesses any spiritual gifts in the realm of teaching or discernment or anyone who just experiences such things regularly or from time-to-time by the Spirit's help will know exactly what I am talking about. I'm not an expert on spiritual gifts, but for several years, I have really enjoyed studying them...the theory of them and then the beauty of how they actually work together in real church life. And here's one thing I've noticed: If you're a "teacher-type", then there's this little part of you (actually the Spirit inside of you) that can respond a little sooner to various circumstances or experiences with an understanding of truth. (Obviously, that happens when walking in the Spirit, not all the time.) But a teacher is likely to immediately look for application of truth. We want to know "the lesson" in something, and as soon as we know it, we want to share it with others. I happen to think God has specifically designed that particular spiritual gift to work in that way. We teacher-types get passionate about learning truth...even if we're going through something huge, one little truth to cling to and lay claim to is all we really need. We see how God is changing us and what He is doing in and around us, and that can really satisfy us. And then we find even greater satisfaction when we get to see that work passed on to someone else.

So, what happens when we don't exactly "see" it? When the reality of what He is doing can't be wrapped up in a cute little package of insightful, summarizing words and succinct paragraphs?? I so like it when the lesson comes in a cute little package and sometimes with an even cuter little bow on top. And I'm learning that it doesn't always happen that way. God has been so sweet and near to me the last few months, but I don't really have one clue where He's going with it all. Not one single insight into the lessons of truth He has for circumstances I've found myself in. My daily life is looking different than it did a few months ago...schedules and demands have changed, and I feel I am still in this adjustment period of trying to get in a new groove while not totally understanding what that new groove should even look like. It's been an interesting time. What a lot of mothers experience when they have their first baby, I am just now going through; I am so busy with everyday basic-parenting (not even spiritual training and those kinds of things, just meeting plain 'ol survival needs) and household responsibilities that I have felt the enemy trying to push me into questioning my effectiveness right now. In the past, my ministry has extended beyond my immediate family, and right now, God is having me focus a whole lot more on these three other people living in my home. While I don't believe God has us focus entirely on our husbands and children to the exclusion of loving others and playing our role in building up the Body of Christ, I definitely know that He sometimes leads us to focus much more of our time and energies on the needs of our families than at other times. He reserves the right to lead us to those seasons as He wishes. And I'm in one of those seasons now. And I don't resent it one bit. I love the opportunity to give of myself to my sweet babies and to focus on deepening and strengthening my relationship with my husband. I recognize that I am blessed to be given this time. But I can't say that I never let Satan have any success with such deceptions. There are some days that I let him discourage me about what I am not accomplishing outside of my home. Or inside of it. And what has made it easier to think like that has been this seeming silence from the Lord on the whys of some of the things He's taking me through right now.

While my journey with Him these last couple of months has taken me through battles with insecurity and misidentity, pain of rejection and disappointment, I don't have this nice little understanding of what He's doing exactly or what all He wants to show me. The journey with Him has been rich, but I can't tell you how He might use it. Does anyone else really like knowing how God is going to "use" some experience of yours (especially the difficult ones) in perhaps someone else's life?? We can be so comforted by that. And that's not an entirely bad thing, as 2 Cor 1 suggests. It's just that sometimes I think God just wants me to learn quiet trust. Instead of wanting me to breeze through circumstances, He's asking me this summer to just sit in them a while. Sit a little longer. Sit as long as it takes for God to complete His work. And I admit, that's hard for me. I tend to look at my circumstances and experiences with a perspective that says, "Ok, God. Got that lesson. Checked it off the list. Let's move on to the next thing please." And right now, we're not moving on. I can get pretty restless in that place. I think He has lots to teach me during this season of life when activities have changed and my ministry is in the realm of what seems more mundane. And I just have to keep sitting in it until HE is ready to make things clearer. And so I sit, continuing to work through these issues of identity and purpose and contentment as I walk through (or run, trying to catch up) each day of loving on my family. Just trusting that things will be good on the other side even if I don't know what they'll be and knowing that in the midst of unclear vision presently, things are still good.

This all just makes me wonder about what my motives can so easily become. Is it that my excitement about spiritual growth and the Christian life flows mostly from what I see God doing or rather from who I trust Him to be when I cannot see what He is doing? I think joy will only be the reality when my focus is on experiencing His presence more than the lessons. When I realize that a real live journey with a real live God looks more like Him leading me through a dance (in which I don't always know the next step until we take it) than a cookie-cutter expectation of what He's going to show me and when.

What I appreciate so much about the Lord right now is that even though many of His revelations about things occur on His timetable and not always on mine, He still is a God who delights in revealing Himself. When He withholds "lessons" for a time, He does not withhold Himself. Love Him for that.