Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Think I'm Back

Hopefully I'm back to blogging more regularly. I've missed you! I'm working on catching up on everybody's blogs. Like I mentioned previously, my focus has had to be on my home for the last 5 or 6 weeks. And it's been a hard time. But it's been really good. I feel like I've been re-energized in my roles as wife and mom, and it's taken some pretty tough days to get me there, to make me desperate enough to where I passionately sought out the Lord for help in every aspect of those roles. And when we're weak, He always comes through for us! And it's been fun to have my heart turned more towards my home. I mean, I loved it before. I thought I did. I've always loved being a mother and consider myself quite blessed to have a job that centers on loving these precious children of mine. It's just different now. Over the course of the last month or so, I've come to realize that I had made idols out of some of these blessings that come from being a stay-at-home mommy. I don't know how to explain it well, especially as I'm still processing through this and working on dealing with it, but I've had a fun time so far in my parenting life. I had never experienced the valley of loneliness as I know so many stay-at-home moms have. Until recently. I haven't ever felt particularly disconnected from people who aren't children or struggling with a lack of meaningful relationships and fun experiences. I've been blessed with amazing "mommy friends" and I can't remember the last time I had a week that didn't have a fun playdate on the calendar. Until this summer. I never thought I could be one of those moms who just stayed home all the time. But God is showing me exactly what I am capable of, through His power, and He is, strangely enough, changing my desires to even want it more. Crazy! I'm liking it. I have spent a lot more time within the walls of this house, doing the hard work of homemaking and parenting...the kind that requires constant, tedious training of my child. At first, the sanguine in me resisted that kind of solitude. But I've tasted of its blessings, and I am completely and utterly sold on the idea that I can best parent my child if we stay home considerably more. I had no idea how much I had idolized some of these fun experiences of getting together with my girlfriends during the day and/or just being on the go with my kids all day until I really was forced to miss out on a lot of those things. I always knew constant entertainment (for them or me) was never the goal. But I still pursued it too much, and I never even realized that until just recently, since I've been in my hermit state of existence. But here's the good thing: it's not like I have to stay holed up in my house forever! Even when the difficult stages of parenting little ones (when you just know you can't leave the house because your child is acting so crazy) lingers on for longer than you'd like, it's still just a season. It does end eventually. And I want so much not to look back and feel like I missed out on the opportunities of these few short years I have my babies all to myself. I've been so desperate and struggling with parenting issues, yet I'm never felt so empowered, encouraged, and inspired! This is a GOOD job! And even in these seasons, God sends the breaks when we need them...not just the times we can get away for our own refreshment but also opoprtunities to invest in others's lives. I'm finding that being at home considerably more these last few weeks hasn't eliminated opportunities for ministry to others outside of my family; it just looks a little different right now. A lot more of that is happening in my home, and I'm really enjoying that! And being home better prepares me for those times and keeps me ready for those unexpected times when needs just show up at my door. That's been happening! And it's been fun! Anyway, this probably isn't all that interesting to anyone, but it's where I've been lately and blogging about it helps me process and gain more insight into this change that God is doing in me to draw my heart towards my home roles more. Oh, and by the way, we have had a reprieve from some of these behavior issues of Jonah's...there hasn't been a tantrum in a week and a half! That's been nice.

Our trip to Bartlesville was great. The ride there was rough. Parker cried a majority of the 6 hour trip. I hope my mom doesn't read this! She is really unhappy at the thought of a grandchild of hers strapped in a car seat for that long ever, and the crying part just kills her. But it was loud in our car! Thankfully, the trip home went much better, with her sleeping the first three and a half hours. That helped. There was only one big screaming fit, and it was on the last 35 minutes of the trip, so we knew we could make it! Our visit with family was good...we were able to see all of Joel's siblings, and Joel's mom had planned some fun activities for us which is so nice for a busy three-year old. We went to a local wildlife preserve and to Kiddie Park, our favorite old-fashioned little kids' amusement pak. I think for most moms, traveling with a baby can be quite tiring. I just expected it to be a little hard. WORTH IT, because visiting family always is. But I thought it would be pretty exhausting. And I was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed and rested I felt coming home. Both kids slept pretty well while we were there, which never seems to happen when traveling. It was a nice little getaway for a few days.

I have more pictures and updates on both kids to post soon, and I have a post I've started in my head about Sarah Palin that should be somewhat interesting. Until then, I'm going to start getting caught up on y'all's blogs!


Chandra said...

I have been interested in hearing your thoughts on Sarah, so I will be looking forward to that post! Wish I could have been in Bville to see you all.

love - chandra

Courtney said...

welcome back! i am interested in seeing that post too! :)

Marci said...

I love how God is turning your heart toward home! It is hard at times, but like you said, it is only a season.

Seriously, next time you are in town, let me know. I want to take you to coffee, lunch, something. However, I know how hard it is when you are home for short periods to want to do anything but spend time with family. I struggle with that when I visit my family in Indiana.