Monday, March 2, 2009


My heart is heavy right now. I am burdened for someone I care so much about, and I have done all I can do to help this person. I pray that she'll want help. As of now, she's walking down a very destructive path and doesn't see that. It may be that she just doesn't care. But I'm hoping that it's because of how blinding the process of sin is, how it takes us one step further away every time we say yes to it and we aren't usually aware of how many steps away we've taken. So I'm praying for enlightenment, for the Spirit of God to make truth plain and clear and for her heart to really hear it. To have to confront someone is awful. And costly. I very well may have lost a relationship that I am not wanting to lose. But it had to be done. Someone had to speak truth. And I've actually known for years it would be me. I've dreaded it. I thought I had done all I needed to do. A couple months ago, I talked with her and hoped I was done. Rather than the conversation being confrontational that time, it was more of me asking thought-provoking questions. And her giving all the right answers. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, assume that they mean what they say and are in the place they say they are. But too many evidences show that she didn't and she's not. And I just shared with her last night what I see and how concerned I am, and my pleas to be convinced otherwise were mostly met with silence. Truth was responded to in anger and defensiveness, not surprisingly really, despite my best efforts to convey love. I'm scared of the consequences she'll face if she continues down this road of playing games with God. He won't accept that much longer, I'm afraid. Really afraid. Actually, I'm not so sure anymore that this is about "restoring a (sister) caught in sin" (Galatians 6:1). The silence I received on the subject of Jesus causes me to wonder if she is really His, and that question is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I did what I felt God asked me to do. But the enemy is full of accusations towards me, and I'm battling lots of lies. I'm thankful for the sweet (night owl) =) friend who listened to me pour out my feelings after the confrontation last night, received my tearful, trembling "processing" and affirmed and reinforced Truth to me. And I'm praying, praying, praying. Praying for her heart. Praying for all those things I've not really wished for her, like brokenness. Praying that the truth of whatever God allowed me to share with her, though not done perfectly so, will penetrate her soul and will act as the seed that will sprout transformation. His transformation of her heart. I'm so thankful He's in the business of doing that. And I'm thankful that I know Him and have tasted of that myself. All I can do is pray and continue to show love, even with the expectation that my love may not be received anytime soon, or ever. God has given me love for her, so I know that agape will endure. My part will be to keep tapping into that. Every day.


Courtney said...

I can hear the heavy in your heart. I am sorry. I love you! I know that those things are NEVER easy, but I know you and I know you prayed and sought the Lord on it. I know your heart and that it is pure and that you approached her for the right reasons. You have done all you can do besides what you are already doing...continuing to pray. Thinking of you