Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Oh My

I just had my first experience so far during this pregnancy of having some random stranger comment on my pregnancy. The clerk at Kohls asked me when I am due. So, if there was any question as to whether or not I'm showing yet, I'm pretty sure that's been settled. It's obvious to the world now that I'm expecting. I guess I "popped" a little more without realizing it, because I was really surprised when she asked me. I sounded like an idiot because I stumbled around my words before I could get out, "May." I just wasn't aware until today that people I don't know (or rather, people who don't "know") could tell I am pregnant. Hmm. Not sure how I feel about that right now. Just wanted to write it, for some reason. Speaking of expecting, I'm realizing this week that it's real and that I better start praying like crazy for this little one! I have been praying, in regards to its development now. But I'm starting to get a little weird about life with a newborn again. I feebly tried to communicate this feeling to some friends last week, but I know I wasn't communicating well because one of the girls said, "Yeah, but you'll probably be calmer with a second baby." See, that's just the thing. I don't think I naturally will be. I was pretty calm when I had Jonah. I know it can really rock a new mom's world, but I can't pretend that's how it was with me. I owe it all to a God who blessed me with relationships and experiences beforehand that really prepared me. Motherhood just wasn't a shocking thing. I didn't feel stressed. I felt prepared. And here's why I'm a little nervous about it now. I wonder if I will be as patient or stress-free. I think it will be harder for me now to slow down, because I've gotten pretty used to the life of a toddler-mom. In most ways, it's easier now. I have time to myself most days. I've gotten used to a routine that just plain works for us right now. So I am having a hard time remembering what infant life is even like, and I wonder if my expectations will be a little off. I had spent the last several years before having Jonah working as a nanny. I worked for several different families, but I always had one family that had a newborn. So I was so used to that kind of life. There weren't many surprises. But it's different this time....I haven't been around a newborn in two years now! I just feel rusty. All this to say, I KNOW the same God that prepared me then can prepare (refresh) me now. I just can tell already that I will have a much stronger need to depend on Him. I know I will be more desperate for His guidance this time around. So I will choose to celebrate this lack of confidence this time around and let it drive me to His feet. Starting now. I am on my knees, not just for this child inside of me, but for all aspects of what life will be like when this one joins our family - and that I will actually do what I know I need to do right now (constant prayer!) in order to experience the kind of peace this time around that I really was blessed to have when Jonah entered into our world. It's just interesting how much less prepared I feel this time, considering I've been through this all before. But that's just how it is. That's what I'm currently experiencing. Just writing about it now helps me refocus my thoughts on the Lord and remember how faithful He is to come through with meeting our needs. (I already am less concerned about all of it!) I know He has great lessons for me in this, so I'm ready to learn. But is it just me - am I the only one who was calm the first time and not naturally calm the second time? It's just not a feeling I was expecting. But let me just also say....this mama is EXCITED. Ready for the next five months to fly by so I can meet this little punkin.

5 comments:

Christa said...

Sounds to me like you are in a good place. Doesn't God want us desperate for Him. I know it doesn't always feel good...but I think He is already preparing you by getting you to place to seek Him. And just for the record...the last time I saw you I almost forgot you were pregnant because you are hiding it well. You must have just been wearing something that did not disguise it very good.

Melody said...

It's crazy that you wrote about someone commenting on your pregnancy because just last night I went to get my hair cut and the lady asked when I was due. It was my first time for a stranger to comment on my pregnancy. I forget that it's 'obvious' at times.
I wish we could stop by to see you guys while driving through Tyler, but this trip is going to be hectic since it's Christmas AND Dustin's sister is getting married on Saturday. We will definitely get together soon...atleast I hope we can!!

khowze said...

First of all I am sure you look great!! Don't worry (too much) about the second one. I have found that infants are amazingly versatile...meaning they can go anywhere and do just about anything with you that you do with your older one (the baby bjorn comes in quite handy). Certainly with the second child I realized that infants (newborns) aren't really that big of a deal (besides the sleep deprivation)they just need cuddles, milk and dry diapers. Once I had a toddler or two, the infant seems like the easy one and being laid back did come more natural the second and third time...and yes I worried plenty about how I would manage different ages, but it has worked out. Check back with me in a few months when Addie is more awake and mobile, I might have a different story!

Marci H said...

Are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl?

Hannah E. said...

Yes, we hope to find out! January 7th is the date.