Sunday, June 15, 2008

A True "Mom Moment"

There are experiences of motherhood in which you just cannot fake that it's glamorous. I had one of those experiences this morning. I feel compelled to share what may be a funny story one day. Just not today!

The day started off well. Any of you ministers' wives know what I'm talking about when I use the phrase "Sunday morning widow"; it can be quite tricky being responsible for you and your kids getting to church on time and alive, all by yourself. I don't know why it's harder on Sunday mornings when I do it almost every other day of the week by myself. Maybe it's because I attempt to have us look somewhat presentable for church, and that's a goal we don't even strive for anymore on other days. But on Sundays, we usually try a tad harder. Since I'm still well within the trial period of having two kids instead of one, my Sunday morning routine is still in an experimental phase. Haven't figured it out just yet. And we have yet to make it on time to church. Except for one Sunday. But that doesn't count because I wasn't showered. Mission remains unaccomplished. But today, we made it very close to start time, and things went remarkably well during the first hour at church. Parker was amazingly sweet during the church service, and we were able to stay in there the entire time. A whole service! She was either happily awake or she was asleep in my arms. It went perfectly smooth. I also decided to take a bottle for her at church today so that I could attempt to be present for more of church. If you know me at all, then you know being engaged in church is very important to me, and when I am unable to fully participate in it for weeks at a time, it really starts to wear me down. I just don't believe you can have abundant life without an abundant church life. But that's an entirely different soapbox that I'll refrain from getting on. Hopefully ever again. But you can imagine my delight in being able to soak up an entire hour of corporate worship, there with my precious baby girl in my arms and my husband by my side. It just does wonders for my outlook on life. After first service, I headed upstairs to our Bible study class, excited that I would be able to stay longer in class, thanks to the bottle I brought, and not have to leave to go nurse her. I was practically floating up the stairs. I felt so energized by the smoothness of the morning thus far. Surprised by it. But feeling pretty blessed. And quite confident actually.

And then in two seconds, everything changed.

(Now let me just say that I really don't embarrass easily. I guess when you do and say as many dumb things I do, you really get quite used to it and you tend to just be amused by your own wackiness. Embarrassment is just an emotion I rarely experience. But was different. What happened in class mortified me!!! Don't continue reading if talk of baby bodily functions grosses you out.)

As I was feeding Parker her bottle, she raised up and projectile spit-up like nothing you've ever seen. The class just stopped. Everyone stared. No one knew what to do. It was like time stood still. She has barely spit up at all in her life, so this was new. I wish I could describe to you how much it was. The sheer volume of spit-up and the distance it flew was both mesmerizing and completely disgusting. Within seconds of this, I looked down and saw yellow all over my black pants. Oh yes, she simultaneously had vomited like a crazy woman and graced me with a leaky poopy diaper. In my lap. My shirt was completely soaked with spit-up and my pants completely covered in poop. I am not exaggerating in the least. It was unbelievable.

The worst part was the reaction I sensed from most in the room. I could tell they were completely disgusted by it. It's not like this happened in a room full of other young moms. Oh, no. This class is mostly middle-aged and older, with just a few young families. Even if you're a parent or grandparent, you really don't enjoy seeing other babies' poop. I really thought a few people were going to throw up. A bunch of people had to look away. Sadly, Joel had not made it up to class yet, so I didn't have him to help right then. It was the most awkward moment ever. And I completely froze. I couldn't think of what I was supposed to do. I felt like if I moved, the puddles of my daughter's fluids would slide off my body and onto the floor, creating an even bigger mess. I don't know what happened. I tend to think of myself as a fairly competent mom in moments of chaos like that. But all that confidence has gone out the window this morning. Thank God for two men who jumped into action (after the initial shock and moment of silence that seemed to drag on forever) and grabbed some things to help me clean Parker and myself. If not for them, I think I might still be sitting there, paralyzed in my shock and sense of incapability. But thankfully, with help, I figured out how to pick her up, get our stuff, and quickly get out of there! I am pretty sure I won't be attending that class until she is old enough to go to the nursery (one more month!) for fear that our presence together in that class will only serve to remind people of an image that I'm pretty sure they are desperate to forget. Some of them couldn't even look me in the eye. And I'm not sure I can look them in theirs either for a while!

Joel saw us after we left the class and helped me change her....there was seriously poop all over her back, all the way up to the base of her neck. Changing her was quite the task. I finished feeding her, and she and I headed home as quickly as we could. I was starting to be able to smell the stink on myself.

(Side note: I also realized as we were leaving that my legs were woefully unshaven. And I was wearing cropped pants. Disgusting. Oh, to have a complete shower again one day!)

Ok, Lord....I get that this morning has been one big lesson on humility. Can we stop now??

Oh, this little girl and I have bonded. We've been through a lot together today. I'm still immensely thankful for the one hour we did get at church today without making a scene! I just love her so much.


Melody Slaton said...

Oh, Hannah!!! Oh, Hannah!!! I can only sympathize!!!

Courtney said...

would have loved to have talked with you today but i just got home from spending the day with my family in was great. sorry your morning was so drama-tic...I hate it when God goes all out on the lessons :) You are fine and it happens to the best of us...
yeah, how early does joel have to be there on sundays? we figured out a plan that he'll take jackson sometimes with him when he goes and that is INCREDIBLY helpful! just a might not work for you guys. jeff doesn't usually have tons of 1st service (or prior) responsibilities...

Christa said...

The life with a just never know what might happen. I am sorry, but on the bright side Trace did not even mention it to me so it must not have made too much of an impression.

Liz H. said...

Oh the joys of a newborn. That really made me laugh, but I did sympathize with you. I always meant to keep an extra change of clothes for me in the car when Autumn was first born for her explosions and spit ups.